Friday, February 10, 2006
SNOW
It’s about 9:30 am. Roadie is playing with his new, very large, dog bone and I’m sitting here writing and watching the snow. At first there was just a little flurry, but now it’s really coming down. It’s like I’m inside of one of those snow globes that you shake to make it snow because where I’m sitting I can see snow all around me through every window. It’s so beautiful. I have spent years in Alaska, Wyoming, Colorado, DC, and New York so I’m used to snow, however, I have missed it living in Texas. Everything is slowly being covered in a blanket of white. I feel like I have stepped back in time again and am curious as to what the first settlers out here thought about the snow, how they lived through it, and how they did anything back then.
I think of the people of the Irish Wilderness (Part of the Mark Twain National Forest) who suddenly disappeared from the area. Who were they, where did they come from, and where did they go? I suppose this is the book that dearest Finnabair is setting her intent to write about. I thought that The People of the Woods might be these same Irish settlers, however, I asked Joshua and he said that they were not, that the Irish settlers moved on to another area quietly and in secret. Then asked him if they were not those settlers then who were they. He said that they were here from the beginning of time, fallen angels. So I asked him about the name McLoud, and he said that they (The People of the Woods) came here to help the Irish settlers and the settlers gave them names. I asked him why they didn’t go with the settlers and he said that they (The People of the Woods) loved it here and that the settlers would be save when they left here. So it seems that Joshua and The People of the Woods were here to help and protect the Irish settlers because it was a troubling time for them. Joshua says that they showed the settlers a way to leave here so they wouldn’t be followed. Now I am curious as to where the settlers went.
Last night before sleep I read some more of The Laughing Jesus – Religious Lies and Gnostic Wisdom by Timothy Freke and Peter Gandy. I would like to share something that I read in there that resonated with truth.
“In The Gospel of Thomas Jesus promises:
I will reveal to you what no eye can see,
What no ear can hear,
What no hand can touch,
What cannot be imagined by the mind.
What is it that you can’t hear, touch, see or imagine? It is awareness which is witnessing the seeing, hearing, touching, and imagining. The message of the Gnostics is that if you really come to know your self you will discover you ARE awareness.”
In another section of the book they write, “The word gnosis is usually translated as ‘knowledge’, but it is better to think of it as a state of knowing. Gnosis is not information like the ‘knowledge’ you picked up at school. Gnosis is not a theory about life which you can learn. Gnosis is a state of awakening that arises when you examine the present moment and become conscious of what you are actually knowing right now. Most of the things we claim to know are actually just opinions which we believe. To experience gnosis we need to differentiate believing from knowing. It is possible to doubt all our beliefs, but what we are knowing is self-evidently certain in the moment. We don’t have to give up our opinions to experience gnosis. They may be useful, beautiful, valid opinions. But we do need to discriminate them from what we actually are knowing now.”
I hope that this helps some of you understand what gnosis is about. I have discovered that those who have had to face death are very aware, are Gnostics. For their creativity, their beliefs, their living in the moment has increased greatly because they have become aware, they are awareness.
Because it’s snowing, I believe that Roadie and I will stay curled up in the quilt for a bit and enjoy the beauty of nature from within the warmth of the cabin. Time to prepare the morning tea and something to eat.
Thought for now: What do you believe you know? What questions do you ask of what you believe? What do you know about NOW – this moment in time?
Part II – Written on Saturday, February 11, 2006
Finding your Path through the darkness.
I am writing this after a day of questioning where I am currently in life and along my Life’s Path. I haven’t written because I needed some time to clear my mind, ask questions about where I am and what I’m doing currently, and to sort through some issues that were raised in my life.
All of my life (43 years now) I have known that I was very different than most. It seems that I have always been aware of this human form as just temporary and that in fact I was part of something greater, that I was before this human form, and that I wanted to return to that greater being. I remember taking long walks through the woods at my grand parent’s farm in rural Louisiana and I would look up into the sky and ask to please let me go back home. I remember talking to the trees and the animals. I have always been drawn to magic, to mystic things, to the things of other realms. I didn’t know about all of these things until recently. I have struggled greatly in this life to find a place to belong, to be accepted in this world, and a way to exist here with an understanding of why I was here. It hasn’t been easy and I have often tried to run away from who I knew I was and what I believed in.
There has only been one placed that I believed was home and that was my grand parent’s farm, but that was taken away when I became estranged from my family. Since that time I have felt lost without a purpose or a place to call home – a place of safety and refuge. My best friend, Jorge, provided a safe place for me to find myself again, however, I was so lost that I couldn’t appreciate that gift at that time. I now know how much of a gift he gave to me. Jorge, Thank You!!!!!
The trouble with being special is that others are either afraid of you or they see you as being special and forget that you are also human and have feelings. Sometimes great expectations are placed upon me and in order to free myself from those expectations I either would run or knowingly not meet those expectations. Being a free spirit is just as troubling as being special because I live in another realm – the dream – and it’s hard for others to realize that the best way to treat or work with a dreamer is to allow them that freedom to just be, to dream. When I am allowed to dream the world and the universe are open to me and there are many things that can be accomplished, but when I’m held captive by other’s thoughts, ideas, or expectations I have always tried to find a way to be free again to be who I was. I’m learning to live in this physical realm but to also be true to who I know I am. It requires some times of reflection and questioning, but it’s been worth it in the end.
Yesterday I had the opportunity to speak with a client who is becoming a friend, Brink of West Elm Properties. We started discussing the listing he had that had issues but then began to discuss things related to Gnosticism. It seems that from my travels that there are a lot of people out there that feel that they don’t have anyone to talk to about what they are experiencing in this life. I enjoyed our conversations and the time we shared. Brink is a special man and I see him accomplishing many things in the coming years.
Today, I have spent the day inside the cabin here in Missouri at dearest Finnabair’s preparing the front room to become a wonderful Welcome Center/Work Space/Reading & Writing Space/Office and burning several piles of old limbs that were piled up in the old garden. With these piles of limbs now gone, the space is opening up and it seems to be breathing a deep breathe. It’s so nice to look around and not see the dead limbs piled up. As I have worked on the new front room space I felt new energy from being active and allowing my creativity to flow. There is some work ahead before the new space will be ready, however, it will be a great room that grounds you to the earth, reminds you of being in the woods, and allows for reading in a comfortable chair, writing at an antique desk and chair, and being able to utilize a computer at a comfortable desk. The new space with the great views out of the three windows will allow the mystery of this place can be enjoyed from indoors.
Tonight I enjoyed dinner and conversation with Kathleen. She prepared a delicious veggie soup and veggie salad of water chestnuts, carrots, apples and walnuts. After eating we talked about her Sunday School lesson she was preparing to teach in the morning. I enjoyed my evening with Kathleen. I asked if she would join me for lunch after church here at the cabin and she said she would. I suppose I will have to clean off the table so we can eat as I’ve placed some of the things from the front room there for safekeeping.
Thought for today: Do you know who you are? Have you found your place in this life? Have you found your purpose? I’m finding that to find the answers to these questions I have to ask a lot of questions. I have to be able to be open to looking in various places. I have to be still and quiet so I can hear the answers. I know it will be an ongoing thing for me to find my place here but I know I now have the way to do it – asking questions and being still and quiet to find the answers.
