Sensitive, emotional, tender, and alone was the remarkable child from ages past, struggling to find a path through the darkness of life. Brought into this existence through turmoil and pain, both his own and that of those he would call parents. His birth would cause the paths of others to alter, first by his birth and later by the gifts he gives now of his talents. Never feeling that he was part of this world and always questioning why he was here, yet always knowing he lived to bring knowledge into the universal consciousness. There was always the strongest of desires to bring beauty into the world, to create environments around him that brought joy to those who visited.
By accident, or was it destiny, he was placed into various roles, although he never sought them. From being selected as one of the High Schools best art students, receiving special honors; to becoming a leader in the Air Force, elected worldwide to create the set designs for the Bob Hope television special with the Air Force in 1987; and other notable, yet seemingly insignificant roles as Christian leader, business owner, and an inspiration and friend to many, he always seemed different from others and couldn’t find a place or people he could call his own. Wondering through life, always feeling alone, he made his marks upon places and people. Curious to find some connection with others, to discover a way to belong with humanity, and all the while knowing he wasn’t part of what existed currently. There was always the knowledge of another time and place in his heart and mind, which kept him apart from this existence. The roaring 20’s, the time of Kings and magic, the slower pace of a time without technology, and a time yet to be known by others of a future where religion didn’t exist and humanity finally discovered the connectedness with all other living things, including the earth.
Laughter ruled, along with strong visual emotions, and a desire to learn (that ever curious nature to test his hands at anything, just to say he tried it) measured the earlier years. Awkwardness, doubt, and fear governed the beginning years. Friendships reigned during the middle years as other worldly child began to fit into the mainstream of society. With a flair and difference that set him apart, weighted by mistakes of the past, he walked alone and into the darkness that ruled the last years. This ever so bright, gifted and remarkable child grew into the depressed, desensitized and untrusting man of today. It is that man that sits alone in the darkness listening to the sounds of the chimes and writes, hoping to reconnect with that lost child of times so seemingly long ago, almost forgotten. Now longing for the departure from this painful existence, he ponders where that loving child has gone. Have the ravages of time, disappointment, and pain caused such an alteration?
Only now has he begun to remember, remembrance usually only through tears of people, places, and things of the past. Remembering the pain inflicted by others, which caused the child to change, along with the heartbreak caused by selfish acts darkened the brightly colored world. The man of today lives alone within his own creative mind, always escaping into the worlds he designs in order to find the joy of being. With every passing day he retreats finding it harder to feel apart of those around him, all the while desiring to be connected. He awakens every morning questioning why he was not allowed to alter his state of being from physical to pure energy, and this only after sleepless evenings. Complimented by others only deepens the rift between being connected and feeling further distanced. Through the darkness some light still shines, but only when rediscovered by retreating into his imaginary world.
The child of yesterday that held so much promise has faded, yet still reaches for more as the man of today longs for release. Release from the personally assigned chains of being so different, from the unforgiving self of past wrongs, and from the increasing difficulties of the present. Will he be remembered and for what? Perhaps that child followed the path in order to discover something, to learn. Now, only perceived time passes while the man of today awaits to be rejoined with the universal consciousness he always felt part of. Please remember him, not for the darkness that currently overwhelms, but for the loving, tender child with a gift for humanity, that gift of creativity and beauty. Forgive him for the mistakes of the past as he struggles to forgive himself.
Excitement and a zest for enjoying life marked most of the child’s life as he experienced everything he could, learning, growing and eventually releasing the constraining ideology of religion and embracing the love and acceptance of the universal consciousness, which freed him from old ways and brought him into new levels of awareness. Assisting people find ways to alter their environments; he passed the days of the last years. Now, he designs buildings through 3D models, gifting them to others on the web. You see, this child isn’t a stranger, he is me.
