Preface:
The following writing was accomplished over the last few days as I have dealt with something in my personal life I have been writing this as I have been experiencing the awareness of what is reality (or perceived reality, isn't life a dream?) In one of my earlier Blog entries I said that I had some issues to work through so I wouldn’t be writing for a bit. I didn’t mean to alarm anyone, however, you’ll understand after reading this entry why I needed some time to just be still and quiet. I hadn’t posted this but now I’m ready to post it and share. I will warn you that you should read through this completely before coming to any conclusions. It was my jumping to conclusions and literalism that lead to my personal alarm, and why I needed some time. There may be moments of concern in this writing (I wanted to share how I was feeling and thinking as I was feeling and thinking.); however, the outcome is fabulous!
Seeing, Knowing, Living
For artists and creative individuals sight is important. It’s not just the physical sight; but also the sight of creativity – that being able to see something before it’s created. I have always been the creative mind. I have always been able to fully see things before they were created, painted, written, built, or arranged. This ability mostly depended upon my being able to see physically the space I was going to change or build. Two years ago I lost my ability to see and many thoughts passed through my head. I questioned if I would be able to ever create again. I slowly regained my eyesight but with some impairment – I see ghost images. This is because the optic nerve was damaged. During the day this isn’t so noticeable, however at night it’s very obvious because a light becomes five lights and is very bright. I’ve learned to overcome this by focusing on the center light so I can determine where things are, and I don’t drive too much at night. The main question I asked myself was if I would be able to live without sight.
I realized upon asking that question that I could live without sight, but it would require a major change in my way of living, what I did, and how I did it. As I was loosing my eyesight I started memorizing my surroundings so I would know where things were and would be able to get around. I learned through this that being able to make a mental map of where things were was sort of like seeing without sight. It was creating a visual of things inside the mind. I asked myself if I would be able to do my consulting if I didn’t have sight. I didn’t think I could then, however now I believe I could. This is because I have learned to pick up on the energies of things without having to see them. This new knowledge has helped me to work through many things. It is through knowing (knowledge – not book learning) that we each can live our lives to the fullest. Life is meant to be enjoyed; and is very short compared to the reality that time is only fleeting. I have lived a full live with many adventures, many learning experiences, many loves and many friends. I have, over the last few years, been able to find my true self and to let go of the things of the past, the stories about events, the hurt and pain, and the things that caused me to not be able to become the man I met in St. Louis – my true self.
Realizing that life is short is important because it helps us learn to appreciate each moment of living. It’s in this living in the moment that life happens and can be enjoyed. It’s in being aware of everyone and every thing around you that you learn to appreciate them and their place in your life. It’s been said by many that I was gifted, talented, incredible, special, a genius, and much more. However, although realizing this about myself, I haven’t felt like that most of the time. Mostly because I couldn’t see the person that others saw. Two years ago I faced death and over these last two years I was told to get my affairs in order, so I did, and I accepted the possibility of the end of this physical life. I suppose the best part of all this is that I changed the way I lived, what I did to improve my health, and how I saw life. I became aware of being, of being connected with everyone and everything, of being one with all.
I know that this life may not last long, however, I have learned to enjoy each moment that is here, each person and thing that is with me in each moment. With this knowledge of how live can be lived to its fullest I have changed. I suppose that with this knowledge I am prepared for what ever is to come. Gabriel, my guide and protecting angel, told me something the other night that has caused me to question many of the things I have been doing and why I was doing them. Gabriel told me that I would loose my eyesight within a month’s time. He also told me that I would die within three months. I wanted to write about it this so I could look at my words while I could and to also keep track of the things I’m being told by Gabriel. Part of me hopes that the things he said won’t come to pass, but everything else Gabriel has told me has happened.
I don’t know what my life will be like when I cannot see anymore, but I do know that I will still be able to ‘see’ many things. It might help me to stay centered and focused, still and quiet. If everything that Gabriel told me happens, then I won’t have to deal with not seeing for long. Seeing, knowing and living have been my existence here, my purpose here, and what I am here to help others achieve. I only hope that my presence upon this physical plane has helped someone, even just one person. I’m ready to live again, but not in the physical plane, I’m ready to live again as energy. Ready to be free to go and do, to fly high above everything, to see everything, to be everything, and to be reconnected with what I have missed being a part of all my life – a higher being. I’m at The Cabin in the Woods as I write this and I am curious as to where I should go, where I should live, and what will happen to my dearest companion and friend – Roadie. I know that these answers will be presented when the time is right. I know that things will be as they are supposed to be in the universe.
With the information Gabriel gave me, I have changed again. I’m curious as to why I no longer care of about the same things. I have been questioning many things, wondering why about everything. I am hearing the song, ‘Just Breathe’ and it is reminding me to just breathe, let everything be as it is will be, and to let go and allow life to unfold naturally. I suppose I have no choice in this, so I will have to let it unfold, as it will, as it should be.
For now, here is my thought for today: Can you see, not with the eyes, but with awareness? Do you know, not with book knowledge but through awareness? Are you living, not that mundane type of living that most do, but really living through awareness? Are you accepting of life and allowing it to unfold naturally, being fully accepting of what shall be? There’s a song playing now and it’s saying – enjoy every minute of life, laughing loudly, do you think I’m strange? Be strange to the world and people around you, be different, stand out, live out loud, and live with awareness.
Part II – The Good News
Well, today while I was trimming trees in the orchard behind the cabin I started talking with Gabriel. I have almost completed reading ‘The Laughing Jesus’ and what I am learning there is about being awake to living. While Gabriel and I talked I began to ask questions about what he told me previously. What he said wasn’t to be taken literally; it was a warning, a guide to get me to wake up. It seems that even though I greatly enjoy the cabin, I need to get moving again so I don’t stop seeing (learning, being aware, and seeing those things about life that so many seem to miss, and what I have learned to enjoy seeing.). The dying part was about me no longer being I, but becoming the man that I have always been, the man I met in St. Louis. Paul in the Bible talks about dying to self. I understand that and so much more now – Take up your cross and follow me was what Jesus said. What they are talking about is waking up to the realization that we are part of something greater. The death or dying (cross, which is what is symbolizes) is when we become aware that we are no longer separate individuals, but indeed are connected with every other living thing.
When I first started reading this book I had some trouble trying to get through it because of what I was taught to believe about the Bible, Jesus, and so many other things. But as I have read it, I have a greater understanding of the words in the Bible. I have a greater understanding of who Jesus was and what he taught. The words in the Bible have come to life now. Jesus talked about waking up, dying to self, taking up your cross, and to follow him as he lead the way to enlightenment as some put it, but to me it’s waking up to life and love. A real life and a real love that is grounded in knowing that we are not separate from each other, but instead part of each other.
It seems that the Literalist Religions of the world have sinned (missed the point, as the word ‘sin’ means in Greek.) by preventing people the ability to awaken. Instead they try to teach that we have to be limited, to be sinners. I’m not a sinner! I’m a saint because I know the God who lives within me, the same God that exists in each of us. It’s that same God that connects each of us. I used to be part of the Literalist Religions and even preached and taught. I’ll admit that I didn’t like the way the church ran even then, and always felt that the real message wasn’t being taught. I understand now. Maybe with this knowledge of awakening I can find a way to help others who have been trapped by the literalism of the church.
All of this experience has taught me to keep being aware of each moment. To live and to love is something that we all seek. And, that for now, I need to keep traveling so I can continue to learn about so many things. I’m not going blind and I’m not going to die. However, this was an experience I had to go through to learn about asking questions, seeking the answers, and finding understanding. It was about me learning who I was and what I believed.
Thought for today: What do you believe about the Bible, Jesus, and religion? Do you feel that there is something more, but you’re not hearing it from the church? I’m not saying to leave the church, but to ask more questions. When people ask questions, they learn. We are here to enjoy living and to love. Isn’t that what the Bible and Jesus taught? Are you a Christian – a follower of the teachings of Christ who lives the life Jesus lead? Most people think of themselves as Christians, however, their daily lives say differently. They are not awake to the truth of what Jesus was teaching us. Find awakening, truth and understanding in what ever way you can, from what ever means you can and then you’ll understand what I’ve been talking about, what the Bible talks about, what other scriptures talk about. It’s about being alive and loving, loving being alive.
