Friday, February 24, 2006
“Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.” From the book Illusions.
As I sit here at almost 1:30 am, quietly with Roadie beside me, an old movie playing on the small black and white TV that Galen Rose had recorded and I’ve been reading. This particular aspect caught my attention. ALL of the events of my life are here because I have drawn them here. Now I have to ask myself, why would I draw some of the events of my life? What purpose did I have in creating them? If I created or drew them into my life sketchbook, then they have something important for me, or I wouldn’t have put them into this life sketch.
Today as I burned the many limbs trimmed from the trees in the Orchard, my thoughts abounded with wisdom that can only be attributed to the collective knowledge of the Universe. At one point I wish I had a recorder to record what I thought, as I have found that many thoughts are fleeting, whoosh, and they are gone. All of the thoughts dealt with this fact of drawing the events into my life sketch.
Last night I thought about writing an ending for this persona known to many as Sebastian, yet something stopped me. Maybe there is more to my life sketch than I realize, or do I know it and just not accepting it into my conscious mind? I struggled through sleep last night as though I was fighting against something. The sheets were torn from the bed, curled up in various angles on the bed; my mind was adrift with thoughts of what happened during the night. As I sit here I am trying to bring to my conscious mind what was happening in my subconscious mind. It seems that I have something more to do here and I haven’t written the ending of this persona, Sebastian. But what is it that I have written, or drawn, for him to accomplish.
Yes, I can see that perhaps he will have to change his character from the wounded child he perceived himself to be and into the other-worldly man I met in St. Louis. That man seemed to be totally aware of the fact that he was the master dreamer, confident in knowing what is was he was dreaming, and the purpose for which he dreamed. For as long as I can remember I have never felt part of, connected to, or belonging to, this physical world. Perhaps I have always been aware that I am only a dream, an illusion, dreamed by the master dreamer, the master magician, and I didn’t understand. I think I’m beginning to understand, but it seems foggy like that late night misty haze that lingers around you, where you can barely see two steps in front or behind. Perhaps that is why I haven’t had clear thoughts of late. My mind has been fogged up by so many possibilities that this dream can be.
The question was, ‘what you choose to do with them is up to you’. Now what? Yes, I have learned many valuable lessons from the events of the past, and even the events of the future because I can see them all. I think back to events that have brought me to this point in perceived time, that have helped me draw the persona of Sebastian. What do I choose to do with them now? That’s easy. Appreciate them, learn from them, and allow them to fade as the pages of a book left in the sunlight for too long. There is a new chapter being written, being drawn, in this life sketch. For I believe I know what Gabriel meant when he said that ‘I’ would die within a few months, that I would go ‘blind’ by months end. For at this moment I do feel blinded as I sense the death of a persona I had drawn called Jimmy Lynn Boney who changed his name to Sebastian Lynn St.Troy, and who will be reborn through creative writing, through the power of The Creative Mind, into a new persona. He will be shown the name given to him before time, the name known to the Universe. He will be sketched as strong, quiet, reflective, knowing, worthy, powerful, and most importantly a lover of life, of people, of all living things. This is the man I met in St. Louis. I do not yet consciously know his name, however, I know when the numbers are cast it will be a master number, as he is the master dreamer.
He scares me at times, as he always has, and probably always will because I sense that others may not understand who he is or why he is here as the master dreamer. Perhaps he isn’t just one, perhaps he is the collective here to dream as one so that together they can dream something greater than just one could. I’ve been asking the wrong question, no wonder I haven’t had an answer. The new question is what are our names, what name are we called by? Azul. Now who is this, but there is more yet unknown as that is only part of the name. As I was still and quiet more came to me. I didn't undersand the word azul, but it means Blue. The symbolism of this color is great. I'll set my intentions to write about the color Blue. The other part of the name is 'Y', meaning 'and'. And Blue, it's an interesting name - Y Azul.
What is it that I, we, am here to dream? Is it the Creative Conscious Connective? Is it to bring more into knowing, into gnosis, into awareness? I have seen the C3 in my mind and it’s far reaching capabilities. I see clearly the people coming here to learn, to grow, to establish great connections, and then to return to whence they came to live openly amongst the people in their life sketches drawing more into a collective dream. What would happen if we all consciously dreamed together, creating a world without fear, without illness, a world, an illusion, a dream, where all were drawn, written, into knowing, into awareness? I see the beauty of this dream. Am I the master dreamer? Are we, together, the master dreamer?
Thought for now: What have you drawn in your life sketchbook? What have you dreamed into your life? Why did you dream, or draw, them? I do not know the answers to your questions, as I’m only now seeking my own. Perhaps together we can find the answers.
