Five Elements

There are five elements in relationship to Feng Shui and I’ve been working on training myself to recognize these elements within a space and within myself. I did a Five Elements Questionnaire last month and realized that I’m a Fire personality. As a Fire personality, that is a person whose strongest element is fire, I should balance it with wood, metal, earth, and water. Of all the elements earth is the one that I need more of around me to balance myself, so I’ve been putting plants with dirt uncovered in ceramic pots, ceramic figurines and other earth elements in the spaces where I live. I’m not surprised in this as Astrologically I’m a Gemini, which is an Air Sign and I’ve always lived in my life in the sky so it seems. I’ve noticed that I sleep better when I have water type of elements around me, I suppose it’s because it puts out the fire so I can rest. Water, in Feng Shui terms, is represented by black and dark colors (my bedrooms have always been dark colors), asymmetrical things, glass, water features, crystals, mirrors, North, Tortoise, and Winter. I’m understanding why I sleep best when my head faces North and during the coldest parts of the year. No wonder I’m always longing to be somewhere cold and why I enjoy the water so much.

I’ll post the Five Elements Questionnaire for you so you can see what elements are the strongest in your life and what types of things you should increase in your spaces to help balance you. I’ll also put the Five Elements and what represents them.

Five Elements Questionnaire:
The Five Element Assessment helps you understand what elements are dominant in your life at this time. In order to get an accurate assessment, answer the questions according to who you are today, not who you used to be or who you wish to be. The results can be used to help you design your home and work environments to support your well-being. Although some questions are about your general health, the assessment is not intended as a substitute for evaluation of any medical condition.

Answer all questions using the following scale:
5 – This describes me almost all the time
4 – This describes me frequently
3 – This describes me occasionally, but is not characteristic of me
2 – This describes me infrequently
1 – This rarely, if ever, describes me

Part 1
___Are you a natural born initiator?
___Do you act assertively and confidently?
___Do you resist authority figures?
___Do you find that people and activities move too slowly for you?
___Do you like struggling against all odds, proving yourself to others?
___Are you always doing something or going somewhere?
___Do you have high blood pressure?
___Do you strongly resist giving in to a compromise?
___Do you always want to be first and best?
___Does confinement and sitting quietly drive you crazy?
___Do you get frequent muscle cramps?
___Do you like to make all the rules and then break them?
___Do you pioneer new trails wherever you go?
___Do your nails alternate between hard and thick, and dry and brittle?
___Are you impatient with people who seem to have no direction in life?
___Do you strongly resist showing vulnerability?
___Do you love speed and adventure?
___Have you ever had tendonitis?
___Do you manipulate situations to get what you want?
___Is it difficult for you to control your anger?
___Do you find any kind of restraint insufferable?
___Do you do your best work under pressure?
___Are you considered moody?
___Is your personal freedom a supreme value in your life?

___Add score for Part 1

Part 2
___Are you highly motivated to seek the divine?
___Are you charismatic?
___Do you have heart problems?
___Do you have an extreme aversion to pain?
___Do you love drama, performing, and being in the spotlight?
___Are you often spontaneous?
___Do you get sores on your tongue or around your mouth?
___Can’t say no to anyone?
___Do you tend to be more emotionally intense than your friends?
___Have you ever had a speech impediment?
___Do you love to give your opinion?
___Do you fear separation above all else?
___Are you clever on your feet?
___Do you desire personal fulfillment more than almost anything?
___Do your cheeks turn red easily?
___Could you be described as extravagant?
___Are you bright and scintillating at social gatherings?
___Do you have eczema or other skin eruptions?
___Do you enjoy talking during most activities?
___Do you have trouble with boundaries in relationships?
___Is the need for intimacy and merging a strong motivation for you?
___Do you suffer from anxiety or insomnia?
___Are you mostly optimistic and enthusiastic about life?
___Are you strongly empathetic?

___Add score for Part 2

Part 3
___Do you see yourself as a service-oriented person?
___Are you working on being more self-reliant?
___Do your friends often use you as a negotiator?
___Is bloating and water retention a problem?
___Do you struggle with inertia and feel “stuck” sometimes:
___Does nurturing come easy to you?
___Do you like to be in charge but not in the spotlight?
___Does your need to be accommodating sometimes result in conformity?
___Is a need to belong strong in you?
___Do you suffer with muscle tenderness?
___Do you regard loyalty as one of the most important traits in a person?
___Are you conservative in your thinking?
___Are you the family member/friend who knows what’s going on in everyone’s
lives?
___Do you suffer with swollen glands and other lymphatic disorders?
___Would you like things to be more predictable?
___Do you tend to be overly protective?
___Do unrealistic expectations leave you disappointed much of the time?
___Do you try to be all things to all people?
___Have you recently gained weight?
___Are you considered a worrier?
___Do you feel you haven’t been recognized for your efforts?
___Are you prone to obsessive thoughts and actions?
___Are you the family member or friend who remembers everyone’s birthday?
___Are you regarded as the peacemaker by friends and family?

___Add score for Part 3

Part 4
___Do you hold righteousness and virtue in high regard?
___Are rituals important to you?
___Is chaos your enemy?
___Do you have stiff joints and muscles?
___Do you have no time for nonsense?
___Do you hold very precise standards?
___Are you very sensitive to temperature change?
___Is clarity and agreement important to you?
___Are you a law and order person?
___Is your skin or hair really dry?
___Are you considered a perfectionist?
___Do you fear intimacy?
___Do you have a strong artistic sense or an eye for good design?
___Does carelessness in others drive you up the wall?
___Are you considered cool, dispassionate, and distant?
___Are reason and high principles your guiding lights?
___Are you considered a little too strict and nit-picky?
___Do you have elegant or refined tastes?
___Is social involvement on the bottom of your list of things to do?
___Do you have sinus problems?
___Does your high level of self-control drive your spontaneous friends crazy?
___Do you know best?
___Is it difficult for you to experience or release powerful emotions?
___Are you good at providing structure and boundaries for others?

___Add score for Part 4

Part 5
___Would you describe yourself as introspective?
___Is the search for truth a prime motivator in your life?
___Do you have a very strong sex drive?
___Are you highly creative, imaginative and original?
___Do you dislike superficiality more than anything?
___Do you pride yourself on being self-contained and self-sufficient?
___Is rapid deterioration of teeth or gums a problem?
___Do you seek the deep mystery in everything?
___Do you suffer with frequent backaches?
___Do you occasionally catch yourself being tactless or thoughtless?
___Do you have a very penetrating and critical mind?
___Do you hate waste and conserve everything?
___Is the desire to stick-to-it one of your strongest virtues?
___Do you have hardening of the arteries?
___Is it difficult for you to share your things with others?
___Do you suffer from a feeling of chronic isolation?
___Are you afraid of losing yourself in others?
___Are you considered enigmatic and eccentric by your friends?
___Do you often feel misunderstood?
___Are you awkward in social situations?
___Do you resist conformity?
___Do you have kidney or bladder problems?
___Are your hands and feet likely to be cold?
___Do you have remarkable powers of concentration?

___Add score for Part 5

Part 1 Score __________ This is your WOOD score
Part 2 Score __________ This is your FIRE score
Part 3 Score __________ This is your EARTH score
Part 4 Score __________ This is your METAL score
Part 5 Score __________ This is your WATER score

Your Score for each element is now represented. The item with the highest number is your strongest element. The item with the lowest score is your weakest element. Balance your environment by following the Five Element Guide.

Thought for now: What element is strongest in your life presently? What items should you place around you to help balance your life? I’ve found that by balancing the elements in my life that my life is a bit more balanced and that by creating a Water environment where I sleep that I sleep better. If you have any questions about these things please contact me.

Johnny Appleseed

I’ve been working on creating the new Fairie Glen inside the circular driveway. Since funds are low, I’ve been moving some sawgrass from behind the dam and using it to create a pathway through the Fairie Glen. I like the sawgrass because it is small and bright green. I’m placing it along the path as a border for the path, but in time the grass will slowly cover the whole area creating a sea of grass. I envision some large stones, some Redbuds, Japanese Red Maples, Dogwoods, Azeleas, Weeping Figs, and other special plants being planted along the new rolling “mountains” that are being created by the new mounds of dirt. The idea is to create a wall of plants along the exterior of the circle with the plants being planted on top of the mounds created, then continuing the mounding effect to create a small mountainous feeling inside with curves, and adventures. The new path starts as you drive up to the circular driveway and then curves around and through the area until it reaches the other side where the two paths lead to the house through the new gardens there. The two paths out front of the house are a public path, which is wide and inviting, and a private path, which is narrow and protected. The path through the Fairie Glen will lead at the end to both of those, although you’ll have to cross the driveway to get to them. Yesterday I also planted three flats of Zinnias, some Beets (because I like the color of the leaves), and some tomatoes (because we got them for free from the garden center.)

Each evening as I’m working in the cooler part of the day my mother arrives to drop off my niece. She’s been allowed to resume her old role of ‘mother’ and controller over my niece, much to my dissatisfaction, but it’s a lesson my sister has to learn and according to the I Ching readings, I’m supposed to allow all of them the time and freedom to err so they can learn. I watch my mother as she drives around the driveway, never saying hello or showing any sign that I exist, but I see her watching. I also know that she is seeing the beauty that is being created here, something she longs for at her home. I never thought I would ever feel sorry for my mother, but I do, but then I am reminded by the I Ching that she has created and allowed her life to become what it is and that I’m to remain firm in my path and of following what I know is true and correct. I’ll admit that I would enjoy having a positive relationship with my mother, but I’m not going to give into old ways of thinking or interacting just to have that relationship. So for now we are two different people living relatively close.

The other day I had an unusual I Ching reading. It was that the Higher Power was bringing about a solution that I couldn’t imagine or think about, just that I had to believe and allow the creative to bring things about. Yes, I’ve wondered what the solution could be, but I’m not even to wonder about that. I’m just to sit back, believe, and wait to see how the Universe brings things about.

I sent out an email yesterday announcing the dates of my August trip to Austin and am already getting responses. Part of me wants to return to Austin, or somewhere in Texas, so I can resume some level of a social life, because living out in the country doesn’t allow much social interaction, except with my sister and her family. I’m sure there is a good reason why I’m here and that one day it will be time to do something different, but for now I remain here, and enjoy my outings as I have them.

Today it’s raining so I don’t have to go outside and water. I’m sure all of the plants are enjoying the rain, even the grass in the pasture. Thus, since it’s raining, I suppose I’ll be just relaxing inside today. There isn’t a lot left to do inside except finish the new coat closet, but I don’t have the funds to complete it just yet. I keep wondering in my thoughts if I shouldn’t stop spending money on my sister’s home and begin to find a way to spend money on something that is mine, but yesterday it occurred to me that for most of my life I have been the “Johnny Appleseed” in that I’ve been the one to go live in other’s homes and create beauty for them. Once upon a time I had dreamed of living out here in a small home and creating the kind of gardens I’m creating now for my sister. I don’t know if that will ever come to pass, or if I have outgrown the idea of being out here, outgrown my strange connection to this place, especially since my mother cut all of the woods down leaving it a mess. I suppose I want something different for my life now, but I’m going with the flow to see where the Universe puts me and for what purpose.

Thought for now: Are you creating beauty where you are? Beauty comes in many ways and I believe that if we believe in the good of others, the good of nature, the good of life, then we can create beauty wherever we are. It might be a kind word, a gentle smile, planting a garden, cleaning up a stream, or whatever thing we can think of to do that might help the common good, but I believe that we should always be creating beauty no matter where life puts us.

Desire Mountain

Desire is that part of us that is always comparing ourselves with others in order to seek to improve our lives based upon a misconceived idea that what others have we should want. I’m learning that desire is based upon a certain type of fear or a false idea that we are not happy in our present circumstance. “Desire makes me weak,” are the words that reverberate in my mind as I type this from a song, title unknown. I suppose those words have a special double meaning, or is it really just one meaning? I desire, I am weak. If I want something so bad that I begin to question my purpose in life, or begin to alter the way I act or believe then I am weak, I have strayed from the path I’m to follow. I know that in this song the singer is talking about the desire to be with another person and that desire causing them to be weakened into submission for them, however, isn’t that the same?

As I’ve been reading the I Ching I’ve been learning to stay steadfast and not allow fear to cause desires. It’s the fear that we are not as good as another, don’t have the same things, and perhaps that they live a happier life than we do and we want to travel their path, not ours. It’s also the fear of the unknown that causes us to sometimes desire change, desire release, desire answers. Thus, if we fear, we desire?

Last night as I began to clean and do things around the house I realized that my desires have changed, become less important. Not that I’m giving up on things, just that it’s more important to enjoy and accept the life we are given at the moment and realize it is where we are supposed to be. By not accepting our current lives we begin to fear where we are and then begin to create desires for change, for something better, for anything but what we have. I know it’s not easy at times to just accept things, especially when things may not seem as good as we might think they should be, but that’s the point. To learn to be happy, at peace, with whatever is happening and allow faith, that belief that there is a Higher Power out there to guide us all, to be our guide even if we cannot see past the next step.

Last night I watched “Brokeback Mountain” and greatly enjoyed the film. As the ending approached and I realized what the story was, I began to cry. I wonder what it would be to have a love so strong that it kept you going for months even when you couldn’t see the other person, and then to keep you going for a life time. I wasn’t surprised that the movie dealt with societal pressures to be a certain way, to act according to some preconceived ideals of what is right and wrong based upon out-dated Judeo-Christian biases. If there is one thing that I have learned through all of the travels, the books, the people is that we should be true to ourselves and follow the path that is laid before us without regard to what others might think or believe. It is our own unique path and we are meant to follow it, sometimes because it means that there is a greater purpose to our rather simple life than what we might ever see.

As I watched the scenes of Montana wild country with the mountains, rivers, fields, and animals, I desired to be there at some point. Not just in Montana, but to be free again. Lately I’ve just felt a bit trapped and not sure if where I am is correct, but then I am reminded by the I Ching to stay steadfast and to continue on where I am. Maybe through all of this I’ll learn something more about myself, as I have already have. I’m beginning to realize that there are more important things in life than what I drive, where I live, and what I own. I’m realizing that people and relationships are important. I have to admit that I’ve been wondering if I’ll ever meet someone to share my life with, but I’m learning to control those thoughts as well through believing whatever will be shall be and just trusting Fate to see me through.

Thought for now: What do you desire? Why do you desire it? What purpose does it serve to desire? Are your desires generated by a fear of something? If so, then perhaps we should question why we desire something, through understanding why we desire things we might be able to understand clearly where we are and why we are here. Is there something to learn from being in our present circumstance?

A Fairie Glen

I haven’t often cried of late, however, the other evening as I was watching “A Fairy Tale” I began to cry. The movie was a true story about two little girls that were able to take photos of fairies in England some many years past. As I watched the movie I realized why I was crying. The woods around the family farm have always held the magic of the fairies, gnomes, and other forest creatures, but since the woods were destroyed by unknowing ideas I’ve sensed that the magic was gone. Yes, the fairies, gnomes and many other forest creatures had to leave to find new places to live. I asked my sister if she knew about fairies, she laughed and said they didn’t exist. I asked her if she believed in angels, and she said, “yes.” Then I proceeded to tell her about the many other spiritual type of creatures such as fairies, sprites, gnomes, and other things. I don’t know that she believes yet, but the seeds are planted.

Inside the new circular driveway is an area that is currently barren except for the well, pump system, and a few large Oak trees. I’ve cleaned it all up, burned the abundance of leaves and now it’s a playground for the creative process. I wish I had the financial means to just begin the process, but I suppose that’s part of the fun is to create as you have means and then finding ways of doing things when you don’t have the funds. I’ve decided to invite the various forest creatures back by creating a wonderful playground for them. Inside the circular drive is to become the Fairie Glen with a waterfall, some small ponds, lots of plants, flowers, rocks, moss, and I’m even going to build a fairie castle. I got the idea while watching the movie, because the two little girls built a playhouse for the fairies and put it out by the stream where they played. Maybe by creating a special place just for the fairies and other forest creatures, then perhaps they will bring the magic back. I’ve already noticed various birds and other creatures starting to come and visit around the house and gardens, even the hummingbirds are back now.

So I suppose a slow and steady process will help to bring things about so I’ve started with the basics of designing the overall layout of the Fairie Glen area and what the feel is to be when someone walks through the space. It will have two aspects to it, the view as you approach it from the driveway and the experience you have when you enter the magical space inside. I’m a bit excited about the prospect of having such a fun project, although it may be daunting at times because there will be a lot of work. I’ll have to bring in lots of dirt, large rocks, small rocks, water pumps, concrete, plants, and then the project of building a covering for the pump system and well. I’m thinking that the fairie castle will be positioned on top of the well house or near it. I’ll do as the I Ching has suggested by going in a slow and steady direction. But I’m excited.

Today my niece arrives back from Alabama. I’m going to clean the house, do laundry, and work on some other projects inside today. I’ve let the inside go for the last few days because I’ve been working so much on the outside with the new arrival of plants and mulch I had to get things going out there. The plants in the garden greatly enjoy the new mulch especially in the 105-degree heat because it helps to keep the moisture in the ground around them and I’m sure it keeps them cooler. I’m not sure what all is taking place around me, but I know that the things I’ve been working to help my sister regarding developing a positive relationship with her daughter and my mother has been stirring up some conversations. My sister gave up her power some time ago to be a mother and gave that power to my mother, so I’ve been working to guide her into taking back her power and realizing that she has the ability to respond to being a mother. Thus my niece is changing schools, she will be having limited time with my mother and her husband, and she will learn new responsibilities at home. I’ve missed her all summer, so I’m ready for her to be back home. Children have a way of bringing the fun to life.

While my niece has been gone, I’ve improved her bedroom and decorated it some so I’m hoping that she will like the new room. I was going to paint it, but her arrival is premature and I won’t have another week as believed. I’m eager to see how much she has grown and changed while she’s been gone. I’m excited to have her return.

Thought for now: Do you believe in fairies?

Harmony Hills

Sometimes I’m not sure what life is about, sometimes I’m not even sure what I’m about. I couldn’t sleep last night and the few minutes of the night I did sleep I dreamed some vivid dreams. I dreamed about why I couldn’t sleep well in my room. I needed to add more water elements to douse the fire of my fire personality so I could rest. So I suppose I’ll be looking into ways of incorporating water elements into my room to help me sleep and rest. I dreamed that I was alone. I’m not really alone, I know this as fact, but there are times that I do feel so very alone. I’m very different from most people and have always found it a bit difficult to fit in anywhere. I suppose part of the things I’ve been learning from the I Ching is that I don’t need to fit in, that I’m just to be true to myself and follow my own path and that by following my own path, learning to be steadfast in my beliefs, and believing in the overall good of people, events, and the world that others will join with me. I have to admit I’m tired of being alone, but there are times that I do enjoy being by myself. I would enjoy just having friends to give me a call sometime to chat about nothing, to invite me to go to the lake, to go eat dinner, or maybe watch a movie. I seem to be the one who does most of the calling in this regard so maybe that’s why I feel alone because if I didn’t call then maybe they wouldn’t. I have some wonderful friends but they all live in Texas and here in Louisiana, especially living out in the country, it’s a bit rough finding and making new friends.

I’ve often thought about moving back to Texas, or moving somewhere, but I’m not sure where I would want to go. I don’t really fit into the overall gay scene, the straight scene, the Christian scene, the new age scene so where is one to live? I will wait for the time to present itself for me to move again and will remain where I am until I’m shown where and when. I do enjoy being able to work in the gardens around the house and feel like I’m doing something for myself, although I know it’s for my sister. I do have a desire to have a place that is mine, with my own gardens and room for Roadie to play catch. According to the I Ching, I am not supposed to allow my desires to run unchecked, so I will leave it to the Higher Power to bring such things about and not dwell upon them too much.

I’m not supposed to give much thought to doubts and fears, although this lesson hasn’t been easy because lately there have been a lot of them about my life, my purpose, my finding a partner, my work, my company, and so much more. I don’t dwell upon them much, but they linger hauntingly in the back recesses of my mind just waiting for the moment my ego goes unchecked. Modesty, simplicity, and reticence are the key. And, also, being ever aware of the Higher Power’s involvement in my life. Since January I have read a lot of books, traveled to some interesting places and have asked a lot of questions which have caused me to look at my life a bit differently than before. Where is all of this heading I’m not sure, but I do know this, that wherever I’m going, I’ll enjoy the journey and learn to be present at each moment of the day so I won’t miss the joys that life brings.

Yesterday my brother-in-law and I went shopping and began talking about some ideas of how to utilize the land here to make money and develop some type of small business that would support the whole family. Several good ideas developed. Harmony Hills Growers was one of them and Harmony Hills Gardens & Bistro was the other. The first could work nicely with the second as the first would grow and sell unusual plants not readily available in the growing market today. It would be about experimenting with plants to develop some interesting plants that would have appeal to people. Through that aspect there would be gardens, which would provide the backdrop for a small, specialty bistro that would have a set price, set time, and set menu available on weekends and special holidays. It would be an outdoor bistro with small gazebos placed around a large Koi pond with the gardens flowing in various directions around it. Each gazebo would be outfitted with mosquito netting, fans (and heaters), lighting and other things to create a special place for people to come celebrate life. There would be small romantic gazebos perhaps with pillows and chaises. There would also be mid-sized ones for up to 6 people and some larger ones to accommodate up to 12 people. The kitchen would be in a separate building in the garden and available for special event catering and other such things. The question was how would we get people to drive out here and the answer was simple. We would be providing a great atmosphere not available anywhere else and with great food. Of course there is the question of money to get something like this started on either account, but the first one we could start and slowly build into something. The second might have to wait for a bit so the gardens can grow and we would have time to build everything and get things going good.

I hope that perhaps something can be accomplished to create a family-operated business, as it would greatly help everyone. My sister could even put in a flower shop, and maybe I could find a way to put up some small cabins and have a unique bed and breakfast combined with the bistro aspect. I can see some cabins dispersed through the grounds with paths leading through the gardens to the bistro area, the nursery area and the flower shop and kitchen. Maybe it will be, but as with most of my dream ideas, only time will tell. Perhaps it is time I devote myself to something and work to accomplish it. Here I could do just that. I’ll begin to process the idea a bit further and see how I could begin something and then believe in the power of the Creative to bring things about. For now I’ll not hope too much, doubt too much, or fear that something may not become reality. I’ll just quietly dream. This is something that I do wherever I am, because I am a dreamer, a person who can see things that aren’t there now, but could be. Maybe it’s time to stop dreaming and just be.

Thought for now: Shucks, is there a thought for now? I believe I’ll just let what ever questions you asked yourself be your personal thought for now as I’ve had a lot of them just from writing this.

The Green Book

Yesterday I drove into town to look for a dresser as the one I was using of my sister’s was sold to get it out of the home with the rest of her old bedroom set. It was something I was encouraging her to do because it held some very negative energies from a life she lived before and wasn’t aiding her relationship with her husband. So for now my clothes are stacked in various laundry baskets. I couldn’t find anything I could afford or desired if I could afford it. But while I was in town I met my sister and took her to lunch at the local health food store. I also visited The Peace of Mind Center, a local new age type of store with lots of books, crystals, and other things such as Yoga classes, belly dancing classes, Reiki, and so much more. I’m thinking of starting the Hatha Yoga there with Heather but I haven’t decided what day or time.

I went grocery shopping and then returned home. By the time I returned home I had a horrible headache, something I haven’t had in a long time. According to the green book (Permanent Healing by Daniel R. Condron, D.M., D.D., M.S.) a headache is about “restricting ways of thinking, producing pressure on Self. Fighting needed change. Procrastination.” And the remedy is to “respond to desires quickly. Allow no situation to get out of hand by postponing needed action.” As I lay on the sofa the only thing I could think of that I hadn’t done was to visit my cousin in the hospital, something I know I should have done. I believe I will be making another trip to town today just for that purpose.

Today’s I Ching reading was about Sheng/Pushing Upward – Through sincerely following the way of the Sage we attain the help of the Cosmos. It talked about that when we grow all of the people connected with us also grow. We should be resolute against our fears by maintaining the truth that they have goodness in them. “We maintain spiritual fitness through keeping aware of our inner feelings, and by keeping free of our ego. Such humility and sincerity invoke the help of the Higher Power.” The fifth changing line dealt with “One pushes upward by steps.” Which means, “Each step of progress is a separate entity, having its own beginning, middle and end. Each step is small.” It continued further but this one thing stood out for me, “We should not seek visible changes as a measure of success. We will have succeeded if we have stood firm and correct during the challenges.” (Quotes from A Guide to the I Ching by Carol K. Anthony.)

The changing hexagram was represented by Hsu/Waiting – Waiting in the correct attitude empowers the Creative. “We cultivate attributes that accumulate energy, such as modesty. We patiently cooperate with time as the vehicle of change, realizing that when the time comes to act, the Creative will indicate the correct way to respond. A correct waiting attitude is modest, unassuming, and independent. By clinging to a modest viewpoint we avoid comparing ourselves with others and thus are able to keep doubt dispersed; this helps us to remain free of the hopes and desires that destroy inner independence. The more we maintain inner independence and the more we keep attuned to the essential needs of the moment, the stronger more profound the power of the Creative becomes.” It also talked about holding on to Inner Truth and avoiding the pitfalls of doubt. It compared our withstanding against doubt as if standing against a wave. The first wave is strong, but the other waves are less powerful, so by standing firm, we eventually overcome doubt. “These waves are renewed only if we reconsider the thoughts that originally caused them.” So I suppose it’s our thoughts we are fighting and standing against so we hold only to the good and correct in ourselves and others, not to mention events around us.

Thought for now: Are there things you are procrastinating about? Are there things you know you should be doing but aren’t? Do you doubt yourself and others? I’m learning that sometimes it’s important to keep a positive view of others and myself even when things might not look so good. It’s in believing that each of us have the power of good within us and believing that we each have a path to follow and that only by following our own paths can success be achieved. Success not being financial, but spiritual.

A Memorial Rose Garden

Yesterday was an interesting day. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, but something happened within me. As I visited the small town nearby and worked in the garden I realized that things were changing inside of me – my thoughts, my perceptions, my attitude. I seemed calmer. I realized that my finances were improving thanks to the help of the Higher Power and my work on my own home to focus energies on Wealth and Prosperity as it relates to Feng Shui. I’ve become more attentive to the keeping track of things and getting bills paid on time. These actions have seemed to lift my spirits because I feel that I am able to respond in a positive way – responsible.

Last night, or should I say well into this early morning (5:00 am), I worked on balancing my bank accounts, I sent out thank you cards to clients, I prepared things to send to various people, and chose to believe that things will work out between my sister and her husband. I was very tired, but couldn’t sleep, although I continued to lie in the bed and finally drifted off to sleep. As I lay there I realized that Roadie’s recent misadventures are a result of my own creation, as I hadn’t been treating him with love and spending as much time with him. Thus, I will be spending more time with him and working with him more on training him. It will help ease the time of the day and bring us back together, not to mention prepare him for proper behavior.

Today I have a lot of errands to complete and have already begun to get things together. The first thing I’ve been doing in the mornings is to do an I Ching reading, write, post to the Blog, check emails and then get ready for the day. This mornings I Ching reading was about better times approach. It talked about arming “ourselves against the tendency, when times have improved, to revert to a careless, self-defeating attitude. When tensions begin to ease, an arrogant self-confidence returns and we forget that the source of our good luck has been our simplicity, humility, and dependence on the Higher Power.” (quote from A Guide to the I Ching.) I was encouraged to keep my reserve and conscientiousness and remember how to correctly relate to others, not to forget my limits, not to luxuriate in feeling good about progress, and to be more strict with myself through independence and inner discipline. I was encouraged that the result of such things would be peace. Thus, I will remain steadfast in good or bad times. Peace comes from within and I’m beginning to understand, but there is so much yet to understand and learn.

Yesterday as I was working in the garden it occurred to me that I had been wanting to create a memorial rose garden for my grandmother, and while I’ve been working the gardens here at my sister’s home that is what I’ve created. We’ve been calling it the rose garden because of the number of roses. I even stopped in Tyler at the rose growers and picked up more roses, climbing ones, treed ones, and some bushes. As I was hanging some banners on the new arbor I looked at one area and realized that I could hang a small sign. When my sister came home last night I asked her if we could make a sign and dedicate the rose garden. She was excited about the idea and soon we will be having the Vera B. Lee Memorial Rose Garden. This morning I asked the universe, the Divine God/Goddess to assist me in finishing this dream so that by next Spring we could have a dedication ceremony and invite various people to come and enjoy the rose garden and celebrate a wonderful woman’s life.

Thought for now: When things are going good, do you become arrogant and begin to believe that they will be good forever? Do you forget to be thankful for the Higher Power’s involvement? Do you remain steadfast in your thoughts, ideas, and such? I’m beginning to realize that part of my downfall has been my arrogant nature to jump into a self-confident mode and get all excited about making money. When I should have been remaining simple, humble, and thankful.

Influence

I awoke this morning with a feeling of excitement. It was if something good was about to happen today, that it was already happening and I wasn’t aware of it yet, but would be soon. Being excited about things and people was something that I had to keep in check upon my recent adventures in Austin and Fort Worth because my ego has a tendency to want to take credit for good things. While I was working with clients I had to constantly keep my ego in check by acknowledging to the Higher Power my thankfulness for the many gifts that were being presented and then remind my ego that it had no involvement in my successes.

Keeping my ego in check isn’t easy. I’m learning that it is something I have to do every moment. I’m even asking myself what feelings I am feeling to determine if I am following my path in a correct and good manner. This morning’s I Ching reading was Hsien/Influence (wooing) – An ‘influence’ is about to take place, an unexpected event that will challenge our inner stability. Just reading the introduction for the reading was enough to cause concern, but as I read, it talked about just such concerns. It talked about being receptive to others no matter how they have or will approach us. We should keep an open mind. Through this open mind we can deprive a negative situation of its tension and even reverse it. “Readiness also means that one’s attitude is innocent and independent, free of self-importance and emotional pressure. Thus balanced and alert, we automatically and without effort or intention receive and transmit good influences to others, acting as a conduit for the Cosmos to speak and act. Emotions such as desire, anxiety, feelings of negation and alienation, not only block our ability to receive from the Cosmos; they also transmit our dependence and weakness with a destructive effect. A weak inner self that vacillates from desire to doubt, from hope to fear, and from like to dislike, is immediately perceived by others. Moreover, weakness and dependence makes us objects of contempt, challenge and aggression, invoking the king-of-the-heap game; in this weakened state we are more affected by others’ positive or negative feelings. A correct inner attitude, in addition to making us a conduit for the creative, holds other people’s egos in check, cultivates the superior man within them, and frees us from being unconsciously affected by their inner feelings.”

It said that be receiving this hexagram that an influence was about to take place in which we will be challenged to hold to the correct way of influencing others. The only way to do this is to maintain a constant and good thought or mental attitude. In other words to remain detached through monitoring our inner feelings and not to react to elements of desire, fear, anger or a relaxation of inner discipline. “If our attitude is perseveringly neutral, then the creative energies of the Cosmos will be aroused and our response will be correct; if not, the pressures of the moment will cause our ego to surface and spoil the good influence we would otherwise have.” It talked about not intentionally creating responses in others by our actions or words and we shouldn’t be drawn into their attempts through flattery, seduction, manipulation, or irritation to engage us because these things are to incite a response in us and doesn’t allow us to remain steadfast.

As I’ve read I’m learning a lot about how to keep my ego in check, how not to respond to other’s influences and that I’m to keep myself in check at all times. I usually end each of my writings with a thought, however, this mornings I Ching reading said it best:

Thought for now: “The state of our mind and the attitude of our spirit affect the whole universe. Therefore, it is best to be conscientiously correct, even out of the sight and hearing of others. IN Chinese philosophy it is said that the slightest wave of the hand moves molecules all the way to the end of the universe. It is also true that the slightest change in our inner attitude affects those to whom we are connected, however far away they may be. Should we not, then, be careful of our innermost thoughts?”

NOTE: All quotes taken from A Guide to the I Ching by Carol K. Anthony.

Limitations

Controlling the ego isn’t easy, there are times when we want to allow it to flow claiming the victories or successes for ourselves, however, we should realize that our ego had nothing to do with it; the Higher Power did it all with us as a conduit. Yes, we are involved in our successes by our attitudes, our education, and our physical involvement. It is in knowing that that end success was brought about through our appreciation and accepting of the Higher Power’s direction and involvement that allows us to keep the ego in check. Yesterday’s work was exciting, fun, profitable, and plentiful. The comments from my clients can easily lead me to allow my ego to claim the success, however, I have to stop myself and instead of saying how great I am, I stop, I center and ground, then through sincere appreciation and humility I thank the Higher Power (the Divine God/Goddess or what ever name you choose for your Higher Power) for the blessings that I received. This helps me to put everything into perspective.

This morning’s I Ching reading is about accepting my limits. This is not only about knowing my limits for time availability, but also my personal limitations of the body and mind. “The limits we observe have to do with being a wanderer in a strange land; we may not proceed presumptuously, as we like, or arrogantly. Changes may be achieved only through gaining insight into the nature of the problem, attaining the help of the Sage, and depending on the penetrating power of inner truth. This way of achieving change at first seems feeble and restrictive, but when we later see that truth is empowered, and that the changes meet with universal approval, we realize how limitation gives meaning to life and power for good.” (Quote from A Guide to the I Ching)

I’m reminded that I’m not to beat myself up for failures, or force too much improvement in my life. It is best gained through a steady, slow increase, such as the truths I teach my clients regarding how Feng Shui works. It is always a steady increase and the setbacks should be lesser than the previous one, then we increase again. It is through these setbacks or failures that we learn, so even though sometimes we might want to feel bad about a setback we should realize that this is a lesson that will help us move forward.

Thought for now: How do you perceive yourself? Do you know your limitations? Do you beat yourself up when you experience a setback or failure? Do you acknowledge the Higher Power’s involvement in your life? I’m learning that knowing my limitations, perceiving myself in a positive light through love of self, then I am able to regard the setbacks as an chance to learn something that will help guide me along my path.

Modesty and Reticence

Yesterday I was blessed richly. As I’ve been learning to control my ego and acknowledge the Higher Power’s involvement in my success I’m learning what humility truly is. As I worked with two new clients yesterday and talked with other clients on the phone I was humbled. In the old days I would have allowed my ego to say, “wow, look how wonderful you are, see they like you, look what you did, you are great.” However, yesterday I realized that the gifts of insight, knowledge, and love that I have are to be shared freely. As I worked with my clients and saw their lives beginning to improve through a change in how they see things, how they think of things, then I realized that it wasn’t me, I was only a conduit. Thus, I couldn’t allow my ego to claim anything, but I had to acknowledge that it was the Higher Power working through me to help guide others. I am understanding thankfulness through this process because through humility thankfulness follows. It’s being thankful to the Higher Power for the blessings.

Today’s I Ching reading was Heng/Duration, which talked about going on as before, without wavering, or changing direction. It talked about following our paths by taking the low road of what is good and correct, not the high road of our ego. That we are to persevere by continuing with what we know is good and correct and allowing others the freedom and space to learn and grow. The changing hexagram represented by Ta Kuo/Preponderance of the Great, which I have received previously, reminded me that now is the time for great success, but only through modesty and reticence can such success be acknowledged, appreciated and achieved. “We can meet this challenge if we remain detached and allow the changes to proceed as they will. Then our way of life will slowly penetrate to others without pressure, explanation, or demonstration. Such ‘gentle penetration’ allows healing and attraction to occur naturally. To be truly rich is to remain modest; to be truly powerful is to remain reticent. Through modesty and reticence we achieve a real superiority over the situation.” (Quote from A Guide to the I Ching.)

I am realizing the power of humility and reticence in my life because as I practice and learn such things I’m seeing how my life is changing in a powerful way and the power it presents to myself and to others; power that isn’t overwhelming, but quite with a soft presence that cannot harm others or myself.

Thought for now: Have you acknowledged your appreciation and thankfulness for the many blessings that flow daily into your life? I believe as we become truly thankful to the Higher Power for these blessings that we are humbled and through this humility we can continue on our paths without allowing our egos to seek to claim victory for our successes. I encourage everyone to take a moment and look at your blessings daily and say thank you. This will help us to realize how blessed we are, how rich we are (riches aren’t just measured in financial security but also in the relationships, love, knowledge and other things.), and that these blessings are gifts from the Higher Power, not just created by our own efforts.

Independence Day

Today is July 4th, The United States’ Independence Day. There will be celebrations around the country today with fireworks and excitement most of the evening. I suppose celebrating our independence is good. But today I’m celebrating my Inner Independence. Learning to stay centered and focused without regard to what other’s might say or think, believing in the good and correct in myself, others and the universal whole, and believing in the Higher Power, the Divine God/Goddess, to guide my life, the lives of others, and the universal whole into the right direction isn’t an easy thing. This modesty and reticence isn’t easy for me. It seems I must have a very large ego, because everyday I’m having to put it in it’s place. Gifts, friends, family, and things have richly blessed my life; but yet, I really didn’t do anything to receive them. They are all gifts. I am to show appreciation with a thankful heart. I am to acknowledge that my ego didn’t accomplish a thing, but it was the universe’s direction that led me to where I am now.

Learning to be independent, as with a country who struggles with war to gain it, isn’t always an easy path, however, it’s a path worth following, not looking back, aside, or too far ahead because this path will teach us to be whole, find peace, learn understanding and relate better to others as we relate better with the Great Sage.

I’m departing in a bit for Fort Worth, Texas, to meet with a new client, spend the evening with a dear friend of mine, then head on to Austin for the rest of the week. I’m thankful for the work, reputation, experience, clients, and friends that the Divine God/Goddess has provided me. The lesson from last night’s I Ching reading about what my week in Austin will be about resulted in me knowing that I have great power, but that power isn’t mine. That I am to learn to keep my ego under control, remain modest, and learn reticence while giving thanks to the Higher Power and acknowledging the Great Sage’s guidance in my life.

The young man I was dating in Fort Worth, well, he and I will remain friends for now, as I do not believe that either of us are able to devote ourselves to dating at this time. He’s a great guy and I know that he will be able to turn his life around. I’m here in Louisiana and believing that oneday love will find it’s way to my front door. But for now, I’m going to continue to work on developing my Inner Independence so I can each year celebrate in my own way that fact that I am learning to be guided by the good and correct, trust in faith, and believe that the path ahead is the one I’m to follow.

Thought for now: What does today mean to you? What does your independence mean?

Rain and Thunder

Have you ever had a night of restless sleep where you feel as if you have been struggling with someone all night? I awoke this morning a bit stiff, anxious, and concerned about why I had struggled so much last night. Thus, the first thing I did was to curl up in my quilt, sit up straight and meditate. I figured that if I had struggled that much with something in my sleep, I wanted to be clear in my mind before I started my day. Focused and centered. I’m not as anxious now as when I first awoke.

I feel like I’m on the verge of something wonderful, something is about to change, maybe it’s me? This morning’s I Ching reading was related to yesterday’s so it seems that everything is running together. That the lessons I’m learning are related to each other. Since the I Ching reading isn’t very long today, I’ll just retype it here. Today’s reading was yesterday’s Changing Hexagram. (You can learn more about what a Changing Hexagram is when you learn about the I Ching.)

“This hexagram is composed of K’an (rain) and Chen (thunder), two of the most active trigrams. Their interaction describes the ‘teeming chaotic profusion’ that creates multiple possibilities at the beginning of new situation, so that we do not know which way to go. We must not allow ourselves to be intimidated by the storm – the flux and ambiguity of such times – so that we jump to the conclusion that Fate is against us, and that we are left to resolve the situation without any help. Restless action interferes with the creative process unfolding. If we can persevere in non-action and disengagement, the Creative will resolve everything correctly.

Often we receive this hexagram when we have allowed the stress of the situation to prevent us from gaining a true perspective. Feeling unable to wait for the perspective to become clear, we virtually jump to any solution that offers itself, or we fall back into old ways of doing things and abandon the slow, step-by-step way of the Sage to ‘go with the flow’ and allow the correct way to show itself. A true perspective is possible only when we disperse the pressures that urge us to act, and when we relinquish seeing the situation as a problem requiring intervention. It is also important to ask help of the Higher Power to gain the insight that makes progress possible.

During the difficult times at the beginning we need to realize that everything that happens has good purposes that will be understood later. We are at the dynamic moment in which an inner-world change is beginning to precipitate into an outer-world change; whether the change is carried to completion depends on our not interfering, and on our seeking guidance from the Sage of the I Ching, and following it.”

(Quote from A Guide to the I Ching, by Carol K. Anthony)

So it is that I’ve been praying a lot to the Divine God/Goddess and asking for understanding, clarity, and help to guide me along this path. The path winds around the trees, over the hillside, around the lakes and streams, and I can only see so far, so it is with faith that I believe and keep going along my life path as directed knowing that the Higher Power will reveal what I need to know when it is time.

Thought for now: Are we interfering in things when we should be sitting back and allowing them to unfold as they may? What causes our feeling or need to react to something? I think there is wisdom here and I’m eager to ask myself these same questions the next time I feel the need to act upon something, when maybe all I need to do is sit quietly, pray and believe.

Conflict

Developing one’s social skills isn’t something one accomplishes while living in the country, shucks, even just finding little things to occupy your mind aren’t easy. Thus I read a lot, find as many little projects as I can that I can afford to work on, watch some television, work on the house, and dream.

One of the things I’ve been learning lately is that of not anticipating what is to come, yes, I’m to prepare by looking at the truths of any given situation, but not prepare my responses, not to look behind me at what was or has been, not to look beside me to measure myself against others, and not to look ahead of me to find answers that won’t be revealed because it’s not time for me to know then yet. Increasingly it’s about living in the present, the here and now, this one tiny moment.

As a dreamer, I can dream many things, most grandiose and not practical. Living in the moment means that we are ever present with any event or person who may be with us in that moment. Lately, I’ve been having trouble with the people aspect as I’ve withdrawn from most of them in order to give them space to err, to grow, to learn and I just watch. I suppose that is why I desire a place to call my own, so I can have my alone time. However, along with Roadie, I would enjoy the company of a lover. I say a lover because these days I’m opening myself to the possibility of anything. Yes, I’m gay, but I’m finding that sometimes companionship is more important than sex.

Yesterday’s I Ching reading was about Conflict. It seems that most conflict is derived from our Inner Conflicts – we’re not being true to ourselves and thus not able to be true to others. I’m finding that being true to myself involves me learning to find my own character, my strengths, to know my values and then to live my life by them. I’ve had many experiences to help me determine what my values should be, so now I’m working on learning to be true to them. This also involves relationships as I’m learning what I want and what I don’t want.

What I want is someone who is communicative, spiritual, adventurous, intellectual, affectionate, loving, compassionate, and mostly someone that I enjoy spending time with. I’d been rushing into things, but then again nothing happens by chance, everything is all part of the grand design, so I suppose I’ve been through a learning experience. One of the things that yesterday’s I Ching reading brought about is that conflict with others can generally be avoided at the beginning if we carefully determine fair and just terms. “In all his transactions the superior man carefully considers the beginning.”

I think the book, A Guide to the I Ching, says it best. “To put that relationship on a firm footing one must take the time to allow an understanding of fair and just principles to develop. However, before we can successfully marry another, we must first marry ourselves, for being true to ourselves is the only basis for loyalty to others. … The person who has married himself is unwilling to do things that cause a loss of his inner balance and integrity. He cannot forswear to anyone else his relationship with the Higher Power, or compromise his dignity or integrity merely to respond to another’s selfish demands and expectations. Others need to realize in advance that we are committed to such personal integrity, in order to avoid misunderstandings. This is not something we may tell them, but is something they will understand if we are firm and unwavering in following our values.”

I suppose according to all of the things I’ve been reading from the I Ching that I’m to let everyone go and allow them the freedom to become who they are to be, which allows me to learn to be true to myself. I’m single again (or so the facts point to this, but I'm waiting to see), but I’m developing a greater sense of who I am and what I want in a relationship. At least I’m learning to open myself to others, something I’ve not been able to do in a long time. There for a while I utilized various online methods to meet other men, but I’ve realized that by doing so I only met those people who lived their lives on the computer. So I have deleted all of the various profiles I had created in favor of allowing Fate to bring about a suitable lover through real time, interactive, old-fashioned get out and meet ways. Now to believe in the Higher Power, the Divine God/Goddess, the Sage, and Fate to bring about such an encounter while I continue to learn about myself and how to remain true to myself.

Thought for now: What inner conflicts are causing misunderstandings in your various relationships? Most conflict begins when we have our inner conflicts so in order to resolve the outer conflicts I believe we should resolve our inner conflicts. As we resolve our inner conflicts Fate and the Higher Power will begin to resolve peacefully all of the other conflicts. Part of resolving our conflicts is meeting people half way. This isn’t about going all the way to them, but allowing each person to take action to resolve an issue by meeting the other half way. This half-way meeting allows each to show their intentions to resolve the situation. If the other person isn’t interested in meeting you half way, then give them space and time for Fate to allow them the freedom to learn and grow, and even err, but hold fast to your inner self and your values.

Believing, Good and Correct

For some years now I have always lived in someone else’s home, either renting or living with friends. Lately, after living with my sister and the experiences of the traveling, I’ve started to become more interested in obtaining a place for me, something I own. Nothing to grand, mind you, just something small, yet big enough for Roadie and I, hopefully with a yard for Roadie or at least a park or green space so we can go walking.

Yesterday, I began a several projects and as I was working on each one, all I could think about was that I should be doing this to create something for me, yet all of my life, I have created for everyone else, nothing for me. I’m talking about homes here, not art or other things, as I have created plenty of that for myself. I’ve never been one that desired a home to call my own, so this is something new for me. Perhaps it is time for me to create roots and settle down somewhere, but where? I know that the Great God/Goddess will provide the way, the place, and the property when it is time for such things. I just have to continue to believe and trust in the good and correct.

Since I’ve begun my work with the I Ching, it seems that I’ve begun work on changing my way of thinking. Every lesson so far has dealt with the aspect of how I perceive others; that I should only see what is good in them, however, bad they may seem. I’ve been shown that humility, reticence and love should guide our paths, along with faith and belief that the Great Sage will guide my path. It seems the natural paths are always curvaceous, lined with trees and things to prevent us from seeing too far ahead, thus we travel our Life’s Path through faith not knowing what is to come, only believing in what is good and correct for ourselves, and developing our character so we can remain firm in our beliefs and firm in only seeing what is good. It’s our attitude and thoughts that guide our lives, encourage others, and allows all of us to be free.

In an earlier writing I spoke about mental prisons, it seems that we can create them not only for ourselves, but for others by the way we think (or believe) about them. I suppose that is why yesterday’s I Ching reading was one that took me some time to work through. As I have been “looking behind,” “looking ahead,” and “looking aside” concerning myself and my family members when I should be just enjoying the moment, seeing the good, and believing. I had believed that I had begun to deal with my issues regarding my real mother, but apparently I still have issues to work through. It is a lesson that will not be easy for me, but I am working towards only seeing the good and correct in my family, especially my mother, who of late I haven’t been very nice to.

Even amongst my family, while living here, I have withdrawn some. I’m learning reticence. I’m learning to hold my tongue and only speak when the time is right and then only to speak what is good and correct. Developing one’s character hasn’t been a strong suite of mine as I have let many things hamper my progress because for a long time all I’ve wanted to do is run away. The time for running is past and now is the time for learning to stand firm and be strong enough to endure the various waves that may rush over me.

Thought for now: When we look at family, friends, and other people what do we see? Do we see the past, the future, or do we see only what is good and correct within them? Do we choose to see them in a positive way? I’ll be the first to admit that this isn’t always easy, for I’ve been learning the hard way. But I have to admit the truth of the situation, that it is for our own peace of mind that we learn to see the good and correct, to live our lives without fear or doubt, and to believe in the power of the Creative, the Divine God/Goddess to guide our lives.