Having responsibility laid upon my shoulders is something I have fought against most of my life, so perhaps it is something I'm here to resolve, embrace, and accept, if not for this life, then in preparation for what is to come. At every turn in my life, even when I try to run away, the universe brings responsibility back to me. Currently I've realized that I have the responsibility to work in Austin so I can make money to support the new plant nursery, that I'm the one person who can make the plant nursery a success (as without me no one here would know what to do, how to grow the plants, etc.), and that apparently I've been placed here to guide my family.
I see some wonderful aspects of my family, like a sister with a big heart and a strong desire to be something more than she allows herself to be, a father who can laugh and play even while working hard, a mother with enthusiasm for everything, a niece who is loving and capable of so much. Then I see me, not as the world sees me, but I see the failure, the troubled mind, the worried thoughts, and the fear of being the one in charge. How do I find a way to guide my family, assist my clients, and make a plant nursery a success weights heavily upon my mind. "Did I find the correct ways to alter the energies of a home for a client?" "How do I get enough plants growing on my current limited budget?" "Why is it up to me to guide my family?" Such questions of my self are the norm.
As I sit here late into the early morning, as I'm not able to sleep, I listen to the sounds of the forest and lake outside. They calm my senses and mind, and yet there is such a yearning to go outside and be there with them, to become part of them, to be as free as they appear. I haven't been meditating, which is something I have to start doing again, I haven't been developing my spiritual aspects, and I haven't been doing so much more. I can see as I type this that I've become so overwhelmed with what is happening around me that I have neglected myself.
Tonight as I sat earlier just reading a magazine I noticed a small frog hopping on the floor by my feet. I couldn't imagine a frog in the cabin, so I got up and found him, caught him and put him outside where he belonged. However, I did have to see what message he brought to me and here it is (from www.Linsdomain.com):
Frog represents Transformation
The frog is the totem of metamorphosis.
It symbolizes coming into your personal power.
It reminds us not to become bogged down with day-to-day living.
It is the totem of water.
Its voice calls forth the rains.
Emotions are associated with water and
a frog totem may be telling you to get in touch with your feelings.
People with frog medicine give support and energywhere it is needed.
They can cleanse the negativity from an environment.
The frog is the totem of metamorphosis.
It symbolizes coming into your personal power.
It reminds us not to become bogged down with day-to-day living.
It is the totem of water.
Its voice calls forth the rains.
Emotions are associated with water and
a frog totem may be telling you to get in touch with your feelings.
People with frog medicine give support and energywhere it is needed.
They can cleanse the negativity from an environment.
So I suppose the message from the friendly little frog is that I should connect with my feelings, return to my roots of being able to go with the flow, to not allow the day-to-day activities to weight me down, to realize my own personal power, and to understand that I am here to remove negative energy from the environment of myself, my family, and my clients.
I know I am very gifted in ways others might not understand, connected to the universe in ways that even I don't understand, and that I have helped many people. Can I acknowledge this personal power, accept it, embrace it, and learn to stay centered in the storm of life? Only time will tell.
