“Your mind is shut tight, like this.” Melchoir held out his hand making a fist so tight that the knuckles were white. “You’re keeping us from where we need to go.”
“And where is that?”
“Wherever your mind will take us. At present, we’re just walking the same dull road. We need to break out.” …
“It’s a state of mind, then? A predisposition?” …
“What if that tramp is a tramp because of your state of mind, your predisposition?” …
“Everyone creates the world they perceive, and we all perceive according to impressions fixed in the past.”
“That sounds very abstract.”
“It’s not. It’s the way we create things, events, and other people.”
“Come now, I can’t create other people. I’m not God, or if I am, I hope I’d create him better than that.”
“You aren’t responsible for creating the souls of other people, but how they relate to you is your creation. If you have an enemy, he is created in your own heart; the people who make you afraid make others happy, the ones you hat are loved by others. We’ve passed a dozen people already who could have been our salvation, our guides. But you’ve shut them out. Can you see this one as a guide?”
The above quote was taken from The Return of Merlin by Deepak Chopra.
I spoke in depth with my dearest friend of many years last night about these truths. I also was reminded of them the other night when I attended a Revival Church meeting with my friend Kathy and her mother. I’ll start with my own experience at the church meeting.
I haven’t been inside of a church in many years. As a child I grew up attending various Southern Baptist Churches and my uncles Pentacostal Church. I always loved the music and getting to see friends, and of course the learning experiences. The other night I agreed to escort Kathy and her mom to this Revival meeting because it was important to her. As I sat there I began to get excited about the music, but then as we began to sing, I was suddenly faced with the question – is this truth? I looked at the words of the songs and began to ponder them. No, they were not truth, only a limited perception created to soothe the souls of those who longed for something more. I couldn’t sing those songs. As I watched the people and listened to the various small town preachers I realized that I should have compassion for them, but I didn’t. Instead I felt superior. I sat there for that hour pondering why I didn’t have compassion and why I was allowing myself to feel superior to them. I began to ask why wasn’t I more humble. I later looked up the word ‘humility’ and the definition surprised me. It seems the word humility is a Christian word and its roots founded in the words of the Bible. I no longer call myself a Christian, although I believe there can be truths derived from the reading of the stories of Jesus in the Bible that can lead one into knowing, Gnosis. So now I have to concentrate on my mind, how I create my experiences with others. I don’t have to be humble, but I do have to have compassion and open myself to the possibility of one of these people as a guide.
As I talked last night with my best friend he expressed what he has been learning about these truths and I helped guide him into further realization of the power of his mind, his perceptions, and what he was creating. I am extremely excited to see my friend come into this knowing. I have a great love for my friend and he has begun the process to overcome those ‘impressions fixed in the past’ regarding who he is and how he relates to others. I desire for him to come into a full acceptance of his love for self, his own power, and how wonderful of a person he is. I believe he is on that path of discovery.
We cannot create another soul, only how we relate to them, perceive them, and how we create the events involved when we relate to them. It’s the power of our thoughts, our minds, that have the power for creating. As my friend spoke I was reminded of the importance of quieting the mind through meditation and we talked about meditation a bit. Meditation is something I enjoy, and have a strong desire to learn more about various types of meditation. Only by quieting the mind can we really begin to see clearly the thoughts that are rushing through our minds and then begin the process of asking ourselves if these thoughts are truth.
Truth is that I’m not superior to anyone, in fact I have many things yet to learn and can learn from many people, even those I have perceived as without. Truth is that I am creating the people, the experiences, and the events around me. Truth is that I have some incredible friends. Truth is that I am love and should express that love more freely to everyone. Truth is that I should open my mind so that I can find the guides that can help me realize the truths I am seeking, that place of pure love, light and freedom.
The other night while at the church meeting when they began to read from the Bible they asked everyone to stand. I know why they stand because for them the Bible is something to be revered and they stand to honor it. I’m sure some around me were curious as to why I was the only person sitting down during that time, but I could not do something that was against what I held as truth. I couldn’t honor the Bible as a Holy Book with its words derived from God as the only way to salvation. As I have looked back over my now 43 years, soon to be 44, I realize that I have created many events, experiences and people to show me how to grow into the person that I am becoming. By opening my mind I am realizing my own power to create, the value of others, the value of relationships, and the many possibilities that can be created.
Thought for now: What ‘impressions fixed in the past’ limits how you relate to other people? What expectations have you placed upon yourself and others? Is your mind open or as Melchoir phrased it, ‘shut tight’? What are you creating?
Expectations can limit what is real when the moment is presented, so why should we limit our experiences? Release yourself and others from expectations and just love the living of every moment so you can enjoy the life we are each creating.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Relativity, Newtonian Physics, and Thoughts
All of the quotes within this section are from the book Permanent Healing by Daniel R. Condron. One of the books I have been reading lately. You can find out more about this book in the Book List section of my Blog.
“Relativity theory says that mass is another form of energy. Therefore, when we apply enough energy in the direction of causing growthful improvement and enlightenment in our life, the result will be that we will overcome the inertia of our old limited way of being. Mass (and therefore our lives) is not static but rather is one of motion and change. To create fulfillment in life, we quicken this change and motion in the direction of our inner desires and ideals for Self fulfillment. The discovery that mass is a form of energy aids us in understanding that the nature of the physical is change. We can change with it and even cause greater change. We can build control and fulfillment in life, or we can resist change, be out of control, and be filled with sadness and despair.”
Energy is always changing, moving, and connected on an atomic and subatomic level. We are energy. Our thoughts are energy. We are always in motion, changing, growing. As I have traveled in this perceived time I have seen many sad people, people who have trapped themselves in their thoughts, people who are creating such despair and sadness all around them (not just in their lives, but in the lives of those they come in contact with.), and people who are creating beautiful dreams around themselves that affect the physical in their lives, in nature, and in the lives of others they come into contact with.
We are changing, so I suppose the thought for now is are we building control and fulfillment or resisting?
“the universe is alive in motion, and that what you do through energy interaction affects the rest of the universe. Your thoughts have energy and therefore affect and influence the energy of the rest of the universe.”
I have written about this concept in many sections, but it seems to be coming up again so I will write about it again. Thoughts create words, words create actions, actions create intent, and intents are brought about through the universe. Thus, what we think we become or create. We are not only creating (dreaming) our own lives but also the lives of those around us, and the universe. Nothing we do is just about ourselves, it is affecting everything around us and even farther, affecting the whole universe.
“It is by your thought of today that you create tomorrow.”
I have been learning this valuable lesson and I believe it resonates well with the work I have been doing. What I think today is created as a perceived reality tomorrow. I am learning to control my thoughts so I can create the kind of life I desire for myself, and the kind of life I would like to see for all of us – a life full of beauty, peace, happiness, and love. What thoughts are you thinking today that will be created tomorrow in our physical realm?
“Our physical experience is one of entrapment. We are entrapped or engrossed in a physical body. … the attractive forces of the senses keeps us engrossed for we, being dependent on our senses for experiencing and learning in that environment, begin to believe that the total reality is what we experience with the senses. Thus, we forget that we are a soul or spirit or subconscious mind only inhabiting the body for a lifetime. As we pursue concentration, meditation, and dream interpretation, we begin to experience these higher levels of reality.”
I have always known that I was more than this physical body because as early as I can remember I would go walking through the woods at the family farm in Louisiana looking up into the trees and sky and asking to please let me go ‘home’. I have never felt connected to this physical realm and my thoughts have always been in the spiritual realm. Early in life I resisted the physical and now later in life I am having to learn balance of the physical so that I can find the peace I desire. Balance of the senses and experiences so that I do not over indulge in any one area or sensation.
As I have begun to learn about meditation, which is allowing my mind to become more focused, and as I have begun to realize my connectedness with all then I am beginning to see the various levels of what is real. Yes, I am a spiritual being, so are you. We are living in a physical body so we can experience and learn things in this lifetime to help us in later lifetimes or in the spiritual realm. I believe what we learn can be shared with others to help them, thus bringing every living thing into a state of consciousness filled with truth, happiness, and love.
“Your thoughts affect and control your world around you and this world around you includes your physical body which is the most immediate environment or vehicle for you the thinker, the soul.”
This quote resonates strongly in my mind as I have seen it and experienced it. My thoughts created dis-ease in my body because I wanted the illness because I was afraid of something, wanted attention, or otherwise just didn’t want to accept who I really am. As I have learned to alter my thoughts into positive energy I am finding a healthy body, a focused mind, and a free spirit that is The Creative Mind, the life dreamer, the master magician.
Some have said that what we think we become. I take that a bit further. What we think, we become, others become, and the world becomes. Look around you, open your eyes and see what we have been creating with our thoughts. Yes, we all have to take ownership because we are each responsible (able to respond is what responsibility means) for what is present in this physical realm. Why can’t we realize this truth and begin to create beauty, health, and freedom so we can all experience the joy, the mystery, the fulfillment of life? We are not only affecting our physical body but we are affecting everything.
Thought for now: What are the thoughts you think about yourself, about others, about life? Are they thoughts (energy) that will benefit or destroy? Thoughts that will cause healing or dis-ease? Thoughts that will create beauty or chaos? What we think, our thoughts, create the world around us, create our physical bodies, create the events in our lives. If this is the case, then what thoughts are you thinking?
“Relativity theory says that mass is another form of energy. Therefore, when we apply enough energy in the direction of causing growthful improvement and enlightenment in our life, the result will be that we will overcome the inertia of our old limited way of being. Mass (and therefore our lives) is not static but rather is one of motion and change. To create fulfillment in life, we quicken this change and motion in the direction of our inner desires and ideals for Self fulfillment. The discovery that mass is a form of energy aids us in understanding that the nature of the physical is change. We can change with it and even cause greater change. We can build control and fulfillment in life, or we can resist change, be out of control, and be filled with sadness and despair.”
Energy is always changing, moving, and connected on an atomic and subatomic level. We are energy. Our thoughts are energy. We are always in motion, changing, growing. As I have traveled in this perceived time I have seen many sad people, people who have trapped themselves in their thoughts, people who are creating such despair and sadness all around them (not just in their lives, but in the lives of those they come in contact with.), and people who are creating beautiful dreams around themselves that affect the physical in their lives, in nature, and in the lives of others they come into contact with.
We are changing, so I suppose the thought for now is are we building control and fulfillment or resisting?
“the universe is alive in motion, and that what you do through energy interaction affects the rest of the universe. Your thoughts have energy and therefore affect and influence the energy of the rest of the universe.”
I have written about this concept in many sections, but it seems to be coming up again so I will write about it again. Thoughts create words, words create actions, actions create intent, and intents are brought about through the universe. Thus, what we think we become or create. We are not only creating (dreaming) our own lives but also the lives of those around us, and the universe. Nothing we do is just about ourselves, it is affecting everything around us and even farther, affecting the whole universe.
“It is by your thought of today that you create tomorrow.”
I have been learning this valuable lesson and I believe it resonates well with the work I have been doing. What I think today is created as a perceived reality tomorrow. I am learning to control my thoughts so I can create the kind of life I desire for myself, and the kind of life I would like to see for all of us – a life full of beauty, peace, happiness, and love. What thoughts are you thinking today that will be created tomorrow in our physical realm?
“Our physical experience is one of entrapment. We are entrapped or engrossed in a physical body. … the attractive forces of the senses keeps us engrossed for we, being dependent on our senses for experiencing and learning in that environment, begin to believe that the total reality is what we experience with the senses. Thus, we forget that we are a soul or spirit or subconscious mind only inhabiting the body for a lifetime. As we pursue concentration, meditation, and dream interpretation, we begin to experience these higher levels of reality.”
I have always known that I was more than this physical body because as early as I can remember I would go walking through the woods at the family farm in Louisiana looking up into the trees and sky and asking to please let me go ‘home’. I have never felt connected to this physical realm and my thoughts have always been in the spiritual realm. Early in life I resisted the physical and now later in life I am having to learn balance of the physical so that I can find the peace I desire. Balance of the senses and experiences so that I do not over indulge in any one area or sensation.
As I have begun to learn about meditation, which is allowing my mind to become more focused, and as I have begun to realize my connectedness with all then I am beginning to see the various levels of what is real. Yes, I am a spiritual being, so are you. We are living in a physical body so we can experience and learn things in this lifetime to help us in later lifetimes or in the spiritual realm. I believe what we learn can be shared with others to help them, thus bringing every living thing into a state of consciousness filled with truth, happiness, and love.
“Your thoughts affect and control your world around you and this world around you includes your physical body which is the most immediate environment or vehicle for you the thinker, the soul.”
This quote resonates strongly in my mind as I have seen it and experienced it. My thoughts created dis-ease in my body because I wanted the illness because I was afraid of something, wanted attention, or otherwise just didn’t want to accept who I really am. As I have learned to alter my thoughts into positive energy I am finding a healthy body, a focused mind, and a free spirit that is The Creative Mind, the life dreamer, the master magician.
Some have said that what we think we become. I take that a bit further. What we think, we become, others become, and the world becomes. Look around you, open your eyes and see what we have been creating with our thoughts. Yes, we all have to take ownership because we are each responsible (able to respond is what responsibility means) for what is present in this physical realm. Why can’t we realize this truth and begin to create beauty, health, and freedom so we can all experience the joy, the mystery, the fulfillment of life? We are not only affecting our physical body but we are affecting everything.
Thought for now: What are the thoughts you think about yourself, about others, about life? Are they thoughts (energy) that will benefit or destroy? Thoughts that will cause healing or dis-ease? Thoughts that will create beauty or chaos? What we think, our thoughts, create the world around us, create our physical bodies, create the events in our lives. If this is the case, then what thoughts are you thinking?
Sunday, March 26, 2006
My Book List
The Creative Mind’s Book List: I’ve begun to create this book list so others can obtain these books for their reading pleasures. I’ll keep updating this list as my library grows. If you have a book you would like to recommend for inclusion in this list, please let me know.
The Return of Merlin by Deepak Chopra offered here by the Chopra Center Store
Permanent Healing by Daniel R. Condron offered here by School of Metaphysics Bookstore
The ABC’s of Chakra Therapy by Deedre Diemer offered here by Bagchee.com
The Laughing Jesus, Religious Lies and Gnostic Wisdom by Timothy Freke & Peter Gandy offered here by BestBuyBooks.com
Art and Healing, Using Expressive Art to Heal Your Body, Mind, and Spirit by Barbara Ganim offered here by Random House and Crown Publishing
The Five Tibetans, Five Dynamic Exercises for Health, Energy, and Personal Power by Christopher S. Kilham offered here by Amazon.com
A Dictionary of Angels, including the fallen angels by Gustav Davidson offered here by Amazon.com
The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield offered here by Amazon.com and also check out the CelestineVision.com web site.
The Return of Merlin by Deepak Chopra offered here by the Chopra Center Store
Permanent Healing by Daniel R. Condron offered here by School of Metaphysics Bookstore
The ABC’s of Chakra Therapy by Deedre Diemer offered here by Bagchee.com
The Laughing Jesus, Religious Lies and Gnostic Wisdom by Timothy Freke & Peter Gandy offered here by BestBuyBooks.com
Art and Healing, Using Expressive Art to Heal Your Body, Mind, and Spirit by Barbara Ganim offered here by Random House and Crown Publishing
The Five Tibetans, Five Dynamic Exercises for Health, Energy, and Personal Power by Christopher S. Kilham offered here by Amazon.com
A Dictionary of Angels, including the fallen angels by Gustav Davidson offered here by Amazon.com
The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield offered here by Amazon.com and also check out the CelestineVision.com web site.
Expectations
“people live their whole lives shut in by walls. Reality stands before them, yet they don’t see it, because what you call real is just the mirror image of your expectations. You project the same images everywhere you go. They blind you; they keep you chained to the past, but your greatest fear is that one day the mirror will show you reality.”
“But how do we find out what is real?”
“Reality is simply what is; reality is the thing in front of your nose, pressing so close that there is no room to miss it. But you do miss it, because all you see is what you think should be there.”
“Nothing is doing anything, because there is only perfect peace and order.”
These quotes were taken from The Return of Merlin. I read these last night. Yesterday I wrote about the mental prisons and as I read this last night it reminded me of those prisons we create for ourselves. Those chains created by keeping false ideas derived from parents, churches, schools, friends, and family while we were growing up. As we were growing up many things happened and we were told many things. I have discovered that many of those things – thoughts or beliefs – are false to what really is and had held me captive for many years in despair, depression, and feelings of worthlessness, and so many other negative aspects. As I have begun the process to SEE WHAT IS, I have been able to find that perfect peace and order.
It hasn’t been an easy journey of discovery, however the pain I had to face was the thing that showed me where to focus to find healing. I believe it may take me a lifetime to uncover and release all of the negative aspects that I have long held to be falsely true about myself, but I know that I have the power to overcome them. We all have the power to overcome the negative aspects of our pasts. The power is our mind, our thoughts, and our free will to change them. Truth can be found in many forms, from many religions, and from the many events that we created for ourselves to help us grow.
I have been learning about Numerology and last night in my online course I learned about Karmic debt. I have been learning Numerology from Decoz.com. It’s a free course and has helped me understand the Pythagorean aspects of Numerology. Karmic debt is derived from what happened in previous lives. Not everyone has Karmic debt, but those that do will have to work through this to grow in this physical life. (Yes, I believe there is something to reincarnation.) You can read about Karmic Debt in Numerology by clicking here. I have Karmic debt to overcome in this life and I suppose that is why I have struggled so with my finances, as I have a Karmic Debt number of 8, which deals with knowing how to handle money. Knowing this is helping me stay focused on my need to be responsible ALL of time on this matter so I can learn from this lesson to help be become the successful person that others see.
I have placed many expectations upon my self and others, which have limited what could have been. This is something that I’m learning to let go of, because when I put expectations upon something or someone then I limit them and me. I have learned that the thoughts I have about my self, others or events are expectations. I’m learning to be careful of what I think about my self, others and events so that I don’t limit any of them or my self. Releasing my expectations allows me to live in the moment and to enjoy each moment for what it is, not what I expected it to be.
Thought for now: What is your reality? What are the expectations that you have placed upon your life, upon others, and upon events? Perhaps if we can let go of the expectations then we can begin to find some freedom, joy, and happiness in our lives, the people around us, and the events we create.
“But how do we find out what is real?”
“Reality is simply what is; reality is the thing in front of your nose, pressing so close that there is no room to miss it. But you do miss it, because all you see is what you think should be there.”
“Nothing is doing anything, because there is only perfect peace and order.”
These quotes were taken from The Return of Merlin. I read these last night. Yesterday I wrote about the mental prisons and as I read this last night it reminded me of those prisons we create for ourselves. Those chains created by keeping false ideas derived from parents, churches, schools, friends, and family while we were growing up. As we were growing up many things happened and we were told many things. I have discovered that many of those things – thoughts or beliefs – are false to what really is and had held me captive for many years in despair, depression, and feelings of worthlessness, and so many other negative aspects. As I have begun the process to SEE WHAT IS, I have been able to find that perfect peace and order.
It hasn’t been an easy journey of discovery, however the pain I had to face was the thing that showed me where to focus to find healing. I believe it may take me a lifetime to uncover and release all of the negative aspects that I have long held to be falsely true about myself, but I know that I have the power to overcome them. We all have the power to overcome the negative aspects of our pasts. The power is our mind, our thoughts, and our free will to change them. Truth can be found in many forms, from many religions, and from the many events that we created for ourselves to help us grow.
I have been learning about Numerology and last night in my online course I learned about Karmic debt. I have been learning Numerology from Decoz.com. It’s a free course and has helped me understand the Pythagorean aspects of Numerology. Karmic debt is derived from what happened in previous lives. Not everyone has Karmic debt, but those that do will have to work through this to grow in this physical life. (Yes, I believe there is something to reincarnation.) You can read about Karmic Debt in Numerology by clicking here. I have Karmic debt to overcome in this life and I suppose that is why I have struggled so with my finances, as I have a Karmic Debt number of 8, which deals with knowing how to handle money. Knowing this is helping me stay focused on my need to be responsible ALL of time on this matter so I can learn from this lesson to help be become the successful person that others see.
I have placed many expectations upon my self and others, which have limited what could have been. This is something that I’m learning to let go of, because when I put expectations upon something or someone then I limit them and me. I have learned that the thoughts I have about my self, others or events are expectations. I’m learning to be careful of what I think about my self, others and events so that I don’t limit any of them or my self. Releasing my expectations allows me to live in the moment and to enjoy each moment for what it is, not what I expected it to be.
Thought for now: What is your reality? What are the expectations that you have placed upon your life, upon others, and upon events? Perhaps if we can let go of the expectations then we can begin to find some freedom, joy, and happiness in our lives, the people around us, and the events we create.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Mental Prisons
“wretchedly unhappy in their mental prisons and too stubborn to open the door and escape.” This quote was taken from The Return of Merlin by Deepak Chopra.
From all of the truths I have been learning and accepting this one resonates well. Our minds are powerful, yet we don’t use them to open the door to escape the prisons we have created for ourselves. I have a dear friend who has created his mental prison concerning emotions. We have been talking some (via emails) and I have been trying to get him to relax and understand that he has the answers he is seeking, the key to unlock his prison. After all he created his prison, and he has the power to open the door and escape it. I realize that this truth escapes some, but for those who understand it helps to remind us of the power we each possess, the power to change our pasts and our future. I have repeatedly stated the power of thoughts, words, and actions. Thoughts generate words, words generate actions, and actions generate intent. Through intent the universe brings things about. So the power is in your thoughts. What you think about yourself, other people, and events is what is your reality or perceived reality. Is there a reality or is it our own perceptions of what we want to be?
I am learning to change my thoughts about myself, people, and the events in my life so that I can free myself from my own mental prison and find the peace and joy I desire for myself. As I have escaped through changing my thoughts I have found healing of the mind, body and spirit. I’m not saying that I’m perfect as I’m only now beginning to understand these truths. I believe we will all be learning for a long time. The truth here is that we create the events around us and we create them to help us grow, learn and become the people we want to be. This ownership of the events that we create helps to understand our thoughts. Once we understand what was and why it was created then we can alter our perceptions (thoughts) of such things and begin the process to change our perceptions to free ourselves from our mental prisons.
“his nose pointed toward the future, throwing his old shabby identity behind” Another quote from The Return of Merlin.
Knowledge of the past helps us become more aware of who we are and what we are searching for in this life, what we are to learn, what karma we are here to correct from previous lives. It is being able to bravely point our noses toward the future and press forward, throwing our old identities behind, can we move forward in this life, grow, learn and realize our new identities. Change is the only thing we can count on in this life to be here. By changing our perceptions of the past we can face the future with greater ease, free from the chains that long held us captive to old outdated thoughts or behaviors. If we are changing but keep holding on to these outdated things then our bodies will present within itself the battle of our minds through physical ailments. I have another friend who is having trouble with hernias. Hernias represent this truth fully, that we are growing and changing, yet we are not letting go of the outdated thoughts and behaviors so we can really change. Our bodies only express what is going on in our minds, so the physical ailments presented by our bodies can help us to get to the root issue so we can begin to change our thoughts so our bodies find the balance and purpose of serving our minds again. The mind-body connection is very important to realize, as it helps us to understand the power of our minds. Our thoughts are either positive or negative. Positive thoughts help create healthy bodies and events around us, and negative thoughts create dis-ease in our bodies and chaos around us.
Thought for now: What mental prison have you created for yourself? What thoughts of yourself, the past, or people hold you captive?
From all of the truths I have been learning and accepting this one resonates well. Our minds are powerful, yet we don’t use them to open the door to escape the prisons we have created for ourselves. I have a dear friend who has created his mental prison concerning emotions. We have been talking some (via emails) and I have been trying to get him to relax and understand that he has the answers he is seeking, the key to unlock his prison. After all he created his prison, and he has the power to open the door and escape it. I realize that this truth escapes some, but for those who understand it helps to remind us of the power we each possess, the power to change our pasts and our future. I have repeatedly stated the power of thoughts, words, and actions. Thoughts generate words, words generate actions, and actions generate intent. Through intent the universe brings things about. So the power is in your thoughts. What you think about yourself, other people, and events is what is your reality or perceived reality. Is there a reality or is it our own perceptions of what we want to be?
I am learning to change my thoughts about myself, people, and the events in my life so that I can free myself from my own mental prison and find the peace and joy I desire for myself. As I have escaped through changing my thoughts I have found healing of the mind, body and spirit. I’m not saying that I’m perfect as I’m only now beginning to understand these truths. I believe we will all be learning for a long time. The truth here is that we create the events around us and we create them to help us grow, learn and become the people we want to be. This ownership of the events that we create helps to understand our thoughts. Once we understand what was and why it was created then we can alter our perceptions (thoughts) of such things and begin the process to change our perceptions to free ourselves from our mental prisons.
“his nose pointed toward the future, throwing his old shabby identity behind” Another quote from The Return of Merlin.
Knowledge of the past helps us become more aware of who we are and what we are searching for in this life, what we are to learn, what karma we are here to correct from previous lives. It is being able to bravely point our noses toward the future and press forward, throwing our old identities behind, can we move forward in this life, grow, learn and realize our new identities. Change is the only thing we can count on in this life to be here. By changing our perceptions of the past we can face the future with greater ease, free from the chains that long held us captive to old outdated thoughts or behaviors. If we are changing but keep holding on to these outdated things then our bodies will present within itself the battle of our minds through physical ailments. I have another friend who is having trouble with hernias. Hernias represent this truth fully, that we are growing and changing, yet we are not letting go of the outdated thoughts and behaviors so we can really change. Our bodies only express what is going on in our minds, so the physical ailments presented by our bodies can help us to get to the root issue so we can begin to change our thoughts so our bodies find the balance and purpose of serving our minds again. The mind-body connection is very important to realize, as it helps us to understand the power of our minds. Our thoughts are either positive or negative. Positive thoughts help create healthy bodies and events around us, and negative thoughts create dis-ease in our bodies and chaos around us.
Thought for now: What mental prison have you created for yourself? What thoughts of yourself, the past, or people hold you captive?
Friday, March 24, 2006
The Hawk
Today as I was working at Lonnie’s I had to return to the cabin to get something and as I drove through the meadow I saw a beautiful hawk fly right in front of me. It soared with us and around us until we went through the woods again. I was curious as to it’s meaning so I looked it up and here is what the Hawk represents: Power, Magic, and Messenger.
Hawk is the messenger, the protector and the visionaries of the Air. It holds the key to higher levels of consciousness. This totem awakens vision and inspires a creative life purpose. A Hawk totem is filled with responsibility because Hawk people seek the overall view. They are aware of omens and spirit messages. A Red-Tailed Hawk Totem is special. It has direct ties to the Kundalini, the seat of primal life force. It is associated with the base Chakra. If you have this Totem, you be aware of and work toward fulfilling your soul's purpose. It reflects a greater intensity of energy within your life: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual forces will all be strong within you. The Red-Tail Hawk is a permanent totem -- it will always be with you. It is associated with the number "14" with the Tarot card Temperance. This card represents the teaching of higher expressions of psychic ability and vision.
Hawk is the messenger, the protector and the visionaries of the Air. It holds the key to higher levels of consciousness. This totem awakens vision and inspires a creative life purpose. A Hawk totem is filled with responsibility because Hawk people seek the overall view. They are aware of omens and spirit messages. A Red-Tailed Hawk Totem is special. It has direct ties to the Kundalini, the seat of primal life force. It is associated with the base Chakra. If you have this Totem, you be aware of and work toward fulfilling your soul's purpose. It reflects a greater intensity of energy within your life: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual forces will all be strong within you. The Red-Tail Hawk is a permanent totem -- it will always be with you. It is associated with the number "14" with the Tarot card Temperance. This card represents the teaching of higher expressions of psychic ability and vision.
Metaphysics
Today is Friday and I awoke surprisingly at the 7 o’clock hour. Thus since Haniel is the archangel of Friday and Michael is the archangel of the 7 o’clock hour in the morning, I sense I have the glory and grace of God as represented by Haniel and ‘who is as God’ represented in Michael I am sensing today is something special indeed. (If you would like to read more about angels I would like to recommend “A Dictionary of Angels” by Gustav Davidson.)
Last night before rest I continued reading Permanent Healing by Dr. Daniel R. Condron. (I was given this book by my friend Lee in Springfield, MO) I started reading the section about Quantum Mechanics of Healing where he talks about the mind-body connection. I highly recommend having this book in your library and handy when physical ailments present themselves as it provides some insight into what thoughts are prevailing in our minds that are causing our bodies to generate such ailments.
I wanted to share a section about Metaphysics. The following taken from Permanent Healing.
Metaphysics maintains that all people have value and everything one person does affects the rest of the universe. Your relationship to the whole is important and as you aid others in learning and growing you add also to your own enlightenment.
Metaphysics maintains that learning through activity, progressing, reasoning, and building intuition and enlightenment is the process that creates any physical structure.
Metaphysics maintains that the individual affects his environment and every experiment he is involved in is affected by him. In fact, life is one large experiment and we the experimenters learn and grow by affecting the environment.
Metaphysics maintains that people give value to our lives. To become enlightened one needs others to interact with, to give to, to receive from, to teach, share, and learn from. Relationships are a way of understanding ourselves.
Metaphysics maintains that not only do thoughts affect reality but thoughts are reality! One’s duty is to teach others the universal truths one has discovered. It is only through passing on the learning, teaching and sharing, that we find enlightenment.
Through aiding others mankind progresses and we all benefit.
“May we all progress together.” (Quoted from Permanent Healing)
If you would like to know more about Metaphysics here are some websites:
The University of Metaphysics in Sedona, AZ.
Wikipedia – About Metaphysics
Infinite Being
“As you use this book, learn to have compassion for your Self. Recognize it requires effort to improve and to change old, outworn attitudes. To forgive others, or your Self, is to release them, or yourself, from the past. You cannot change the past but you can adjust your current response to it. Remember, in order for a disease to find a home, you must provide a place for it with your mind. Knowing this, you can eradicate any unproductive attitude and replace it with the changed, more expansive you.
The Boundaries of your mind are not limited to the borders of your body. It is important to know not only that you have created your present condition, but also to know HOW you have created that condition. For only by knowing how to change can we improve, adjust, and develop the new, more improved Self.
Fears and doubts are two of the greatest limitations. However, when you allow the Self-imposed, supposedly protective, walls to come down then your world expands causing remote opportunities and possibilities to become probabilities.” (Quoted from Permanent Healing)
Thought for now: If we created our dis-ease (physical ailment), if we have ownership of it, then what changes do we need to make with our thoughts to release it and learn from it?
I have been learning the importance of meditation, of just being still and quieting the mind. Through this I have learned to be able to focus my mind and attention. I’m finding healing of the mind, body and spirit. I’ll set my intentions to write more about meditating soon.
Last night before rest I continued reading Permanent Healing by Dr. Daniel R. Condron. (I was given this book by my friend Lee in Springfield, MO) I started reading the section about Quantum Mechanics of Healing where he talks about the mind-body connection. I highly recommend having this book in your library and handy when physical ailments present themselves as it provides some insight into what thoughts are prevailing in our minds that are causing our bodies to generate such ailments.
I wanted to share a section about Metaphysics. The following taken from Permanent Healing.
Metaphysics maintains that all people have value and everything one person does affects the rest of the universe. Your relationship to the whole is important and as you aid others in learning and growing you add also to your own enlightenment.
Metaphysics maintains that learning through activity, progressing, reasoning, and building intuition and enlightenment is the process that creates any physical structure.
Metaphysics maintains that the individual affects his environment and every experiment he is involved in is affected by him. In fact, life is one large experiment and we the experimenters learn and grow by affecting the environment.
Metaphysics maintains that people give value to our lives. To become enlightened one needs others to interact with, to give to, to receive from, to teach, share, and learn from. Relationships are a way of understanding ourselves.
Metaphysics maintains that not only do thoughts affect reality but thoughts are reality! One’s duty is to teach others the universal truths one has discovered. It is only through passing on the learning, teaching and sharing, that we find enlightenment.
Through aiding others mankind progresses and we all benefit.
“May we all progress together.” (Quoted from Permanent Healing)
If you would like to know more about Metaphysics here are some websites:
The University of Metaphysics in Sedona, AZ.
Wikipedia – About Metaphysics
Infinite Being
“As you use this book, learn to have compassion for your Self. Recognize it requires effort to improve and to change old, outworn attitudes. To forgive others, or your Self, is to release them, or yourself, from the past. You cannot change the past but you can adjust your current response to it. Remember, in order for a disease to find a home, you must provide a place for it with your mind. Knowing this, you can eradicate any unproductive attitude and replace it with the changed, more expansive you.
The Boundaries of your mind are not limited to the borders of your body. It is important to know not only that you have created your present condition, but also to know HOW you have created that condition. For only by knowing how to change can we improve, adjust, and develop the new, more improved Self.
Fears and doubts are two of the greatest limitations. However, when you allow the Self-imposed, supposedly protective, walls to come down then your world expands causing remote opportunities and possibilities to become probabilities.” (Quoted from Permanent Healing)
Thought for now: If we created our dis-ease (physical ailment), if we have ownership of it, then what changes do we need to make with our thoughts to release it and learn from it?
I have been learning the importance of meditation, of just being still and quieting the mind. Through this I have learned to be able to focus my mind and attention. I’m finding healing of the mind, body and spirit. I’ll set my intentions to write more about meditating soon.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Don't Resist. Trust
“Don’t resist. Trust.” That quote was taken from The Return of Merlin. It seems that many people resist life, knowledge, and so much more, including love and change. Change is the only thing that is for sure, constant, in our physical presence. I have been reminded of how much stress can be derived from resisting. Resisting our own knowledge, the truths we know about ourselves, recognizing those truths, and from not being able to trust in ourselves and our own power, the power of the universe, our own divinity, and the great Divinity (God or Goddess). I have a dear friend who is searching for answers and I believe he is searching too hard because he has the answers but I don’t believe he is ready to see them. I have learned that the answers we seek in our lives, about our lives, are hidden within us and only through being still and quiet (meditating, praying, and being in tune with the unconscious mind) can we see the answers we seek. My friend is precious to me and I have encouraged him to “chill out” and relax and not search so hard. He has the answers, as do each of us, within ourselves. Don’t resist. Trust. Such a good way to start your day don’t you think?
The “population wandered in numb sleep, barely emitting enough energy to remain alive.” This is another quote from The Return of Merlin, as are the other two below. Gnosis is knowing, of being aware, of waking from sleep. In my adventures I have noticed how many people are wandering in numb sleep unaware of the joy of life and knowing. I was once such a person wandering through life instead of enjoying the mystery of every moment. The universe provides a lot of energy, more than the population would ever require, but most don’t know how to tap into that energy so they try to steal energy from others. I suppose this is why there is so much conflict; everyone is stealing energy from each other and trying to stop their energy from being taken. When we learn to tap into the eternal energy of the universe we no longer have a desire to manipulate, control, or steal energy from others. Instead we are filled with energy, power, and most importantly love. As I have traveled, and over my life, I have seen the peace and love of others who have become aware, who have learned to obtain their energy from the universe. They are filled with peace and love, light and blessings. I hope one day that more people will come into gnosis; then the world will be a better place.
“Look, remember. Consider why you are here.” I have learned a lot from this aspect. The stories we have applied to events of our past are crucial to who we are and will be in the future. The people (parents, friends, teachers, et al) that were involved in those events have helped to shape us. Remembering these things helps us grow. I have looked back over time and seen with new eyes, loving eyes, the events of the past and have begun to release any negative energy associated with those events and people and replace it with positive energy. As I have done so I have found peace of mind, health of body, and a new and wonderful way of living. Considering why I am here has helped me to keep on track of my Life’s Path. Numerology has helped greatly because it has helped me understand more about what is happening and directing my life.
“Your pain is the key to your healing.” This statement combined with the others is very helpful. Pain, either physical or mental, is a sign that something isn’t correct and that we need to resolve the issue to relieve the pain. Dis-ease is a sign of pain from the body saying that there are mental issues that haven’t been resolved. I have been learning a great deal about this from various books, however, Permanent Healing is one book I highly recommend. It outlines the various diseases and troubles of the body and then helps you explore what the root issue is. As I have been reading, I have discovered it is correct. As the illnesses I have experienced are listed there and the root issues have been correct so far. It has helped me to find the balance, the ‘cure’, and the way to relieve my mental and physical dis-ease. Pain is about growth, so instead of ignoring it or finding ways to numb it through medications try to find the root issue at hand and begin to find your healing.
Thought for now: “Don’t resist. Trust.” “Look, remember. Consider why you are here.” “Your pain is the key to your healing.” What do these thoughts conjure in your mind?
The “population wandered in numb sleep, barely emitting enough energy to remain alive.” This is another quote from The Return of Merlin, as are the other two below. Gnosis is knowing, of being aware, of waking from sleep. In my adventures I have noticed how many people are wandering in numb sleep unaware of the joy of life and knowing. I was once such a person wandering through life instead of enjoying the mystery of every moment. The universe provides a lot of energy, more than the population would ever require, but most don’t know how to tap into that energy so they try to steal energy from others. I suppose this is why there is so much conflict; everyone is stealing energy from each other and trying to stop their energy from being taken. When we learn to tap into the eternal energy of the universe we no longer have a desire to manipulate, control, or steal energy from others. Instead we are filled with energy, power, and most importantly love. As I have traveled, and over my life, I have seen the peace and love of others who have become aware, who have learned to obtain their energy from the universe. They are filled with peace and love, light and blessings. I hope one day that more people will come into gnosis; then the world will be a better place.
“Look, remember. Consider why you are here.” I have learned a lot from this aspect. The stories we have applied to events of our past are crucial to who we are and will be in the future. The people (parents, friends, teachers, et al) that were involved in those events have helped to shape us. Remembering these things helps us grow. I have looked back over time and seen with new eyes, loving eyes, the events of the past and have begun to release any negative energy associated with those events and people and replace it with positive energy. As I have done so I have found peace of mind, health of body, and a new and wonderful way of living. Considering why I am here has helped me to keep on track of my Life’s Path. Numerology has helped greatly because it has helped me understand more about what is happening and directing my life.
“Your pain is the key to your healing.” This statement combined with the others is very helpful. Pain, either physical or mental, is a sign that something isn’t correct and that we need to resolve the issue to relieve the pain. Dis-ease is a sign of pain from the body saying that there are mental issues that haven’t been resolved. I have been learning a great deal about this from various books, however, Permanent Healing is one book I highly recommend. It outlines the various diseases and troubles of the body and then helps you explore what the root issue is. As I have been reading, I have discovered it is correct. As the illnesses I have experienced are listed there and the root issues have been correct so far. It has helped me to find the balance, the ‘cure’, and the way to relieve my mental and physical dis-ease. Pain is about growth, so instead of ignoring it or finding ways to numb it through medications try to find the root issue at hand and begin to find your healing.
Thought for now: “Don’t resist. Trust.” “Look, remember. Consider why you are here.” “Your pain is the key to your healing.” What do these thoughts conjure in your mind?
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Numbers
I feel as if I have traveled many miles while I slept. I sensed that my mind was active while my body rested. It’s been raining outside for two days now. I didn’t get to do everything in my Spring Equinox Celebration because of the rain, but I did do some of them, especially stopping to give thanks for all that has been before and all that will be. One way I celebrated was to honour the woman, the female form of humanity. (The females always tended the garden and during the Spring Equinox would dance naked around it and through it to celebrate fertility.) I did this by preparing my friend Kathleen dinner of Lemon Chicken (chickens provide eggs – the symbol of fertility) with Jerk-spiced Black Beans and savory corn, along with a salad of greens, tomatoes and olives. I had tried to prepare it so it was ready upon her return home from work, however, I couldn’t reach her as the evening passed on so I ended up leaving it warming in the oven and cooled in the fridge with a note. I followed up later with a phone call. She finally returned home to her surprise and called to say Thank You.
Kathleen and I worked all weekend at her home trimming trees, shrubs, grasses, and in general just cleaning up outside. I sense that she hasn’t been feeling very appreciated lately and that the things that make her happy haven’t been accomplished. We played word and number puzzles, enjoy conversations about the bible and her church activities, and began to help her realize a beautiful yard. She told me that Lonnie likes the vegetable garden, but she would rather have a beautiful yard. I have set my intentions to help build her some stone edging around her plants, to construct a small wall around the carport to divert the rain water around it, to help her with her flowers, and if time permits to help do something about the fence that is falling down. I have hopes of taking her some of the daylilies from the cabin and planting them beside her carport in a new planter.
I’ve already prepared Lonnie’s vegetable garden and it’s ready for planting. It even has some new areas like the new grape arbor, the many new tire planters with wire surrounds for tomatoes, and it’s been repaired. I find great enjoyment in helping others realize their dreams. Lonnie and Kathleen can have a beautiful home with a yard to enjoy and a garden that produces flowers and vegetables. I hope that the work I have done will help them both achieve their dreams.
Last night I asked Raziel to show me knowledge about protection spells, about seeing the hearts of people so that I could see and know what was going on with them (this is something that of late I have become more aware), and to allow me to connect with the energies at a certain home in Austin that a client is wanting help with. I also asked for a complete ability to read, write, speak and hear French and Spanish. I awoke this morning speaking French. I took French in school but hadn’t remembered much of it or my Spanish since the head injury back in 1994. I believe I will set my intentions towards learning these languages again. I have a feeling that I will need them within the years to come.
The mind is a powerful thing and shouldn’t be wasted. I am The Creative Mind and according to my life and my numerology (there are several great numerology websites and I have listed them below) I have great ability to create, inspire, and to lead. This is something I have known but not accepted about myself, but these days I am growing more into my role of helping others. I’m even looking into the possibility of attending the New Spirit Seminary in New York to obtain my ordination as a Celebrant. I’ve looked into several other seminaries of different backgrounds but this one doesn’t put limitations upon your own beliefs, but encourages you to seek out knowledge and truth. The one thing in my life that has been left undone is my college degree and this is something that I have hopes of completing. Thus I am beginning to look into various options of completing my Architecture Degree. I may change my major if there is a program that can use my current credits. Time will reveal what is to be so for now I will just enjoy being.
Thought for now: This is a time for new growth, for realizing your dreams. What things have you left unattended during the Winter that should be attended to now so that you can continue to grow? What fertile seeds can you plant to achieve your heart’s desires?
Numerology Web sites:
123 Numerology
Decoz Numerology
Façade Numerology (This website has many aspects that you might want to explore. The readings are free.)
If you would like a sample reading, please let me know as Numerology has become one of my passions and I now have a great software program so I can generate some reports for you.
Kathleen and I worked all weekend at her home trimming trees, shrubs, grasses, and in general just cleaning up outside. I sense that she hasn’t been feeling very appreciated lately and that the things that make her happy haven’t been accomplished. We played word and number puzzles, enjoy conversations about the bible and her church activities, and began to help her realize a beautiful yard. She told me that Lonnie likes the vegetable garden, but she would rather have a beautiful yard. I have set my intentions to help build her some stone edging around her plants, to construct a small wall around the carport to divert the rain water around it, to help her with her flowers, and if time permits to help do something about the fence that is falling down. I have hopes of taking her some of the daylilies from the cabin and planting them beside her carport in a new planter.
I’ve already prepared Lonnie’s vegetable garden and it’s ready for planting. It even has some new areas like the new grape arbor, the many new tire planters with wire surrounds for tomatoes, and it’s been repaired. I find great enjoyment in helping others realize their dreams. Lonnie and Kathleen can have a beautiful home with a yard to enjoy and a garden that produces flowers and vegetables. I hope that the work I have done will help them both achieve their dreams.
Last night I asked Raziel to show me knowledge about protection spells, about seeing the hearts of people so that I could see and know what was going on with them (this is something that of late I have become more aware), and to allow me to connect with the energies at a certain home in Austin that a client is wanting help with. I also asked for a complete ability to read, write, speak and hear French and Spanish. I awoke this morning speaking French. I took French in school but hadn’t remembered much of it or my Spanish since the head injury back in 1994. I believe I will set my intentions towards learning these languages again. I have a feeling that I will need them within the years to come.
The mind is a powerful thing and shouldn’t be wasted. I am The Creative Mind and according to my life and my numerology (there are several great numerology websites and I have listed them below) I have great ability to create, inspire, and to lead. This is something I have known but not accepted about myself, but these days I am growing more into my role of helping others. I’m even looking into the possibility of attending the New Spirit Seminary in New York to obtain my ordination as a Celebrant. I’ve looked into several other seminaries of different backgrounds but this one doesn’t put limitations upon your own beliefs, but encourages you to seek out knowledge and truth. The one thing in my life that has been left undone is my college degree and this is something that I have hopes of completing. Thus I am beginning to look into various options of completing my Architecture Degree. I may change my major if there is a program that can use my current credits. Time will reveal what is to be so for now I will just enjoy being.
Thought for now: This is a time for new growth, for realizing your dreams. What things have you left unattended during the Winter that should be attended to now so that you can continue to grow? What fertile seeds can you plant to achieve your heart’s desires?
Numerology Web sites:
123 Numerology
Decoz Numerology
Façade Numerology (This website has many aspects that you might want to explore. The readings are free.)
If you would like a sample reading, please let me know as Numerology has become one of my passions and I now have a great software program so I can generate some reports for you.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Spring Equinox Celebration
Spring (Vernal) Equinox
A time for balance and new growth.
Today is Monday, March 20, 2006. As I sit here in The Cabin in the Woods looking out I see freshly mowed fields of green edged with trimmed pine trees and natural forests. I see the pink flowers from the orchard trees as they sit in the living room and see the new growth of the grape vines that were saved because of their form. I was surprised that the grape vines are putting forth new growth because they were cut from the vine and are now sitting in a jar full of water. I liked the way the vines curved about and they just look pretty.
It rained most of the night and at this early hour of 6:50 am it’s still a bit overcast, almost gloomy, yet there is freshness to everything. The pink hyacinths are blooming out front as the yellow daffodils are fading. The pink cherry blossoms are beautiful amongst the sleeping forest backdrop. The white blossoms of the pear trees are refreshing. The songs of the birds, mostly red and some little chickadees fill the air. I placed a small tray on the front porch ledge and filled it with birdseed. I love watching the birds come so close that I could almost reach out and touch them. There is one red bird that visits every day and sits there singing and eating. His mate often comes but at a different time. For the smaller birds I have placed a hanging container with seeds.
As I awoke this morning I felt as if I have been traveling through perceived time and many worlds. I awoke with a feeling of excitement, something I hadn’t felt for a bit, thus my lack of writing. There is something about this day, this Spring Equinox that makes me want to celebrate life and living. The sleep of winter is over (well almost as it’s still a bit chilly) and the light of day is balanced by the darkness of night. New beginnings, new growth, and balance are what today is about. The squirrel is running around the tree out front while Mrs. Red bird and a chickadee eat seeds on the ledge. ‘Pretty, pretty, pretty’ is the song I hear from the forest birds. Granny taught me how to sing it back to them to let them know they are pretty, pretty, pretty.
The ground has been moistened by the rain and I believe it’s a good way to start this day, so the first thing I drank was some water to nourish the new growth of my self. Stephen did a reading for me the other evening from two decks – the angel deck and his regular deck. They were both good readings and part of the reason now at night before sleep I ask Raziel (the angel of mysteries and god’s secrets) to come visit me while I sleep to take me places and show me the mysteries. Last night I requested information about learning the language of the angels and The Book of the Angel Raziel wherein all celestial and earthly knowledge is set down. This book was said to be given to Adam, to Enoch (he took it as his own and called it the Book of Enoch), to Noah (who built the ark from it’s knowledge), and then to Solomon. I specifically asked to be shown about the knowledge of magik that Solomon learned from the book. I learned about Raziel from the book A Dictionary of Angels by Gustav Davidson and from Stephen who has Raziel as his guardian angel.
As I have read Permanent Healing and The Return of Merlin I have been reminded of the power of the mind, of the days when magik ruled the land, and men honoured the earth. Today I will celebrate the Spring Equinox with wonderful Roadie (who’s asleep with eyes cracked open on the sofa) by building a small fire, by building a small earthen mound and placing some rocks to represent feet and one to represent the head of a turtle. His feet shall stay, but his head shall move with the seasons. Today his head will face East - welcoming Wabun, the Spring, the East, the Eagle and the Powers of Clarity, Wisdom, and Illumination. This event begins the Budding Trees Moon and the time of Wabun of the East. I picked this way of celebrating this day from the Bear Tribe website. I will also be blessing the gardens and dancing around them to celebrate fertility and new growth. I hope one day that there will be others here to help with the celebration, but for now it will be Roadie, I, and the creatures of the forest, air, and water, along with The People of the Woods and other celestial beings, ops, I almost forgot the faeries and the little man who lives in the tree. What a wonderful celebration we will have today.
Thought for now: Today is about balance and new beginnings, illumination, clarity, and wisdom. How are you celebrating this special day?
A time for balance and new growth.
Today is Monday, March 20, 2006. As I sit here in The Cabin in the Woods looking out I see freshly mowed fields of green edged with trimmed pine trees and natural forests. I see the pink flowers from the orchard trees as they sit in the living room and see the new growth of the grape vines that were saved because of their form. I was surprised that the grape vines are putting forth new growth because they were cut from the vine and are now sitting in a jar full of water. I liked the way the vines curved about and they just look pretty.
It rained most of the night and at this early hour of 6:50 am it’s still a bit overcast, almost gloomy, yet there is freshness to everything. The pink hyacinths are blooming out front as the yellow daffodils are fading. The pink cherry blossoms are beautiful amongst the sleeping forest backdrop. The white blossoms of the pear trees are refreshing. The songs of the birds, mostly red and some little chickadees fill the air. I placed a small tray on the front porch ledge and filled it with birdseed. I love watching the birds come so close that I could almost reach out and touch them. There is one red bird that visits every day and sits there singing and eating. His mate often comes but at a different time. For the smaller birds I have placed a hanging container with seeds.
As I awoke this morning I felt as if I have been traveling through perceived time and many worlds. I awoke with a feeling of excitement, something I hadn’t felt for a bit, thus my lack of writing. There is something about this day, this Spring Equinox that makes me want to celebrate life and living. The sleep of winter is over (well almost as it’s still a bit chilly) and the light of day is balanced by the darkness of night. New beginnings, new growth, and balance are what today is about. The squirrel is running around the tree out front while Mrs. Red bird and a chickadee eat seeds on the ledge. ‘Pretty, pretty, pretty’ is the song I hear from the forest birds. Granny taught me how to sing it back to them to let them know they are pretty, pretty, pretty.
The ground has been moistened by the rain and I believe it’s a good way to start this day, so the first thing I drank was some water to nourish the new growth of my self. Stephen did a reading for me the other evening from two decks – the angel deck and his regular deck. They were both good readings and part of the reason now at night before sleep I ask Raziel (the angel of mysteries and god’s secrets) to come visit me while I sleep to take me places and show me the mysteries. Last night I requested information about learning the language of the angels and The Book of the Angel Raziel wherein all celestial and earthly knowledge is set down. This book was said to be given to Adam, to Enoch (he took it as his own and called it the Book of Enoch), to Noah (who built the ark from it’s knowledge), and then to Solomon. I specifically asked to be shown about the knowledge of magik that Solomon learned from the book. I learned about Raziel from the book A Dictionary of Angels by Gustav Davidson and from Stephen who has Raziel as his guardian angel.
As I have read Permanent Healing and The Return of Merlin I have been reminded of the power of the mind, of the days when magik ruled the land, and men honoured the earth. Today I will celebrate the Spring Equinox with wonderful Roadie (who’s asleep with eyes cracked open on the sofa) by building a small fire, by building a small earthen mound and placing some rocks to represent feet and one to represent the head of a turtle. His feet shall stay, but his head shall move with the seasons. Today his head will face East - welcoming Wabun, the Spring, the East, the Eagle and the Powers of Clarity, Wisdom, and Illumination. This event begins the Budding Trees Moon and the time of Wabun of the East. I picked this way of celebrating this day from the Bear Tribe website. I will also be blessing the gardens and dancing around them to celebrate fertility and new growth. I hope one day that there will be others here to help with the celebration, but for now it will be Roadie, I, and the creatures of the forest, air, and water, along with The People of the Woods and other celestial beings, ops, I almost forgot the faeries and the little man who lives in the tree. What a wonderful celebration we will have today.
Thought for now: Today is about balance and new beginnings, illumination, clarity, and wisdom. How are you celebrating this special day?
OM for Peace
My dearest friend Finnabair sent me an email with a link to this website. I enjoyed the idea and will seek to implement it while I'm in Austin. I've posted part of the message here with a link to the whole webpage.
OM for Peace It's a simple idea: gather people together and sing a continuous OM as a meditation for peace. On Easter Sunday April 16th at 6:00 PM, people, all over the world, who want to give expression to their wish for peace will gather in groups to join in the sound of many voices singing as one in an extended OM.
OM for Peace It's a simple idea: gather people together and sing a continuous OM as a meditation for peace. On Easter Sunday April 16th at 6:00 PM, people, all over the world, who want to give expression to their wish for peace will gather in groups to join in the sound of many voices singing as one in an extended OM.
Friday, March 17, 2006
Beginnings and Endings
It’s also St. Patrick’s Day, so I suppose it’s a day to wear green.
“Haven’t you learned anything? The crow snorted. “There is no beginning. And some beginnings are endings anyway.”
I have started reading “The Return of Merlin” by Deepak Chopra and the above quote was taken from the book. I have always loved the stories of Camelot, King Arthur, Merlin, and the Lady of the Lake. The stories of magic at a time when literalist Christianity was beginning to take over and called magic evil. How silly it is to look back on those times now knowing that those Christians just wanted to gain power. Is that the purpose of spirituality – to gain power? Power of self, yes. Power over others, no. Shouldn’t our own spirituality help guide others into knowing?
I believe what the crow snorted is true; that there are no beginnings as we, as energy, have always been. Yet, some believe that our physical birth was a beginning and our physical death will be an ending, but will our death not be a beginning? Just to think upon the above quote and it’s many meanings can take a mind into hours of curious philosophy.
I have also started to read “Permanent Healing” by Daniel R. Condron. It’s a book about the power of thoughts and quantum mechanics of healing. My friend Lee sent it to me as a gift. Lee came last weekend to visit me here at the Cabin and it was refreshing to have some company. I had been walking all over and wasn’t aware of the dangers of ticks until I took Lee walking. As we were returning to the cabin we discovered ticks crawling all over us. I suppose I’ll have to prepare myself for future walks during the warm seasons. I remembered something my grandmother always made us do, so I took a bath in Lysol. Roadie even has a new flea and tick collar.
Life just is and I suppose that is what I’m learning. I’m to just enjoy the moment. The power of my thoughts kept me a bit down of late and as I began to meditate and change my thoughts I began to feel brighter again, excited about living. Also seeing some things completed here at the cabin has helped as I slowly see progress with the beauty being brought about. The new stone planter beside the stairs is filled with Irises and Chrysanthemums. The new stone-edged planter around the front of the cabin is filled with Hyacinths, Daffodils, Day Lillies, and Irises. I hope one day to see the new front garden design completed, if not by me, then by the others who come after me. I’ve set the stage so others can see how beautiful it can become here. I’ve been laying out rocks to line the new circular driveway and some paths to and fro. There’s even an area laid out for a solar powered waterfall, stream and Koi pond in front of the cabin. The area in front of this will be grass edged with small flowers and the area behind will be full of various kinds of plants and flowers. This will be a miniature landscape to remind others of the whole earth.
Galen Rose, the gentleman who used to own this property, must have had a vision of something special here as every where I turn and the things I’m doing seem to work with what he had done previously. The new walkway to the front door also leads directly out to two Leland Cypress trees that aren’t planted in line with the others. He must have known that the small building up from the cabin was special because the various lines of trees he planted all lead straight to it. It’s the building I see one day becoming a Meditation Chapel, a place of prayer, thought, and developing ones spirituality. The building needs some loving attention. I see it being raised up with a new stone base and stone stairs, stained glass in the three low openings (as I have thought about the low openings it occurred to me that if one was kneeling or sitting then those openings would be at eye level, so they are perfect.), a simple wood door with a small sign to honour Galen Rose’s vision, the exterior remaining simple wood, the roof being cedar shakes, and the interior being white-washed. I only see two small benches and some larger pillows for sitting or kneeling.
As the old garage has been cleaned out, organized and the area around cleaned up it is showing its beauty and future purpose. It would make a great pottery studio with a wood-fired kiln. It would need to have a concrete floor installed, some better siding and new windows, not to mention a new metal roof.
I’ve been putting bird food out and greatly enjoy seeing the various birds on the front porch and out the kitchen window. A particular red bird came and hung out with Roadie and I while we built the stone planter out front.
My friend Lee, who came to visit, called to ask if it was OK to give the cabin phone number to some of the people at his Unitarian Church, as they seemed excited and very interested in knowing more about The Cabin in the Woods. I said yes, but reminded him to tell them that it was up to Finnabair as to who could come to visit and when. Well, today the intentions are to head over to Lonnie and Kathleen’s to do some laundry and build Lonnie a workstation for screening the dirt he uses in the garden.
Thought for now: What do you believe about beginnings and endings?
“Haven’t you learned anything? The crow snorted. “There is no beginning. And some beginnings are endings anyway.”
I have started reading “The Return of Merlin” by Deepak Chopra and the above quote was taken from the book. I have always loved the stories of Camelot, King Arthur, Merlin, and the Lady of the Lake. The stories of magic at a time when literalist Christianity was beginning to take over and called magic evil. How silly it is to look back on those times now knowing that those Christians just wanted to gain power. Is that the purpose of spirituality – to gain power? Power of self, yes. Power over others, no. Shouldn’t our own spirituality help guide others into knowing?
I believe what the crow snorted is true; that there are no beginnings as we, as energy, have always been. Yet, some believe that our physical birth was a beginning and our physical death will be an ending, but will our death not be a beginning? Just to think upon the above quote and it’s many meanings can take a mind into hours of curious philosophy.
I have also started to read “Permanent Healing” by Daniel R. Condron. It’s a book about the power of thoughts and quantum mechanics of healing. My friend Lee sent it to me as a gift. Lee came last weekend to visit me here at the Cabin and it was refreshing to have some company. I had been walking all over and wasn’t aware of the dangers of ticks until I took Lee walking. As we were returning to the cabin we discovered ticks crawling all over us. I suppose I’ll have to prepare myself for future walks during the warm seasons. I remembered something my grandmother always made us do, so I took a bath in Lysol. Roadie even has a new flea and tick collar.
Life just is and I suppose that is what I’m learning. I’m to just enjoy the moment. The power of my thoughts kept me a bit down of late and as I began to meditate and change my thoughts I began to feel brighter again, excited about living. Also seeing some things completed here at the cabin has helped as I slowly see progress with the beauty being brought about. The new stone planter beside the stairs is filled with Irises and Chrysanthemums. The new stone-edged planter around the front of the cabin is filled with Hyacinths, Daffodils, Day Lillies, and Irises. I hope one day to see the new front garden design completed, if not by me, then by the others who come after me. I’ve set the stage so others can see how beautiful it can become here. I’ve been laying out rocks to line the new circular driveway and some paths to and fro. There’s even an area laid out for a solar powered waterfall, stream and Koi pond in front of the cabin. The area in front of this will be grass edged with small flowers and the area behind will be full of various kinds of plants and flowers. This will be a miniature landscape to remind others of the whole earth.
Galen Rose, the gentleman who used to own this property, must have had a vision of something special here as every where I turn and the things I’m doing seem to work with what he had done previously. The new walkway to the front door also leads directly out to two Leland Cypress trees that aren’t planted in line with the others. He must have known that the small building up from the cabin was special because the various lines of trees he planted all lead straight to it. It’s the building I see one day becoming a Meditation Chapel, a place of prayer, thought, and developing ones spirituality. The building needs some loving attention. I see it being raised up with a new stone base and stone stairs, stained glass in the three low openings (as I have thought about the low openings it occurred to me that if one was kneeling or sitting then those openings would be at eye level, so they are perfect.), a simple wood door with a small sign to honour Galen Rose’s vision, the exterior remaining simple wood, the roof being cedar shakes, and the interior being white-washed. I only see two small benches and some larger pillows for sitting or kneeling.
As the old garage has been cleaned out, organized and the area around cleaned up it is showing its beauty and future purpose. It would make a great pottery studio with a wood-fired kiln. It would need to have a concrete floor installed, some better siding and new windows, not to mention a new metal roof.
I’ve been putting bird food out and greatly enjoy seeing the various birds on the front porch and out the kitchen window. A particular red bird came and hung out with Roadie and I while we built the stone planter out front.
My friend Lee, who came to visit, called to ask if it was OK to give the cabin phone number to some of the people at his Unitarian Church, as they seemed excited and very interested in knowing more about The Cabin in the Woods. I said yes, but reminded him to tell them that it was up to Finnabair as to who could come to visit and when. Well, today the intentions are to head over to Lonnie and Kathleen’s to do some laundry and build Lonnie a workstation for screening the dirt he uses in the garden.
Thought for now: What do you believe about beginnings and endings?
Monday, March 06, 2006
Mr. Roadie, cross-legged sleeping on the big chair in the cabin. You can see how big he is getting here in this photo.
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What a beautiful sunset this was as I was driving. The reflections upon the Explorer's hood are amazing.
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I don't recall the name of this river, but it was beautiful and the old concrete bridge was really cool. Taken from the Explorer as I drove North on MO Hwy 63
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Vera B. Lee, In Memoriam
This weekend I was greatly reminded of my grandmother by visiting my friend Larry in Booneville, Missouri. Larry reminds me of my loving, gentle, generous grandmother in many ways. My grandmother was my support and encouragement from an early age. She was reared with 10 brothers and sisters in and around Grand Prairie, Texas. She was small in stature, but strong in spirit. She and her family picked cotton and didn’t have an easy life. I often wonder what happened in that family back then, for there was always a secret that none of them spoke of, yet, was always on their minds. Over the years most passed this earthly plane from cancer, a few took their own lives, and my grandmother passed quietly while I was with her at home. She went to be with her Lord, as she said, in 2003 not long after her 90th birthday.
Flowers and beauty filled her thoughts and life. A love of nature and people helped her to find enjoyment. I remember back to the farm I loved so dearly. Every year granny would plant these large hanging baskets with flowers and hang them from the trees in the yard. By summer’s end the flowers would have grown to the ground, filling the yard with color. She always grew vegetables and loved being in her gardens. Another love was her roses. She loved yellow roses. The driveway to the small house at the farm was lined with them. During the winters she loved to be out in the woods and pastures burning and clearing the debris from the previous year’s woodcutting.
I always enjoyed being with her working in the garden or burning stumps. I learned my love of gardening from her and my ability to build a great fire. Yes, you might say I’m a pyromaniac. (I laugh quietly as I hear her words of how to build a good fire.)
She always had to be busy and worked long after retirement. She drove a school bus for many years, and she owned and operated a variety store where she created beautiful floral arrangements. She played piano for the churches, including those where my grandfather preached. She enjoyed music. I remember running around the store as a child and helping her create flower arrangements. It was a simple store but as a child it seemed to be a magical place with all of the things therein. She worked hard all of her life, I suppose because that’s all she knew from an early age. I believe she never went past the 9th grade, and she didn’t get to start the first year because she was so small they wouldn’t let her walk to school, but they sure did let her pick cotton. She often told me of her adventures and skills at cotton picking, and I can just see her out in the fields pulling that long cotton sack behind her.
She married my grandfather because she said he liked her cooking, so did I. They lived in separate rooms for as long as I can remember and shared their lives in an uncommon way – living together, but apart. She was devoted to being his wife, preparing his meals, cleaning the house, and taking care of him; as she believed a wife should. I have heard that my grandfather had many affairs, and I’m not surprised. I once asked my granny about this and she said, “Sex wasn’t good, once a year was good enough for her”. Her and I often laughed about everything. She was always supportive of my many ideas and adventures. I learned to stick with things from her constant encouragement to finish the project. “Just do a little at a time and keep going till it’s done,” she would say.
At a time when many didn’t support my ‘coming out’, she did. She would often prepare an extra cup of coffee for my guests. Not that I had many guests when we lived together as they would have to be something of import for me to bring them there to meet her. I learned a love of ‘Jesus’ from her, but now realize it as understanding the divinity of self and others. Everyone loved my granny. She taught us how to water-ski, along with all of our friends. She was the one who drove us to all of the rodeos on the weekends, took us water skiing, and in general encouraged us to do what we enjoyed. I can still see one time at the Lake of Plain Dealing (originally built to keep the small town from flooding) when all of us were skiing. The shore was full of people. I could see them laugh when we asked if she was ready to ski. I always laughed because I could tell they didn’t think this small older lady could ski. When she was ready she said, ‘lets go’ and put her ski jacket on, along with her gloves, and grabbed her large water ski. She would whisper go a short bit around and come back long by the shore. I knew she was going to show off. The boat engine hummed and up she came out of the blue, cool water. We drove a short bit around then back to shore. She put the rope between her legs, raised her arms, and danced a jig as she glided past the people on the shore, waving as she passed. What a show off. We all laughed.
I can recall many adventures with my grandmother, but I wanted to share these for now because she was strong on my mind. She was and still is an important part of my life. I can still hear her talking to me about how to build a fire, how to care for the irises growing here at the cabin, and to get myself in church. I think she knew the importance of being with people and a love of God.
Since her departure from this physical plane I have often thought about developing a special rose garden – The Vera B. Lee Memorial Rose Garden. I see it lined with a picket fence, sculptures of children gracing the beauty of the roses (she loved children and said they kept her young), it being lined with yellow roses, and other roses of various colors filling the middle. I see some Wandering Jew plants growing from hanging baskets. I see some benches for sitting to enjoy the beauty of the space. I hope one day I can create this garden as I know she and others would enjoy it.
Thought for now: Who was your encouragement? Who supported you when others said you couldn’t?
Flowers and beauty filled her thoughts and life. A love of nature and people helped her to find enjoyment. I remember back to the farm I loved so dearly. Every year granny would plant these large hanging baskets with flowers and hang them from the trees in the yard. By summer’s end the flowers would have grown to the ground, filling the yard with color. She always grew vegetables and loved being in her gardens. Another love was her roses. She loved yellow roses. The driveway to the small house at the farm was lined with them. During the winters she loved to be out in the woods and pastures burning and clearing the debris from the previous year’s woodcutting.
I always enjoyed being with her working in the garden or burning stumps. I learned my love of gardening from her and my ability to build a great fire. Yes, you might say I’m a pyromaniac. (I laugh quietly as I hear her words of how to build a good fire.)
She always had to be busy and worked long after retirement. She drove a school bus for many years, and she owned and operated a variety store where she created beautiful floral arrangements. She played piano for the churches, including those where my grandfather preached. She enjoyed music. I remember running around the store as a child and helping her create flower arrangements. It was a simple store but as a child it seemed to be a magical place with all of the things therein. She worked hard all of her life, I suppose because that’s all she knew from an early age. I believe she never went past the 9th grade, and she didn’t get to start the first year because she was so small they wouldn’t let her walk to school, but they sure did let her pick cotton. She often told me of her adventures and skills at cotton picking, and I can just see her out in the fields pulling that long cotton sack behind her.
She married my grandfather because she said he liked her cooking, so did I. They lived in separate rooms for as long as I can remember and shared their lives in an uncommon way – living together, but apart. She was devoted to being his wife, preparing his meals, cleaning the house, and taking care of him; as she believed a wife should. I have heard that my grandfather had many affairs, and I’m not surprised. I once asked my granny about this and she said, “Sex wasn’t good, once a year was good enough for her”. Her and I often laughed about everything. She was always supportive of my many ideas and adventures. I learned to stick with things from her constant encouragement to finish the project. “Just do a little at a time and keep going till it’s done,” she would say.
At a time when many didn’t support my ‘coming out’, she did. She would often prepare an extra cup of coffee for my guests. Not that I had many guests when we lived together as they would have to be something of import for me to bring them there to meet her. I learned a love of ‘Jesus’ from her, but now realize it as understanding the divinity of self and others. Everyone loved my granny. She taught us how to water-ski, along with all of our friends. She was the one who drove us to all of the rodeos on the weekends, took us water skiing, and in general encouraged us to do what we enjoyed. I can still see one time at the Lake of Plain Dealing (originally built to keep the small town from flooding) when all of us were skiing. The shore was full of people. I could see them laugh when we asked if she was ready to ski. I always laughed because I could tell they didn’t think this small older lady could ski. When she was ready she said, ‘lets go’ and put her ski jacket on, along with her gloves, and grabbed her large water ski. She would whisper go a short bit around and come back long by the shore. I knew she was going to show off. The boat engine hummed and up she came out of the blue, cool water. We drove a short bit around then back to shore. She put the rope between her legs, raised her arms, and danced a jig as she glided past the people on the shore, waving as she passed. What a show off. We all laughed.
I can recall many adventures with my grandmother, but I wanted to share these for now because she was strong on my mind. She was and still is an important part of my life. I can still hear her talking to me about how to build a fire, how to care for the irises growing here at the cabin, and to get myself in church. I think she knew the importance of being with people and a love of God.
Since her departure from this physical plane I have often thought about developing a special rose garden – The Vera B. Lee Memorial Rose Garden. I see it lined with a picket fence, sculptures of children gracing the beauty of the roses (she loved children and said they kept her young), it being lined with yellow roses, and other roses of various colors filling the middle. I see some Wandering Jew plants growing from hanging baskets. I see some benches for sitting to enjoy the beauty of the space. I hope one day I can create this garden as I know she and others would enjoy it.
Thought for now: Who was your encouragement? Who supported you when others said you couldn’t?
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Friends
“Don’t be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends.” A quote copied from the book Illusions.
‘Good-bye’ has been part of my whole life. As I grew up I never allowed myself to get too close to anyone or anything because I knew we wouldn’t stay around long enough to allow anyone or anything that deep inside. I found out early on that it hurt to always be leaving. I moved every two years growing up because of my father’s job with International Harvester, now Navistar. I was born in Shreveport, Louisiana at Schumpert Medical Center. I lived with my parents in several little towns around there, including the house my grandfather built my mother next door to their home in Benton. We moved, I’m guessing around age 5, to Orlando, Florida. Two years later a move to Jacksonville, Florida; another two and a move to Greensboro, North Carolina; another two and we thought we were going to South America, but while staying at a hotel in Miami, Florida, my father was told to stay there. So in Miami we stayed. I remember living on that second floor hotel room for months. It was fun, we didn’t have to clean, we had a pool, and there were many places my brother and I could play. I’m sure it was wearing upon my mother because one day she came back and announced she found a place to live – a doublewide mobile home. None of us were excited about this, but soon we greatly enjoyed the community as we lived on a lake, could go fishing, take a boat up to the clubhouse to swim and have fun. There was even an ice cream parlor.
My father had always treated me differently than my older brother or younger sister. I never knew why, so I grew up thinking he didn’t like me. I knew I was different than everyone else in the family as I thought for myself, played a lot, and was very creative and asked a lot of questions. Maybe he just didn’t know what to do with such a special child. I know he did the best he could as he learned to overcome his own rearing. While in Miami I received my worst beating of all. I was doing what I was told, ‘clean the living room’, so I didn’t understand why I was beat. I was taking a cane pole from the living room to my bedroom; my father came up and began yelling at me about playing and not working. This was how my mother taught us to enjoy doing work, have fun with it. Yes, I was dancing down the hall and twirling the cane pole, but I was cleaning. Well, I can tell you that cane poles hurt when they are used to beat upon the flesh of a tender child. It was days later when my brother saw the whelps and bruises as I was getting into the shower. He grabbed me, spun me around and said, ‘did he do this to you?’ I said yes. He pulled me into my mother’s room and spun me around again and said, ‘look what he did to him.’ (My brother was always acting like the daddy and trying to protect us and for me always trying to toughen me up – which I didn’t follow very well.)
Two weeks later while my brother and I were preparing for school my mother entered and announced that she and our father were getting a divorce and asked who we wanted to go live with. Like she had to ask. We went with her. My brother and I were excited to be returning to Louisiana as there we had horses, motorcycles and much more. We loved spending our summers at my grandparent’s farm. Little did I realize then how much it would hurt my mother and what things she would call into her life. I’m sure that she called these things into her life as a self-punishment because she had done something that society and the church said was a no-no – divorced. Today I wish that my mother could realize what she believed back then was incorrect, a lie. She did what was best for her and her children – get away from a child beater, a cheater, and in general a man none of us liked. Mom, if you are reading this, know that I love you. I always have and always will, for it was you who taught me about being myself. Most of the positive traits of my personality came from you. You’re an incredible, caring, loving, supportive, encouraging, gentle, kind, affectionate, inspired, intellectual, spiritual and BEAUTIFUL woman. Thank you for everything you have done to help us find our own Life’s Paths.
We moved back to Louisiana at age 13. I graduated a year ahead of schedule at grade 11. Yeah, I was one of the smart kids. I was supposed to start college the next year, but had to have knee surgery. So my mother gave me some credit cards and said hit the road. So I did. At 17 it was an adventure to travel alone around the United States. I suppose that’s why I enjoy traveling now, recapturing the feelings of happiness from a time long past. I started college the next year. I joined the Air Force at age 21.
In the Air Force I traveled a lot. San Antonio, Texas; Denver, Colorado; Anchorage, Alaska; Cheyenne, Wyoming; Spokane, Washington, Georgia; and a lot of other small trips as I was in high demand for my talents. Just before I was going to end my 4-year tour of duty I was selected from an International competition to do all of the set designs for Mr. Bob Hope’s television special with the Air Force in the year 1987. Talk about WOW!
I met some incredible people, some very talented, some not so nice, and others who loved being around people. Lucille Ball, Bob & Deloris Hope, Emanuel Lewis, Brooke Shields, Barbara Mandrel, Phyllis Diller, and so many others. I was surprised one long, windy day while we were filming by Barbara Mandrel. The wind had been blowing all day and all of us had to help steady the background flats. We had been holding those things up all day and it was getting tiresome. Barbara came back around the sets and started to joke and talk with all of us. She recognized me and walked over to compliment me on the sets. As we talked a big wind gush came along. I groaned as I tried to keep the flats from flying away with it. She put her hands upon my shoulders and gave me a back massage. I’ll remember that day for a long time.
Did you know that all of the staff that worked with Mr. Hope had been with him since he started performing? They were all older gentlemen full of knowledge, kindness and were eager to teach us youngsters. One of them even showed me where to go stand so that every one of the stars would have to talk to me, I did, and they did. I’m laughing loudly as I type this remembering these things.
Even after the Air Force, I had that itch to move every few years, so I did. California, Arizona, Texas, DC, NYC, Louisiana, Texas, Florida, and who knows were all I visited. So you can imagine the number of good-byes I’ve shared over my lifetime. Only recently have some of the many people I’ve met have started to show up again in my life. Ellen, the woman I almost married and often wonder how my life would have been if I had, had been on my mind for a long time. So one day I searched her out. I was glad to talk with her again after all of these years. She finally admitted that it was her that had called to me as she had been curious as to how I was doing and had no way of contacting me. With all the moves, the name change, and not having phones listed under my own name can prevent some from finding me. She’s married now to an older man and has two boys. I felt sorry for her as I sensed that this wasn’t the life she had dreamed she would have. I send her blessings that her husband will find a great job and she may find the things that bring her joy.
Good-bye isn’t so bad. If they are friends, then I know we will meet again either in this life dream or at another point either in time or outside of what we perceive as time. So for now, Good-bye friends. I'll be taking a short break because the laptop is down and I'll be traveling.
Thought for now: Where do you call home? What sketches of your life's dream do you recall? How do you look at those sketches now?
‘Good-bye’ has been part of my whole life. As I grew up I never allowed myself to get too close to anyone or anything because I knew we wouldn’t stay around long enough to allow anyone or anything that deep inside. I found out early on that it hurt to always be leaving. I moved every two years growing up because of my father’s job with International Harvester, now Navistar. I was born in Shreveport, Louisiana at Schumpert Medical Center. I lived with my parents in several little towns around there, including the house my grandfather built my mother next door to their home in Benton. We moved, I’m guessing around age 5, to Orlando, Florida. Two years later a move to Jacksonville, Florida; another two and a move to Greensboro, North Carolina; another two and we thought we were going to South America, but while staying at a hotel in Miami, Florida, my father was told to stay there. So in Miami we stayed. I remember living on that second floor hotel room for months. It was fun, we didn’t have to clean, we had a pool, and there were many places my brother and I could play. I’m sure it was wearing upon my mother because one day she came back and announced she found a place to live – a doublewide mobile home. None of us were excited about this, but soon we greatly enjoyed the community as we lived on a lake, could go fishing, take a boat up to the clubhouse to swim and have fun. There was even an ice cream parlor.
My father had always treated me differently than my older brother or younger sister. I never knew why, so I grew up thinking he didn’t like me. I knew I was different than everyone else in the family as I thought for myself, played a lot, and was very creative and asked a lot of questions. Maybe he just didn’t know what to do with such a special child. I know he did the best he could as he learned to overcome his own rearing. While in Miami I received my worst beating of all. I was doing what I was told, ‘clean the living room’, so I didn’t understand why I was beat. I was taking a cane pole from the living room to my bedroom; my father came up and began yelling at me about playing and not working. This was how my mother taught us to enjoy doing work, have fun with it. Yes, I was dancing down the hall and twirling the cane pole, but I was cleaning. Well, I can tell you that cane poles hurt when they are used to beat upon the flesh of a tender child. It was days later when my brother saw the whelps and bruises as I was getting into the shower. He grabbed me, spun me around and said, ‘did he do this to you?’ I said yes. He pulled me into my mother’s room and spun me around again and said, ‘look what he did to him.’ (My brother was always acting like the daddy and trying to protect us and for me always trying to toughen me up – which I didn’t follow very well.)
Two weeks later while my brother and I were preparing for school my mother entered and announced that she and our father were getting a divorce and asked who we wanted to go live with. Like she had to ask. We went with her. My brother and I were excited to be returning to Louisiana as there we had horses, motorcycles and much more. We loved spending our summers at my grandparent’s farm. Little did I realize then how much it would hurt my mother and what things she would call into her life. I’m sure that she called these things into her life as a self-punishment because she had done something that society and the church said was a no-no – divorced. Today I wish that my mother could realize what she believed back then was incorrect, a lie. She did what was best for her and her children – get away from a child beater, a cheater, and in general a man none of us liked. Mom, if you are reading this, know that I love you. I always have and always will, for it was you who taught me about being myself. Most of the positive traits of my personality came from you. You’re an incredible, caring, loving, supportive, encouraging, gentle, kind, affectionate, inspired, intellectual, spiritual and BEAUTIFUL woman. Thank you for everything you have done to help us find our own Life’s Paths.
We moved back to Louisiana at age 13. I graduated a year ahead of schedule at grade 11. Yeah, I was one of the smart kids. I was supposed to start college the next year, but had to have knee surgery. So my mother gave me some credit cards and said hit the road. So I did. At 17 it was an adventure to travel alone around the United States. I suppose that’s why I enjoy traveling now, recapturing the feelings of happiness from a time long past. I started college the next year. I joined the Air Force at age 21.
In the Air Force I traveled a lot. San Antonio, Texas; Denver, Colorado; Anchorage, Alaska; Cheyenne, Wyoming; Spokane, Washington, Georgia; and a lot of other small trips as I was in high demand for my talents. Just before I was going to end my 4-year tour of duty I was selected from an International competition to do all of the set designs for Mr. Bob Hope’s television special with the Air Force in the year 1987. Talk about WOW!
I met some incredible people, some very talented, some not so nice, and others who loved being around people. Lucille Ball, Bob & Deloris Hope, Emanuel Lewis, Brooke Shields, Barbara Mandrel, Phyllis Diller, and so many others. I was surprised one long, windy day while we were filming by Barbara Mandrel. The wind had been blowing all day and all of us had to help steady the background flats. We had been holding those things up all day and it was getting tiresome. Barbara came back around the sets and started to joke and talk with all of us. She recognized me and walked over to compliment me on the sets. As we talked a big wind gush came along. I groaned as I tried to keep the flats from flying away with it. She put her hands upon my shoulders and gave me a back massage. I’ll remember that day for a long time.
Did you know that all of the staff that worked with Mr. Hope had been with him since he started performing? They were all older gentlemen full of knowledge, kindness and were eager to teach us youngsters. One of them even showed me where to go stand so that every one of the stars would have to talk to me, I did, and they did. I’m laughing loudly as I type this remembering these things.
Even after the Air Force, I had that itch to move every few years, so I did. California, Arizona, Texas, DC, NYC, Louisiana, Texas, Florida, and who knows were all I visited. So you can imagine the number of good-byes I’ve shared over my lifetime. Only recently have some of the many people I’ve met have started to show up again in my life. Ellen, the woman I almost married and often wonder how my life would have been if I had, had been on my mind for a long time. So one day I searched her out. I was glad to talk with her again after all of these years. She finally admitted that it was her that had called to me as she had been curious as to how I was doing and had no way of contacting me. With all the moves, the name change, and not having phones listed under my own name can prevent some from finding me. She’s married now to an older man and has two boys. I felt sorry for her as I sensed that this wasn’t the life she had dreamed she would have. I send her blessings that her husband will find a great job and she may find the things that bring her joy.
Good-bye isn’t so bad. If they are friends, then I know we will meet again either in this life dream or at another point either in time or outside of what we perceive as time. So for now, Good-bye friends. I'll be taking a short break because the laptop is down and I'll be traveling.
Thought for now: Where do you call home? What sketches of your life's dream do you recall? How do you look at those sketches now?
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