Wednesday, January 25, 2006
After a good night’s rest, I’m feeling very relaxed and have the desire to just have a slow day. I have intent to thoroughly clean the Children and Creativity space where I’ve been sleeping. The energy in this room is very comforting. There is a lot of active energy in the front of buildings, that’s why it’s always best to put rooms for rest towards the back of homes, because the energy is slower there. This room is paneled with wood paneling and a wood ceiling. It needs some aspects of metal, fire, earth and water to balance it. The new rocker (still needs some loving kindness and I’ll set my intents towards providing it some soon) helps with the fire element as it has a red-orange color. Dearest Finnabair desires metal curtain rods with the tab-topped curtains we are going to make, so that will help with the metal aspect. I’ll have to look for a mirror or some other glass objects for this room to help with the water element; and find some representations of earth elements.
Dearest Finnabair provided a Yoga magazine to me the other day so I could begin to understand and learn about it. After reading it, I’m eager to learn of this practice as it resonates well with my desire for a stronger body, a more focused mind, and better meditational practices. So I’ll ask the question now – Where and with whom shall I study Yoga?
Being here there are so many new questions being asked. I’m learning to ask a lot of questions. I believe it’s in the asking of the questions that we begin to gain knowledge and understanding. Umm…a new thought – knowledge = knowing. I had asked a question about attending a certification training for Feng Shui, however, the funds aren’t currently yet available to pay for the almost $3,000 to pay for the week long class, nor has the place been provided yet for where I should stay while out in Southern California for this training. It seems the more questions I ask, the more I want to know, the more I know. The more I know, the more questions arise, the more I’m aware of other aspects. It’s a never-ending circle (circle represents a completion), so perhaps this is the way it is supposed to be.
Yesterday as I was organizing the Wealth area of the cabin, which is the back porch, I found an old coin and a representation of a large amount of wealth. I have the intent to take the coin to a dealer to learn about its value. I’m taking the other representation as a sign of great wealth to come. I used to believe that I wasn’t worthy of wealth, love, respect or honor. However, my last session with Lauren (my holographic repatterner in Austin) we worked on those issues and I now believe and expect those things. I welcome them into my life where as before I would always run away from them or sabotage my self and life so it would end. I am Sebastian Lynn St.Troy. I am worthy of a great abundance of love, respect, honor and wealth. That is my daily statement. I have a feeling that I will be adding more to that daily statement in time. Part of it I already know – I am. The words ‘I am’ represent to me the fact that I am many things; capable of many things, and connected to all living things. There is much more to that ‘I am’ than that, but I’m not finding the words to express it yet.
Well, it’s time for some hot tea, something I’m learning to enjoy daily as part of the routine of life. It’s such a joy to sit, relax and sip hot tea. Maybe, that’s why Galen kept seeing The People of the Woods sitting up by the soon to be Chapel (meditation center) having tea, because it’s such a delight. As I sit here typing I keep being drawn into the woods to the South. I had asked dearest Finnabair and gentle Lonnie if they knew what was down there, they didn’t. There’s something down there, so I’m curious to find out what it is. I’ll set my intent to explore down there later today as it warms up. I hope to be able to spend some quality time with knowing Kathleen this weekend as that is the only time she isn’t working. I sense in her the ability for great knowing and understanding. I have the intent to try an experiment with dearest Finnabair and gentle Lonnie – to encourage them to ‘call those things that be not as though they already are’ concerning knowing Kathleen, thus I’m beginning it with calling her knowing Kathleen. The power of words, thoughts; they are very powerful.
Thought for now: When you look at other people, what do you think or say about them? Is it something that calls them forth into gnosis (knowing) or something that limits their ability to become, to find their true selves?
I’ve been sipping tea, reading, and watching Roadie play outside. It seems that everywhere I sit there is something calling me out. Whether it is on the front porch swing, out the window beside me, or the kitchen window where I had breakfast. Something about this place wants you to be outside, amongst the natural elements. Before I go explore I wanted to share something. The situation with Mr. Bear; rather perceived or real, was a lesson, for me, in dealing with fear. Over the years I have gradually faced my fears. First I learned to slowly climb higher and higher up a cilo to overcome my fear of heights. I eventually came to enjoy rock climbing and repealing. Second I learned to overcome my fear of hurting my hands (my hands have always been my way of expression so hurting them was a major concern of mine) by learning to bull ride. I am thankful to Cody Custer and his brothers, all world champions, for their gentle and encouraging guidance. I’ll admit I enjoyed the rush from bull riding and the rough manly appearance it gave. It did help me overcome a lot of other fears. Regarding Mr. Bear; I’m learning to face new fears – that of knowing who I am, the power of words, the power of negative energy. Yes, it was negative energy that I was accepting that caused the fear regarding this situation. Last night I acknowledged it as such and ever since when those fears start to show, I just say that I do not accept such negative energy as part of my being. I’m finding that by doing so I’m freeing myself of fear so that I can be free to live, to love, to be the ‘I am’ I know I am.
Roadie is so funny. He’s watching a reflection made from his collar tag and trying to see where it is from or why it is there. He’s ever the old philosopher. Ok, time to explore. Where are my hiking boots?
It’s now almost 8:30 pm and Roadie and I have just returned to the cabin. It’s been a very eventful afternoon. Dearest Finnabair and gentle Lonnie called to invite us to go into town for pizza and then to the local market. I sure the lady at the Pizza Place (yeppers, that’s even it’s name) was a bit perplexed at my request for a vegetarian pizza with no onions and NO cheese. Finnabair told me they could add tomatoes to it for me even though it wasn’t listed. Then I saw that they had a house salad with some awesome ingredients so I asked if she would add some of those on it also. I had an awesome personal pizza. At the local market I met Maxine, a wonderful, caring, vibrant soul who has taught English here in Alton for 20 years. She was a delight to talk with, especially when I asked her if she would mind telling me her age, as I sensed that she has graced us for many years. She smiled and laughed and told me her age – 84. She was tall, slender, walked a bit slower, but was full of wonderful loving energy. She asked if I was one of her students because of the way I phrased my question and I informed her I wasn’t and that I was just visiting here.
As I began to shop, Lonnie and Finnabair looked a bit perplexed as to why I was buying so much food. I think they are hoping that I will stay here for a long time. Even gentle Lonnie keeps saying, “when you move up here.” As I mentioned before, I’ll leave that up to the powers of the universe to determine, but I do know that I have to visit some other places, so I will wait for that answer. When dearest Finnabair asked about the amount of food, I responded by saying that there are people coming to visit. Later I asked her whom she has called out to visit, because I haven’t asked anyone yet. She responded by saying that she had invited a friend of hers to come over and hopefully go walking with us. However, she said her friend said she was very busy. I don’t know who the guests are going to be, but I’m preparing the cabin for guests and I bought food to share while they are here.
Gentle Lonnie brought Roadie a wonderful gift today, a new larger kennel for him to have because he is outgrowing the one I bought. Dearest Finnabair brought over a TV, some videotapes on T’ai Ch’i and Yoga. I look forward to watching the tapes to see what I can learn on my own. However, I feel that I need a personal teacher so I can fully understand the aspects, meanings, and ideas behind these practices. She also brought over a sewing machine and some of the fabrics we purchased the other day. After the market we returned to the cabin.
I had gone for the walk before they had arrived and I shared what I had found – a pond down in the woods that were calling me out. It has grown over, has trees growing on the damn, and needs a lot of gentle, loving attention so it can become the pond it was meant to be. As I walked I was also shown were a little one room cabin should be just above the old pond. I had also walked around after we were back from the market and found another area of high energy where another small cabin should be. As I walked this afternoon I saw a great number of trees and plants that Galen had lovingly planted when they were just small seedlings. They are growing into some awesome plants now. Lonnie and Finnabair didn’t know about the pond. I have intent to show them when we can and to show them the two areas where I saw the small cabins. Tonight after we had all had dinner, just as I was leaving, I whispered to dearest Finnabair that there are supposed to be two small cabins here. She immediately said something to Lonnie about what I had said. It seems that they have already discussed having two cabins here. We three are very connected and I’m not sure what they think when I tell them what I see here, but they always respond with great caring by sharing that they have already talked about the things I’m sharing and am seeing here.
Dinner at Lonnie and Kathleen’s was awesome. Gentle Lonnie lovingly honored my current diet by preparing me a special meal. He prepared a crab bisque, but without the crab for mine. He also baked a delicious apple and berry cobbler. He is an awesome cook. After dinner Kathleen shared her quilting with me by showing me the beautiful quilt she is working on. It is all hand done! The machine hasn’t touched it. She uses a ruler to make sure that all of the stitches are just the right size and evenly spaced. You would have to see the quilt in order to appreciate the quality of care she is making it with. I was glad I could spend some time with Kathleen. She is a very special person, capable of great levels of knowing and understanding. Before the market, we had visited knowing Kathleen’s office and I had noticed some things there. As we left her office I shared with Lonnie and Finnabair that she had a great amount of love. They acknowledged the truth of this.
While Roadie and I were walking around the grounds, we went down to see if Mr. Bear had received his peace offering – he hadn’t. So we walked down to the Faerie Glen to visit the spirits and beings there. Roadie (my protector) whined and when I stopped he grabbed my leg, almost saying, No, not there. I picked him up and walked ahead. We sat in the Faerie Glen for a bit, then I heard a noise, so we went to see what it was. As I was walking out of the Faerie Glen I noticed a very fresh bear print in the mud. There is only one animal in my whole life that I have feared and it is bears. I guess because I was chased by one as a child through the woods where I grew up. Mr. Bear’s presence here is a bit unnerving, but I am determined to overcome this fear as well. I know that I have to be mindful of his presence, but not let it prevent me from enjoying the special aspects of this place. Thus, I now walk around with a large walking stick, a talk loudly to myself when I’m walking around, and I watch Roadie and follow his lead. He had grabbed my leg earlier also, but that time I stopped and we walked a different direction. I think I’ll allow him to help guide me. I’ve also been shown that there are a few areas around the cabin that need to be cleaned up a bit so as to not invite the interest of Mr. Bear. I’ll discuss these things with dearest Finnabair and gentle Lonnie on the morrow.
I also discovered some great fruit trees out back that need some loving attention to help them grow correctly and to produce great fruit. As I walked around the orchard, I saw a vision of a wonderful garden area in the midst of the woods around. It shall be surrounded by a large fence (to prevent deer and other creatures from entering); filled with great flowers; with benches around for meditating, relaxing and to talk; and it should have various healing flowers and herbs. The fence will connect with the cabin and the new garage/workshop space I see being built where there is an older building. I’m seeing a wooden fence with wire top so it will reach the 8-foot level it needs to be, but not be overbearing. I also see a new back patio area, a circular drive in the front of the cabin, the old garage being turned into a pottery space with a kiln and outdoor work space, and a small building for the pleasure of learning quilting. Perhaps this place is to be a learning center that teaches various aspects of art while it inspires and rejuvenates the people while they are here.
I’m glad I was invited to share in this very special place, to make new friends in gentle Lonnie and knowing Kathleen, and to continue the friendship with dearest Finnabair. When I look at dearest Finnabair I see an incredible woman who is seeking to grow but feeling caught between growth and family – the old ways of being. I have put a challenge to dearest Finnabair and gentle Lonnie about calling those things that be not as though they already are, and I hope they accept the challenge, as I know when they do it will change their lives forever, along with the way to think and communicate with others. It will bring them both new levels of relationships and help others around them to grow into the people they are. I see that they both are ready to begin the challenge and will continue to encourage them in this regard. I have three wonderful, very special, kind, loving, compassionate, connected (understanding of being one with everything), and knowledgeable friends in Finnabair, Lonnie and Kathleen. Lonnie and I are very similar and have kindred souls from times long past.
Thought for the day: What fears are you faced with to overcome? Are you ready to look them in the face and deal with them in order to grow or are you still afraid of them because you aren’t aware of the power within you (your higher god or goddess self) to overcome them? I encourage everyone to acknowledge fear for what it is – negative energy that doesn’t want to change, that wants to keep us bound by old ideas, beliefs, dogmas, or stories that we have applied to past events that tell us we either aren’t worthy or are developed and told to us by others who feared our spirits. People fear change and seeing their true self being reflected in us. Be aware that others around you will not all provide encouragement and sometimes may become fearful themselves and try to prevent you from becoming, from growing in some very negative ways. Just acknowledge that they are afraid and do not accept the negative energy they are throwing at you. Guard yourself with protection, knowing, understanding, and the ability to recognize negative energy. Blessings to everyone who begins this approach in life that you will find the peace and love it brings to you and the encouragement it brings to others.
Namaste.
