“Deliver me” is a wonderful song by Sarah Brightman. The song is about being lost and finally having someone deliver you from all of your sadness. Perhaps there has been too much sadness in my life and there is no one to deliver me from it. I still hope sometimes that I might find a way past all of the darkness, loneliness, and sadness of my life. Music has always been one of the ways I escape, the other is through my dreams, not just my sleeping dreams, but also my waking dreams. That reality that I create for myself so that I can deal with life on a daily basis. In my dreams I can do anything, be anyone, am happy, travel a lot, know languages, have friends, live in many places, and have lots of money.
Perhaps by living in my dreams I’ve escaped the reality of what is and thus have not been prepared for a future of any type. My dreams are the only way I cope. I suppose I’ve never really enjoyed my life, not for as long as I can remember. Why, I wish I knew. I thought it might get better as I got older, but instead, it’s just been more difficult because I couldn’t cope. In reality I am sure I should be put away into an asylum somewhere so that others wouldn’t have to deal with my madness. Everyone who knows me knows I’m not rocking on all rockers. I have tried to fit into every sort of societal boxes, however, I don’t fit into any of them. Instead I break them apart and leave a trail of confusion behind me. Is it them or is it me that is confused?
Hang on, is what another song says by Sarah, hang on for another day. I’ve been hanging on for 45 years now, and I am still curious as to why I am here in the first place. I’m sure there is a reason for why I am here, so what is it? Perhaps I will never know, does anyone know?
Alone on winding road again, alone in the darkness.
