Every day is different; some days are good, some not so good. Lately I’ve been feeling very alone, perhaps it’s perceived, but in reality I know I’m alone. Yes, I have friends and family who really care about me, but for some reason I find myself always alone. Now I’m alone in Antigua and attempting to learn Spanish. I’m still struggling with the cold from Panama, so I don’t really feel much like doing anything, not to mention going to school.
Tomorrow is the burning of the devil (La Quema del Diablo) here in Antigua. Everyone cleans their home and puts the trash by the front door and then burns it. This is to remove negative energy from the home, then tomorrow night the whole town participates in the burning of the devil, which has been built at the entrance to the city. In other words, they are cleaning the city of bad things for the next year. It should be an interesting event.
I’m now in a private room with a private bathroom, so I’m feeling even more isolated than I did before. I suppose it’s all good, as I’m here to learn something, not to socialize. There are times that I ask myself, why am I even trying to do all of these things, when I should just go home and live in some small apartment and be bored. Being retired at age 45 isn’t easy because I still have decent health. I wish I had taken life more seriously when I was younger and thought about the years ahead of me. Instead I just enjoyed playing every day and lived a life of fun.
There are many volcanoes around here and throughout Central and South America. As I child I had a recurring dream about me being in a volcano. I dreamed I was walking along a narrow walkway along the side of a mountain when suddenly the walkway started falling apart in front and behind me. I saw people falling. I ran and jumped over the falling sections, only to finally fall myself. My last vision in the dream was that of me falling into the lava.
I couldn’t understand that dream as a child and for some reason that one dream has stuck with me for all of these years. Even though I have a desire to get close to the volcanoes, I resist because of this dream. It might not end that way, but then again, one never knows.
