Sometimes I’m not sure what life is about, sometimes I’m not even sure what I’m about. I couldn’t sleep last night and the few minutes of the night I did sleep I dreamed some vivid dreams. I dreamed about why I couldn’t sleep well in my room. I needed to add more water elements to douse the fire of my fire personality so I could rest. So I suppose I’ll be looking into ways of incorporating water elements into my room to help me sleep and rest. I dreamed that I was alone. I’m not really alone, I know this as fact, but there are times that I do feel so very alone. I’m very different from most people and have always found it a bit difficult to fit in anywhere. I suppose part of the things I’ve been learning from the I Ching is that I don’t need to fit in, that I’m just to be true to myself and follow my own path and that by following my own path, learning to be steadfast in my beliefs, and believing in the overall good of people, events, and the world that others will join with me. I have to admit I’m tired of being alone, but there are times that I do enjoy being by myself. I would enjoy just having friends to give me a call sometime to chat about nothing, to invite me to go to the lake, to go eat dinner, or maybe watch a movie. I seem to be the one who does most of the calling in this regard so maybe that’s why I feel alone because if I didn’t call then maybe they wouldn’t. I have some wonderful friends but they all live in Texas and here in Louisiana, especially living out in the country, it’s a bit rough finding and making new friends.
I’ve often thought about moving back to Texas, or moving somewhere, but I’m not sure where I would want to go. I don’t really fit into the overall gay scene, the straight scene, the Christian scene, the new age scene so where is one to live? I will wait for the time to present itself for me to move again and will remain where I am until I’m shown where and when. I do enjoy being able to work in the gardens around the house and feel like I’m doing something for myself, although I know it’s for my sister. I do have a desire to have a place that is mine, with my own gardens and room for Roadie to play catch. According to the I Ching, I am not supposed to allow my desires to run unchecked, so I will leave it to the Higher Power to bring such things about and not dwell upon them too much.
I’m not supposed to give much thought to doubts and fears, although this lesson hasn’t been easy because lately there have been a lot of them about my life, my purpose, my finding a partner, my work, my company, and so much more. I don’t dwell upon them much, but they linger hauntingly in the back recesses of my mind just waiting for the moment my ego goes unchecked. Modesty, simplicity, and reticence are the key. And, also, being ever aware of the Higher Power’s involvement in my life. Since January I have read a lot of books, traveled to some interesting places and have asked a lot of questions which have caused me to look at my life a bit differently than before. Where is all of this heading I’m not sure, but I do know this, that wherever I’m going, I’ll enjoy the journey and learn to be present at each moment of the day so I won’t miss the joys that life brings.
Yesterday my brother-in-law and I went shopping and began talking about some ideas of how to utilize the land here to make money and develop some type of small business that would support the whole family. Several good ideas developed. Harmony Hills Growers was one of them and Harmony Hills Gardens & Bistro was the other. The first could work nicely with the second as the first would grow and sell unusual plants not readily available in the growing market today. It would be about experimenting with plants to develop some interesting plants that would have appeal to people. Through that aspect there would be gardens, which would provide the backdrop for a small, specialty bistro that would have a set price, set time, and set menu available on weekends and special holidays. It would be an outdoor bistro with small gazebos placed around a large Koi pond with the gardens flowing in various directions around it. Each gazebo would be outfitted with mosquito netting, fans (and heaters), lighting and other things to create a special place for people to come celebrate life. There would be small romantic gazebos perhaps with pillows and chaises. There would also be mid-sized ones for up to 6 people and some larger ones to accommodate up to 12 people. The kitchen would be in a separate building in the garden and available for special event catering and other such things. The question was how would we get people to drive out here and the answer was simple. We would be providing a great atmosphere not available anywhere else and with great food. Of course there is the question of money to get something like this started on either account, but the first one we could start and slowly build into something. The second might have to wait for a bit so the gardens can grow and we would have time to build everything and get things going good.
I hope that perhaps something can be accomplished to create a family-operated business, as it would greatly help everyone. My sister could even put in a flower shop, and maybe I could find a way to put up some small cabins and have a unique bed and breakfast combined with the bistro aspect. I can see some cabins dispersed through the grounds with paths leading through the gardens to the bistro area, the nursery area and the flower shop and kitchen. Maybe it will be, but as with most of my dream ideas, only time will tell. Perhaps it is time I devote myself to something and work to accomplish it. Here I could do just that. I’ll begin to process the idea a bit further and see how I could begin something and then believe in the power of the Creative to bring things about. For now I’ll not hope too much, doubt too much, or fear that something may not become reality. I’ll just quietly dream. This is something that I do wherever I am, because I am a dreamer, a person who can see things that aren’t there now, but could be. Maybe it’s time to stop dreaming and just be.
Thought for now: Shucks, is there a thought for now? I believe I’ll just let what ever questions you asked yourself be your personal thought for now as I’ve had a lot of them just from writing this.
