Desire is that part of us that is always comparing ourselves with others in order to seek to improve our lives based upon a misconceived idea that what others have we should want. I’m learning that desire is based upon a certain type of fear or a false idea that we are not happy in our present circumstance. “Desire makes me weak,” are the words that reverberate in my mind as I type this from a song, title unknown. I suppose those words have a special double meaning, or is it really just one meaning? I desire, I am weak. If I want something so bad that I begin to question my purpose in life, or begin to alter the way I act or believe then I am weak, I have strayed from the path I’m to follow. I know that in this song the singer is talking about the desire to be with another person and that desire causing them to be weakened into submission for them, however, isn’t that the same?
As I’ve been reading the I Ching I’ve been learning to stay steadfast and not allow fear to cause desires. It’s the fear that we are not as good as another, don’t have the same things, and perhaps that they live a happier life than we do and we want to travel their path, not ours. It’s also the fear of the unknown that causes us to sometimes desire change, desire release, desire answers. Thus, if we fear, we desire?
Last night as I began to clean and do things around the house I realized that my desires have changed, become less important. Not that I’m giving up on things, just that it’s more important to enjoy and accept the life we are given at the moment and realize it is where we are supposed to be. By not accepting our current lives we begin to fear where we are and then begin to create desires for change, for something better, for anything but what we have. I know it’s not easy at times to just accept things, especially when things may not seem as good as we might think they should be, but that’s the point. To learn to be happy, at peace, with whatever is happening and allow faith, that belief that there is a Higher Power out there to guide us all, to be our guide even if we cannot see past the next step.
Last night I watched “Brokeback Mountain” and greatly enjoyed the film. As the ending approached and I realized what the story was, I began to cry. I wonder what it would be to have a love so strong that it kept you going for months even when you couldn’t see the other person, and then to keep you going for a life time. I wasn’t surprised that the movie dealt with societal pressures to be a certain way, to act according to some preconceived ideals of what is right and wrong based upon out-dated Judeo-Christian biases. If there is one thing that I have learned through all of the travels, the books, the people is that we should be true to ourselves and follow the path that is laid before us without regard to what others might think or believe. It is our own unique path and we are meant to follow it, sometimes because it means that there is a greater purpose to our rather simple life than what we might ever see.
As I watched the scenes of Montana wild country with the mountains, rivers, fields, and animals, I desired to be there at some point. Not just in Montana, but to be free again. Lately I’ve just felt a bit trapped and not sure if where I am is correct, but then I am reminded by the I Ching to stay steadfast and to continue on where I am. Maybe through all of this I’ll learn something more about myself, as I have already have. I’m beginning to realize that there are more important things in life than what I drive, where I live, and what I own. I’m realizing that people and relationships are important. I have to admit that I’ve been wondering if I’ll ever meet someone to share my life with, but I’m learning to control those thoughts as well through believing whatever will be shall be and just trusting Fate to see me through.
Thought for now: What do you desire? Why do you desire it? What purpose does it serve to desire? Are your desires generated by a fear of something? If so, then perhaps we should question why we desire something, through understanding why we desire things we might be able to understand clearly where we are and why we are here. Is there something to learn from being in our present circumstance?
