Extracting the Sweetness

Late this afternoon an incredible experience transpired. While at the kitchen sink a hummingbird flew straight up to the window, paused, looked at me, hovered in place for a bit, and then flew off. He or she was only a foot away and I could see the iridescent colors, which were beautiful. Shortly after, while I was watering the garden, another hummingbird came over to the flowers, hovered at my eye level for a bit, and then flew off. Not long after the hummingbird had departed a bumble bee started buzzing around my head.

Knowing that animals are here to guide us on our life's journey, I commented to my father that I needed to review the message that these wonderful creatures were presenting to me. I later shared their messages with my father while we enjoyed the quiet country evening on the back deck. I wanted to share those same messages here.






HUMMINGBIRD represents Joy

Life is a wonderland of delight - darting from one flower to another, tasting the sweet nectar and radiating the colors of the rainbow. Hummingbird a symbol for accomplishing that which seems impossible. It can teach you how to find the miracle of joyful living in your own life.

Hummingbird medicine is herbal; it shows us how to use flowers for healing. They teach us how to draw life essence from flowers and create your own medicines. This totem reminds us to explore the past and extract the sweetness from it. It can help you find joy and sweetness in any situation. Grab joy as swiftly as you can. Hummingbird reminds us to find the joy in what we do and to sing it out.

BEE represents Fertility and the Honey of Life, Accomplishing the Impossible

Bees are the symbol of fertility and sexuality. Its honeycomb, a hexagon, is the symbol of the heart and represents the sweetness of life found within our own heart. It is also the symbol of the sun and all its energies.

The bee reminds us to extract the honey of life and to make our lives fertile (productive) while the sun shines. No matter how great the dream is, there is the promise of fulfillment if we pursue our dreams.

If a Bee has shown up in your life, examine your own productivity. Are you doing all you can to make your life more fertile? Are you busy enough? Are you making time to savor the honey of life and not becoming a workaholic?

The Bee is the symbol of accomplishing the impossible. Aerodynamically, its body is too large for its wings and should not be able to fly. Although now we understand how it does fly (high rate of wing movement), the Bee remains a symbol of accomplishing anything you put your mind to.

In Hinduism, the Bee relates to Vishnu, Krishna or Kama, the God of Love. In Egypt, the Bee symbolized royalty. In Greece, it was the symbol of the Eleusinian Mysteries. The Celts associated the Bee with hidden wisdom.

MDA Lockup - Help, I'm in Jail!

Recently my sister sent me an Email informing me that she was going to jail. It isn't what you might be thinking, and no she hasn't broken any laws. She's helping to raise money for Muscular Dystrophy Association (Jerry's Kids). She's participating in the MDA's Lock Up. Her goal is to raise $2,000. You may not know my sister, but if you're reading this I hope you will help her get out of jail and raise money for MDA.

Please visit her personal MDA Lock Up page to make a donation: https://www.joinmda.org/MyLockup/MyHomepage/tabid/15177/Participant/mrsvicked2k/Default.aspx

Building Wealth

Despair, doubt, and feelings wonder flood my thoughts lately. My hopes of having the cabin completed by the end of summer are fading. Living here seems to drain every drop of money I can generate. Before I allow the place I’m calling home to ruin my finances, I’m putting together some solutions to fix the problems with energy. I’m sure some may question my seemingly madness, however, I know what I teach my clients works and I cannot teach it if I do not live it.

I’ve began working on correcting the bad flow of energy off the land through the ‘wealth’ area by creating a Wealth Garden in an old satellite dish, however, I still have to put some more top soil, find some winter plants, and then mulch it. There are plenty of rocks around here, so I will be buying some gold spray paint, painting the rocks to look like gold, and putting a pile of them into a container within the new Wealth Garden to symbolize wealth being saved. After I get this aspect completed I will begin working on creating a crescent moon shaped planter on the ground around the satellite dish, purchase some really nice shrubs, ground covers, and bulbs to plant there, not to mention mulching it. Once these are completed then the next step is to remove two dead trees (dead trees drain energy) near the Wealth Garden, trimming up the trees throughout the area, and mowing it all to keep it looking good.

When I’m in Austin next I will be purchasing some crystals to help draw energy back away from the quick slopping area of land. I believe I may also put a wind chime near the area to call in the wealth that is now being drained away. I’m sure in time others will grow to understand my madness as they see my finances improve, which I know they will when I devote such attention to saving my wealth.

Perhaps in time I’ll be able to finish the cabin, begin working on creating some gardens around it, and hopefully enjoy being here. Lately it seems that there is always something to get accomplished, so for now I’ll keep working and doing all the things needed. I know that I will complete the cabin and that I will enjoy being here, but for now it is a daily struggle to maintain my spirits and slowly work on it.

There are days of joy here, such as today when we all worked together to put up gutters on my sister’s home, when my father and I get to do projects together, and when we all get to play 42. My doubts will fade away, my hopes will be renewed, and my dreams will blossom into something beautiful, however, I have to believe and move forward daily into creating what I want my life here to be.

Lessons Learned from Animals About Life and Living.

Recently my father and I had a brief conversation about crows, because he mentioned he had seen some in the back yard and wasn't able to get his gun before they flew off. I mentioned to him that crows were a good thing to have around the home, as they represented good magic. Here is what the crow means as it relates to an animal totem.

CROW

"Keeper of the Sacred Law"

Crows are the keepers of the Sacred Law and to have a Crow totem is very powerful.

Personal Integrity are your watchwords and your guide in Life. If you have a Crow totem, your prime path is to be mindful of your opinions and actions. You must be willing to walk your talk, to speak your truth and to know your life's mission.

Crow is a omen of Change. Crow lives in the void and has no sense of time, therefore, it sees past, present and future simultaneously. Crow merges both light and dark, both inner and outer. It is the totem of the Great Spirit and must be respected as such.

They are symbols of creation and spiritual strength. Look for opportunities to create and manifest the magic of life. Crows are messengers calling to us about the creation and magic that is alive in the world today and available to us.

Over the past few days there have been several animals who have shared their messages with me, so I'll take a moment to share what these animals have shared with me.

Today:
A Squirrel appeared to enjoy the seed feast provided when the new bird feeder fell, although I enjoyed his presence for a bit, I did want to remind him that the seeds were for the birds, although I did thank him for his gift:

Chatter, scold, creature bold,
Warning all by your call.
Discovery, change, bring within my range.
Warnings as free, send to me.

Gathering, Activity, and Preparedness is the message of the Squirrel. The gathering power of Squirrel is a great gift. It teaches us balance within the circle of gathering and giving out.

They remind us that in our quest for our goals, it is vital to make time for play and socializing. Squirrel teaches us to conserve our energy for times of need. If your totem is Squirrel or Squirrel has recently entered your life, lighten your load of things that are unnecessary – things that you have gathered in the past and may be cluttering your life – thoughts, worries, and stresses.

Squirrel is also the totem of action. Ask yourself are you too active, not active enough, afraid of enough,
hung up on accumulating and collecting. Squirrel people tend to be a little erratic – trying to do many things at once. Take the time to stop and listen to your inner self – and don’t forget to play!

Also today while working around the new Wealth Garden a Dragonfly (My lifetime animal totem) stopped for a visit and then followed me around:

Illusion, the Power of Light

Dragonfly is the power of light. The dragonfly inhabits two realms: air and water and the influence of both these elements will be felt by Dragonfly people. They will be emotional and passionate during their early years (the influence of water) and more balanced with greater mental clarity and control in as they mature (the influence of air).

Dragonfly is the essence of the winds of change, the messages of wisdom and enlightenment; and the communication from the elemental world. Dragonfly medicine beckons you to seek out the parts of your habits which need changing. Call on Dragonfly to guide you through the mists of illusion to the pathway of transformation. The number 2 is important to Dragonfly, so think in terms of two year periods when you begin a change. Dragonfly brings the light and color of transformation into your life.

Over the past few days, there have been many Butterflies, a Grey Heron, a Cat (my new charge called P3), and a Bee.

BUTTERFLY:
Transmutation, Dance of Joy

The butterfly is the symbol of change, joy and color. It is the symbol of the soul. They remind us that life is a dance,not to take things quite so seriously. They also remind us to get up and move. Dance brings the sweetness of life.

Butterflies bring color and joy to your life. Look at them and remember what joy is in your life, if its a lot or a little, it is still joy. They teach us that growth and transformation does not have to traumatic; it can occur gently, sweetly, joyfully.

If a butterfly totem has shown up in your life, make note of the most important issues in your life, and see what needs to be changed.

HERON:
Aggressive Self-Determination and Self-Reliance.

A Heron and Egret totem teaches balance; the ability to progress and evolve -- to walk into deeper waters without fear. It is important for someone with a Heron and Egret totem to learn to stand on their own two feet, to become independent and self-reliant.

Heron and Egret has a strong connection to the element of Earth and you must also be aware and cultivate this connection. The Mother Earth is a source of strength and will help you stand strong and firm. Heron medicine allows you to perform many tasks at the same time,
keeping all in balance. If one way doesn't work, then another way will. Heron and Egret people seem to instinctively know this.

Heron people do not need a lot of people in their life and they are often follow non-traditional roles. They feel no need to "keep up with the Jones." They stand out in their uniqueness
and know how to take advantage of things and events that most people wouldn't bother with.

You know what is best for you and you should follow that path. Be aggressive when opportunities present themselves -- don't let them get away from you. Meditation on color will provide insight to Heron and Egret people.

CAT:

Littlest lion, panther in miniature,
Help me in a my magical endeavors,
Teach me to see my path through dark places,
Help me to sift the necessary from the unnecessary
And to relax and enjoy life.
Strengthened my magic and carry it to its destination.

Mystery, Magic and Independence. A cat totem encourages agility in both body and mind. You will be challenged with new ideas and places. The cat gives you clearer perception.

This spirit helper is resourceful, strong and fearless. It will give you courage and confidence. Examine the colors, character and behaviors of your Cat. Everything about it will reflect in your own life. When a Cat becomes predominant in your life, magic and mystery come alive.

Associated with the Norse Goddess of Fertility Freyja and the Hindu Goddess of Childbirth, Shasthi
and of course, the Egyptian Goddess Bastet who takes the form of a cat.

BEE:
Fertility and the Honey of Life, and Accomplishing the Impossible.

Bees are the symbol of fertility and sexuality. Its honeycomb, a hexagon, is the symbol of the heart and represents the sweetness of life found within our own heart. It is also the symbol of the sun and all its energies.

The bee reminds us to extract the honey of life and to make our lives fertile (productive) while the sun shines. No matter how great the dream is, there is the promise of fulfillment
if we pursue our dreams. If a Bee has shown up in your life, examine your own productivity. Are you doing all you can to make your life more fertile? Are you busy enough? Are you making time to savor the honey of life and not becoming a workaholic?

The Bee is the symbol of accomplishing the impossible. Aerodynamically, its body is too large for its wings and should not be able to fly. Although now we understand how it does fly (high rate of wing movement), the Bee remains a symbol of accomplishing anything you put your mind to.

In Hinduism, the Bee relates to Vishnu, Krishna or Kama, the God of Love. In Egypt, the Bee symbolized royalty. In Greece, it was the symbol of the Eleusinian Mysteries. The Celts associated the Bee with hidden wisdom.

If you'd like to learn more about Animal Totems, please visit www.Linsdomain.com, which is where all of the above information was obtained.

Don't leave the driving to Greyhound!

Monday, May 12, 2008

The story of how Greyhound Lines, Inc. ruined my 7 month backpacking trip and the hell I went through because of Greyhound corporate policies.

After booking my ticket online, I arrived at the Shreveport Bus station where I at the misfortune of having Gloria, an older lady who apparently has been working at this bus station for a number of years and has gained the reputation of “she’s just mean.” Usually I write down my confirmation numbers for things, however, I didn’t find the Greyhound ticket confirmation number among all the other numbers I wrote down for my trip to Panama. Gloria, who apparently didn’t want to provide any assistance which would take her away from being able to watch her Television show or do anything that required thought wasn’t able to find my ticket information. I’m sure it’s because she didn’t know how to utilize the computer system. Then it was a 15-minute wait on the Greyhound 800 number before I was able to reach a live person to provide assistance. I was finally able to obtain my confirmation number (2969150101) and returned to the then extremely long waiting line at the ticket counter. It seems that Dorothy and Gloria were more involved in having a conversation about personal things and watching the television then assisting customers, and Dorothy kept going back to the other office and didn’t help with the long line of customers. Almost everyone in line was complaining about the bad service. I was finally able to reach the counter after a 20-minute wait and obtain my ticket. I’m not sure what the form was that I signed, but I believed it was the confirmation signature for my ticket purchase.

The time came to board the bus, so again I waited in line. I set my large backpack in the line for the baggage handler to load it on the bus. I waited to watch to make sure it was actually loaded on the bus, which it was along with a number of other bags. Thirteen hours later I arrived in Atlanta, the first stop that required a change of buses and where I was to claim my large backpack so I could check it on the next bus. However, my backpack had been taken off the bus that I was on some where along the trip. I complained at the ticket counter, they sent me to a man in customer service and he sent me to check with a man in the baggage department. My backpack wasn’t to be found. Not one of the employees of Greyhound were concerned that my backpack had been taken off the bus and informed me that I couldn’t file a complaint until I reached my destination. While I was complaining to the baggage handler he proceeded to inform me of Greyhound’s policy about baggage, that they would often remove bags from a bus to make room for their express package deliveries, or other bags and then put the removed bags on another bus which would arrive at a different time than the bus I was on.

On Tuesday, May 13^th, I arrived in Orlando, Florida, and wasn’t surprised that my backpack wasn’t there. I complained at the ticket counter and was finally able to get a complaint form, but according to the form it was to be completed by a Greyhound employee and not the customer. I completed the form and handed it to the lady at the ticket counter who just threw it on the counter. The only employee that even tried to provide service was George in Orlando. No one at Greyhound was able to inform me when my backpack would arrive and because I was supposed to be catching a flight early the next morning for Panama I couldn’t wait. Well, this and the fact that while on the bus someone stole my wallet and the bus driver (Cleveland Brown) wouldn’t stop to allow me to file a police report and if he would have stopped then I would have been able to recover my wallet from one of the three people who stole it on the bus. Thus I had to call my family collect to get them to buy a return ticket (Conf. # 3009511701to Shreveport while I awaited my lost backpack and reorder all of the missing items from my wallet. I left Orlando on Greyhound at 8:50 pm that same evening very frustrated, upset, and distraught over the lack of customer service by Greyhound. I could have continued with my trip had my backpack arrived with me, but since I didn’t know when it would arrive I had to return to Louisiana. I arrived Wednesday, May 14^th, in Shreveport over an hour late.

Thursday was spent filing a complaint online through the Greyhound online system and trying to reach a live person with Greyhound to find my lost backpack. After a 30-minute wait on the Greyhound 800 number I was given another number to call (214-849-6246 the Package Department). I called and spoke with a woman who provided me a Customer ID number (1377828) so I could always use that number to talk to anyone at Greyhound. She wasn’t able to inform me where my backpack was located so I insisted upon her providing me a number to talk to a supervisor. She gave me 214-849-8218, which is only a recorded message where you can leave a voice message. I left a message and waited for a return phone call. Friday I was even more upset so my sister suggested I call one number up or down from the other number, which I did and was able to reach an operator (she refused to give me her name and said that her name didn’t matter, but I spoke to her at 4:42 pm) and she, like all the other employees of Greyhound, didn’t know what customer service was and refused to help me. She just transferred me back to the voice message system. I called back and asked her to connect with me a live person, I didn’t care whom, but someone who could help me. I finally reached Mrs. Jimmerson in the Executive Offices. Mrs. Jimmerson was reluctant to provide me with her name. I gave her my customer ID number, she looked it up and said that my backpack had arrived in Orlando on May 15^th (that’s one whole day after I had arrived and it arrived after I would have caught my flight, the same flight I had to cancel because Greyhound lost my backpack.). I informed her that there was no legitimate reason that my backpack should have been taken off of the bus that I was traveling upon and that my luggage should always be on the same bus I was on. She then stated that it was Greyhound’s policy not to consider luggage lost for 24 to 48 hours after it was reported missing. According to the official Greyhound Package department after they receive a complaint they have 30 days to send you a letter in the mail with your Customer ID number before you would be allowed to contact Greyhound, and I informed Mrs. Jimmerson that that time frame was unacceptable. She said that she would have my bag put on the next bus to Shreveport, but that they would not deliver it to the address where I was waiting. I requested a refund of the two tickets and she told me that Greyhound would not refund for lost baggage. I informed her that if Greyhound was responsible for me not being able to take my 7 month backpacking trip then they were responsible for refunding the ticket prices.

Thus, after several days of calling the Shreveport bus station my backpack arrived today, Thursday, May 22, 2008. Upon my arrival at the Shreveport bus station I didn’t find anyone at the ticket counter. I called out for someone and Dorothy peeked her head around a door and said that I would have to wait 30 minutes because she was on her lunch break. I told her that was unacceptable, especially after everything else I had been through with Greyhound. I could see my backpack sitting just past the counter. I walked around the building looking for a door to go get my backpack, but they were all locked. I returned to the ticket counter and told Dorothy that I supposed I would have to crawl over the counter to get my backpack, and she said she would call the police and have me arrested, I told her to go ahead that I was sure that the media would just love to hear all of this horrible tale, which she was now making worse by refusing to provide any level of service. Angrily she approached the counter and took my baggage claim ticket (DM869597), returned through a side door and threw my backpack on the floor some ways away from where I was standing and then disappeared again. I checked the backpack to make sure everything was still in it and left.

To date I am out the following funds because of Greyhound’s baggage policies, the fact that they lost my backpack, and were responsible for me not being able to make my flight connections:

First Bus Ticket: $68.00

Second Bus Ticket: $168.00

Airline Ticket: $405.00

Change of Airline Ticket: $75.00

It seems that any company that isn’t capable of responsibly handling people’s baggage, and from my research there are many such stories, then they shouldn’t be allowed to operate. It is time that Greyhound was held accountable for the number of people’s lives they have hurt because of their corporate policies.

Therefore I hope you will consider assisting me in a Call to Action against Greyhound. You can read more on the website I’ve created to bring together all of the people affected by Greyhound. Part of the website is to provide a comprehensive listing of other bus services that people can take so no one ever has to take a Greyhound bus again. Either we get Greyhound to change their policies or we run them out of business.

Visit http://greyhoundbus.spruz.com/ to learn more about how you can help hold Greyhound accountable for the numerous lives they have harmed.

Don't leave the driving to Greyhound!

After a 4 day horrible experience, lost luggage, stolen wallet, and a week of frustrating dealings with Greyhound, I'm putting out a Call to Action against Greyhound. Please read below for more information:

It's time Greyhound was held accountable, so I'm putting this action together to get everyone who has ever had trouble with Greyhound's bus system to call and complain about their operating procedures, lack of customer service, amount of lost baggage, and anything else you can think of that you, or anyone you may know, want to address with Greyhound Lines, Inc.

Action Dates: June 23 through 27, 2008
Action Time: 8:00 am to 5:00 pm Central Standard Time (so adjust the times for your time zone.)

I believe if you can post this information in your Blog, on Message Boards, on Forums, or email it to your friends. If everyone then calls, sends letters, creates picket lines outside your local Greyhound station, faxes Greyhound and Laidlaw on June 23 through the 27th, perhaps they will understand just how unhappy everyone is with their bus service. Also, please consider finding and taking another bus service. If you know of a bus service, please list it so others can learn about them. I've listed one below, after all the other information.

Unpublished location of Greyhound's Corporate Offices:
Greyhound Lines, Inc.
Criag Lentzsch, CEO
15110 Dallas Pkwy
Dallas, TX 75248-4635
U.S.A.

Do NOT call the listed phone numbers for Greyhound (214-849-8218 is given but only reaches a voice system and it's almost impossible to reach a live person on the 800-231-2222 official Greyhound number.), instead reach a live person by calling any of these unpublished numbers:

Operator with Executive Office: 214-849-8219
Bryan: 214-849-8217
Ursala: 214-849-8215
Safety Dept: 214-849-8214
Claudette: 214-849-8213
Jennell: 214-849-8211

These are the numbers that I was able to reach people, however, you can try to reach other live people by dialing 214-849-82XX (put any number in for the XX)

The Parent Company (the company that owns Greyhound) for Greyhound is:
Laidlaw Inc.
55 Shulman Boulevard, Suite 400
Naperville, IL 60563
U.S.A.
Phone: 630-848-3000
Fax: 630-579-6438

Other Bus Services:
Trailways services some areas, so please see this website to see if they service the areas you are traveling: http://www.trailways.com/schedules.asp

Another great website to find bus services: http://www.apta.com/links/transit_by_mode/bus.cfm

Going with the Flow

When the signs said for me not to stay in Austin then I proceeded to check out other options. The Universe provided a cheap flight to Panama from Orlando, Florida, so I booked it. The Greyhound bus ticket was also amazingly inexpensive, thus I’m here in Shreveport, Louisiana, awaiting my bus to Orlando. It seems that the adventure resumes, but this time I’m a bit more educated about traveling in foreign countries, have an awesome new backpack set, and for some reason I’m nervous, probably because so far this morning everything seems to go wrong. First it was the fact that I didn’t sleep well for having diarrhea, then the auto-stop for the fuel pump didn’t work and caused a huge gas overflow, then when arriving at the bus station the attendant couldn’t find my reservation. After a 15 minute wait I finally reached a live person at the Greyhound’s toll free number to obtain my confirmation number. Gloria, the employee of Greyhound, wasn’t helpful, attentive, or even able to accomplish simple customer service aspects. Even now, while I sit here typing she is chatting and laughing with a co-worker about personal issues while the line of people waiting for tickets continues to grow. Why they only have one person capable of handling customers is unknown. I heard from another lady in line that Gloria has been working in this station for many years and as she said, “she’s just mean.”

I heard a song this morning and one of the lines was “this world is going crazy and I’m not sure if tomorrow is really going to be any better.” That’s the way I’ve been feeling since I’ve been back in the states. Companies don’t seem to care about providing even the slightest level of customer service, employees don’t seem to care about working, managers don’t seem to care much about ensuring their employees work, and the world is going crazy. Is it time for a revolt against the status quo? It seems that most people these days just accept the mistreatment of the various companies that they have to do business with to survive. Perhaps if we all could say NO to this mistreatment then maybe these big companies will have to take notice, but this would require a national boycott.

I’m sure that the day will end well and my traveling adventures will be good, but at the moment I’m just trying to overcome these feelings of angst about this trip. I arrive in Panama City, Panama, Wednesday afternoon and will be staying at Zuly’s Backpackers. I hope to be able to spend about a week exploring Panama before venturing south to South America. The current intentions are to work my passage through the Panama Canal as a line handler so I can get to Columbia. From there I will go as the wind blows to discover the various countries.

My feelings have lightened up some while typing, as people are coming over, sitting down and chat. I’m amazed by the friendliness of poorer people. It’s time to start getting ready to board the bus and I’ve already met several people who will be traveling with me. Even though it may have started off with stress, it’s going to end with the excitement of an adventure.

Tuesday and Wednesday

Adventure was an understatement. First, Greyhound lost my brand new large backpack, which was loaded with new clothes and items for the trip. Second, someone stole my wallet on the bus and the Greyhound driver wouldn’t stop to allow me to call the police and file a report. Thus, I ended up in Orlando, Florida, without any money, no luggage, and distraught over what had happened over the last two days. It didn’t seem to matter to the various Greyhound employees that my backpack was missing, even though I complained to all the people they told me to and even filled out a lost luggage form.

After a collect call to my sister’s home, I was wired some money and they bought a return ticket on Greyhound for me to get back to Louisiana so I could sort everything out. I’m sure I don’t need to mention this, however, I couldn’t make my flight to Panama. Thankfully, Spirit Airlines worked with my sister when she told them about the situation and I have the ticket on hold for a future date of travel.

Now, I’m in Louisiana waiting on new credit cards, going to get a new Social Security card, Medicare card, and driver’s license. It seems I’ll be here a minimum of 10 days while I wait for everything to arrive. There was only one agency, Bank of the Internet USA, that wouldn’t work with my sister, who had power of attorney, or myself when I made requests of them to cancel the current card, replace it and send it to the address where I was located. Instead, Bank of the Internet USA, decided that my “account needed special handling” and decided to close my account instead of providing any level of customer service. Thus, if anyone reads this when you search for Bank of the Internet USA, then I hope you will reconsider opening an account with them, as they are not capable of simple customer service let alone providing any level of regular support for your account.

On the other hand, Washington Mutual Bank has been extremely helpful and has worked hard to provide the help needed during a difficult situation, thus if you are looking for a great bank, please consider WAMU.

My father sent me an email with this message in it and it seems that I needed the reminder to go with the flow:

"GO GENTLY WITH THE FLOW"

If the sky above seems cloudy,

And you are left out in the rain,

If you are searching for a rainbow,

But the colors bring you pain,

If your world is not revolving,

And there is no end in sight,

If you are looking for the sunshine,

But all you see is night,

If all around are smiling,

But all you can do is frown,

If you are tired of all this living,

When life just brings you down,

Then look beyond your teardrops,

At the wonders of this land,

The beauty of a flower,

Like velvet in your hand.

Feel the air around you,

The smell of new mown hay,

Laughing children in the park,

The innocence there at play,

Imagine floating with a butterfly,

As she flutters between the trees,

Or the whispers of the ocean,

On warm hot summer's breeze,

Think of the taste of candy floss,

As it melts upon your tongue,

Or the melody of morning birds,

As they greet each day with song,

Remember words of beauty,

Told in your mother's embrace,

Feel the gentleness of her touch,

As she softly kissed your face,

Seek the good within you,

Cast the clouds from your sky,

Don't look toward the pavement,

But hold your head up high,

Think not what life owes you,

But of all you have to give,

Forget about tomorrow,

Then you can start to live.

So bless this age you are living in,

With the gifts you can bestow,

Don't disregard the stream of life,

Go gently with the flow.

Author Unknown

So, go with the flow I shall. I have no idea of what the next step shall be; however, I am open to whatever the Universe brings. 10 days I shall have while I wait on things to come back together, so I know within that time something shall present itself and then I will know how to proceed further.

Finding Support or Encouragement

Realizing that over the years I haven't always been one to stick with anything for very long - boyfriends, jobs, businesses, family, homes, etc. - I hadn't known the truth of what my friends believed about me. I know I've moved a lot, quit jobs, left lovers, and got rid of businesses I owned all because I wanted freedom, but does this mean that when I take on a new project that my friends cannot support me. It seems that way lately, because when I talk about my current project they all seem to just give me lip service, not genuine support. I've been keeping it all inside until today when my sister sent me an email.

Most people have never understood who I am, some never tried, and yet, can I blame them when there have been times in my life that I didn't understand what my motivations were. During my 5 months of backpacking through Central America something changed in me, or was it that I rediscovered the strengths I had when younger but that had been lost because of so many perceived failures. Whatever it was, I'm now at a point in my life where I really know myself, am willing to stand up and do something again, to open up to new friendships, and to a point where I've accepted the person I am, including all of the negative (or perceived negative) aspects of my life.

Few, if any, have ever seen the many nights of tears, the long sleepless nights questioning my very existence, or known the troubles of my mind as I have sorted through my life. I'll admit, I haven't tried very hard to let anyone know about my struggles, and would only tell people, "I don't think you could handle being inside my head for a moment as it might make you go insane." I've always internalized everything in my life, and kept my fears from everyone, fears, hurts, pains, etc. Now, I'm ready to open my life and try to let people see what really goes on inside my head, my heart, and know the real me. However, are they ready? Are they true friends or not? Can they see past whatever conceived ideas they might have about me to discover the changes in my life now?

I'm not sure where my life is leading me these days. I have never wanted to extend my life, as I haven't liked it on many occasions throughout the years, but now I am talking with my doctor about taking HIV medications, seeking ways of improving my health, working on mending broken family ties, trying to be a concerned and honest friend, and I'm actually wanting to live. I know this thought doesn't resonate with my friends or family that have been through my life with me, however, rediscovering myself has brought about such changes in my life and how I think about myself that I'm ready to move forward into that vast unknown, not with dread of the past, but with a hope for what might be in the future.

I haven't thought very highly of myself over the last many years since I left Louisiana, because I know I wasn't following a true path, instead I was avoiding my issues by indulging in the dark side of sensual pleasures, doing drugs, and feeling sorry for myself. Even when I left Austin to go to Central America I had shut down and couldn't function, I had given up completely, ready to end it all. I couldn't find a way to forgive myself for years of neglect, pain, and avoidance. I came alive while backpacking, realized that I had the ability to do anything, learned to be open about who I was, and returned to the states a different man. At least within my own thoughts and beliefs I've changed or returned to a true path, however, others cannot see that yet.

I suppose when those that are closest to you can only see the image that has been created over the years, then it may be difficult for them to see, or accept, that there could be an altered image now. I cannot fully express the tears that fell today when I tried to talk to my best friend about the new project, and how it has been achieving something that I know is far beyond me, and seeking his advice and support, instead only receiving what I felt like was lip service. He's been my best friend for a long time now, but lately I've noticed more and more changes in our relationship, discovered what his real thoughts are about me, and have begun to question the status of our relationship. I get to see him on Wednesday and will find the words to speak with him about how I felt today.

The child within has grown up, perhaps not to full adult age, but he has grown. That lonesome, fearful, hurt, and ashamed child now seeks acceptance, forgiveness and love in a world that now seems foreign, uncertain, and challenging. Through working on the new project I've grown as well, right along with that inner child, holding hands together, and finding assurance within each other. I'm afraid, nervous, and unsure of where this new project will take me, however, I do know it's something that I cannot escape or run from at this point. It has become the one guiding factor for my existence now, that driving force, and something that isn't about me.

I've been brought to tears a lot of late, tears of joy, of amazement, of loneliness, of personal skepticism, and of fear. Other people are getting to know the person they see working on the project, that creative mind (as I've been known to be called), and they have shown such compassion, encouragement and support to rival anything I have known before. I'm sure it's the project itself and not me that draws their support, but maybe they see something deeper within myself that is only now finding it's own voice and place in the world. Whatever it is, the project or my own energy, I'm thankful for the love.

Daily doubting my own abilities and talents, I've begun to work harder to be true to myself, to speak my concerns, and to be open with people. I know I may not be the person who can carry this new project forward into the acclaim it has been receiving, but I know that I can find the people who can help it achieve it's calling. I'm going along for the ride, enjoying every minute of the refreshing atmosphere, to see where all of this will lead. Who's along for the ride with me? Who cares enough to see into the heart of a man that has long lived in fear and pain?

Welcome to my world, now you've seen what goes on inside my head all of the time, and I've only shown a portion of it here. But if anyone wants to get involved in helping me to take my project to it's next level, then please visit my project's website: www.theHIVconversation.com. Hopefully through this project we all might discover our true selves and learn to laugh, share and live openly.

A Leader or Just Being

Recently I submitted several stories to one of the websites that has been helping me support my new book and film project, "The Conversation". One story was about me and the other was an excerpt from the book I'm writing. I'd like to share one of them with you here.

I don't often consider myself a leader in any regard, but from the communications I've been receiving of late, it seems maybe I am, or at least I'm inspiring others. Perhaps a leader is someone who inspires others to accomplish things. Well, here is the one story.

My Story for TakingItGlobal.org (TIG)

The question was what inspires me:

Creativity, honesty, openness, directness, compassion, intelligence, and freedom inspire me and have throughout my now 45 years. These are qualities I find true in myself and honor them in others when they exhibit such. Creativity, such as in art, always inspires as I gaze upon the beauty, talent, and mind of the artist. Honesty, when expressed through love, is valued amongst my friends, and even when it might slip out through anger. Openness because I believe we should all be open about our lives because it allows us to live freely without fear. Directness may not suit everyone, however, I find it easy for then I know what another is really thinking. Compassion and intelligence go hand and hand for me in that we should have both so that our lives are led with our minds but guided by our hearts. Freedom, being able to do, say, or just be, perhaps is the one thing that has kept my life in constant change, but the one thing I know that guides my path.

What projects am I involved with :

While attending a bi-annual PWA (people with AIDS) camp out, sponsored by the PWA Holiday Charities of Houston, Texas, I and some others were sitting and talking when someone mentioned they had just started dating someone. We all asked, ‘have you had “The Conversation”?’ This term, as some of us have affectionately started calling it, is about disclosing our HIV status. During this little time of chat the idea of a book came about, being that there wasn’t one about the topic, and being that I felt I had something to give to the world, I started working on developing a book. The early beginnings were crude, and some aspects still are, but “The Conversation” is taking off and finding its supporters and participants. I’m retired due to having HIV and Neurosyphilis, something uncommon in these days, and now have an AIDS diagnoses. Thus, I work almost full time on developing the book, along with a film project, seeking people to volunteer their stories, to create their own video shorts, and to promote the project’s work. I’m amazed at the responses and support the project has received, as I didn’t really think about how it would be in reality, just a belief that there was a story to tell that hadn’t been told. Perhaps a hope of being able to live in a world where I can freely talk about my HIV status without worrying if I would loose my job, my health benefits, and family and friends. I don’t know where all of this is leading now, but the universe is taking the energy that I’ve put forth and letting it find its own end, so for now I’m doing my part and enjoying the ride down this river of life.

What do I think makes a good leader:

Leadership, there are some who are taught to lead, others who have a natural ability to lead, and yet others who lead through action or verse. I believe anyone can lead, it’s just a matter of believing in something and working for that cause, that thought, that intuition. Anyone who leads, I believe and because I have lead four companies now, along with being a leader in the military, should have knowledge, compassion, understanding, strength of character, a belief in one’s self, and above all else honesty. I don’t consider myself a leader, although life has put me in that position often, probably because I still doubt that I can make a difference or lead anyone anywhere. But I know, from my own experiences and the comments from others, that I am a leader simply because I believe in something, have talents, and apparently born to do something.

Is there anything that TIG can do to help me achieve my work and have they helped:

Oh, yes, as I scream this loudly. Taking It Global has helped me achieve part of my goal of getting the word out about my project, not to mention providing great resources and leads to others who might want to be involved in “The Conversation”. I greatly respect Janet (I’m not sure of her profile name on here, something I suppose I will go find out), who has been promoting the project and sending me the responses she obtains from others. I suppose there are other ways that TIG could help, but by just having this wonderful resource here to connect, share and learn has been incredible. I’ve created a Blog, a Group, and even been making new friends. Perhaps the greatest blessing would be to have TIG promote the project to a publisher (as I haven’t found one yet who is interested) or helping me to find ways of getting funding for the film project. If anyone knows of ways I can reach resources for either of these I would be grateful. I suppose the new age of technology can be something wonderful, and TIG is doing something awesome and I’m glad I can be a part of it all.

Stay Young With Me

My father recently sent me an email containing the following statements. I liked it so I thought I would share it.

Stay Young With Me

We all need to read this one over and over until it becomes part of who we are!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Try everything twice. On Madams tombstone (of Whelan's and Madam) she said she wanted this epitaph: Tried everything twice...loved it both times!

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches)

3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.

6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love: Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. I love you, my special friend.

11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second time.

But do share this with someone.

Lost time can never be found.

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

The '5 year old' is Alone and Afraid.

Dreams are things that help us understand our lives, what we are thinking, and help us know where to go. The other night I dreamed of being in a new truck, one of those little ones, but I didn’t own it. The owner was there with me and I pulled the truck up to load it up with things sitting on the side of the road. As I put on the brakes to hold the truck, even the emergency break, I noticed that the truck was rolling backwards, the breaks not holding. In a panic I screamed that I couldn’t stop it, but the owner just calmly smiled and said, ‘that’s OK, just go with it.’ The truck kept going backwards and along the way people, strangers, began to help by calling out to others on the street that I didn’t have breaks. Then as I closed in on the bottom of the hill there was a man who told me to hold on and turn the truck so it would go in circles. I did as he said and the truck began to slow in a cumbersome circle. I woke up there, but the thoughts of the dream made me think of my current situation.

I volunteered myself to help a friend, who needed someone to stay in a house he owns. Coming back to Austin, which was required to fulfill the offer to help, now has my mind in a twirl. I’m alone out here, something that I have become accustomed to of late, but here it’s different. It’s not like being alone in Central America where I can easily travel around, but here it’s different. The universe saw fit to provide a $100 bill when cleaning the house, which was used to purchase a bicycle. Things here are so far away that just getting food is hard, even with the bike.

Sleep hasn’t been easy here for fear of who else might have a key to access the home because it’s been kept unlocked for so long, and then there is the case of the mysterious foot prints in the mud by the window that didn’t exist the day before. I slept in the closet for several nights, as it was the only place that felt secure. Now I’m sleeping upstairs in one of the bedrooms on the floor. I have nothing here other than some clothes and my laptop. Being here is difficult for me as I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing. I cannot keep living here as it is without furniture, towels, or anything. I have a desire to rent some furniture, but then why, is it helping anything. Yes, it would give me a better security and comfort in a hard situation.

Being alone does allow much time to think, but I suppose I don’t want to think so I am always trying to find something to do. Moving rocks, pulling grass, cleaning the pool, and more such things keep me occupied so I don’t have to think. Perhaps that is why I so enjoy my adventure of travel in Central America – I didn’t have to think, just be and do each day as I felt. But then again, I’m here in Austin and facing all of the pain I have caused to others before my departure. I’ve never felt such alones as I do now. I feel abandoned, scared, unsure, and even fearful. I have no idea of what I’m supposed to be doing or why I am here. Maybe it’s for the best to be here, alone, without, and thoughtless.

Causing pain in others isn’t something I intend to do, but seem to do it constantly. Perhaps that is the reason I withdraw so much from others, the fear of hurting them causes such mental turmoil and anguish that I cannot bear it. I’m faced with the knowledge of such pains caused to others, but not sure of what to do to correct it. Who knows what will happen over the next few months, but this I do know, I’m here alone, very stressed, and feeling the urge to ‘run’, or as the person first mentioned said, ‘flee and leave it all behind.’ Yes, I flee, I run, I don’t want any connections, but deep within there is that child that cries out for help, for someone to grab me up and let me know I’m safe, I’m loved, and I have value.

Knowing Yourself

As the violin plays some wonderful music, I sit in the Puerto Vallarta airport and listen, pondering some thoughts that have begun to creep into my mind, as a scorpion might creep into a small crevice to escape the heat. Even my thoughts have a life of their own, thus in order to escape from them I have to write them out, letting them find their own place in this world. Over the last many months of traveling, I have changed. I have grown into a person I like. No longer needed are the drugs, the alcohol, the meaningless sex, or the desire cease this life. It seems that traveling and learning how other people lived, learning that I could do things I didn’t think I could do have helped me come into my own. Even my words have changed, as noticed when communicating with my best friend. I’m comfortable just being now and have no desire to be something other than I am.

I’ve heard it said many times that in order to love yourself that you have to really know yourself. How does one get to know oneself when one cannot face the very self that exists? To accept the best and worst that one might be capable of doing or being is very important. I know who I am. I know that I am capable of great wrongs, even to the point of stealing, lying, and much worse; however, I’m also capable of great love, to the point that I can sacrifice my own desires to allow my love to show through for another person without loosing myself. I know I’m not educated as some, but more than others. I know I’m talented beyond most in ways that have been proven in my life. I can take something from nothing and turn it into something wonderful. I can make something out of nothing, such as all four of the businesses I have created. I can command respect and appreciation, but I can also create great disgust and admonition from others. I know my psychological triggers that cause my worst reactions to things and words. I know I possess great anger, but also great peace.

This is who I am, the person I have grown to accept and love. I’m the man with two names (Sebastian St.Troy and Jimmy Lynn Boney), with two families (the chosen one and the one I was born to), and the man who lives comfortable on a small government dividend each month. I no longer seek to run away from my past, rather now embracing it. As my past has made me who I am, it’s part of my being, my existence. I am my mother’s son, very much like her in many aspects, being, I suppose, the best part of my mother. I am my father’s son, even though not recognized as such for many years. I am the brother to my sister and brother. I am the friend to such as might be my friends.

As I contemplate where these acknowledgements might lead, I’m caught in a great web, the great web of life that connects everyone and everything. I am part of nothing, but connected to everything. I am nothing, but everything. Coming into my own peace of knowing who I am lends itself to a growth which is seen by others, as acknowledged by a graceful women last night at Garbo’s, where my best friend and I enjoyed cocktails and conversation. She told my best friend that, “he was likeable from the very first moment she saw me.” Perhaps it is the new way I carry myself, the new way of being secure in myself, or is it that because now I respect myself, others are respecting.

As my best friend says, “you never know a stranger..” This might be, however, those strangers are never met because something my mother taught me when I was very young. As I was boarding a plane, alone and without friends, she said, “they are only strangers if you allow them to be.” Thus, I’m the one, as everyone knows, who will easily and gracefully begin a conversation with someone. There are many things my mother taught me that I wish she could see how they have changed my life and how those lessons have brought me into the man that I am. Perhaps I’ve caused too much pain in that great ladies heart to allow her to forgive and begin a new conversation, but I still hope.

Yes, I’ve changed. I’ve grown. Now the future lies ahead of me in a way I never dreamed possible. It’s a future of hope, something long lost, but now regained. A calming assurance of knowing who I am has taken over where only self-doubt dwelt. Now the future is mine for the making, the molding, as I desire. Where will it all lead? Who knows but now I go gracefully, calmly, and securely into it to find out.

Of Being Alone

Over the last few days, even though I've spent time with wonderful people, I've felt very alone. Is it that people who I have developed friendships over the years have gone or is it that I have greatly offended them. I figure I've offended a lot of people over the years, but have tried hard not to offend those who meant something to me lately. Perhaps I haven't changed that much, even though I feel that I have. I'm alone, even in a sea of people, always locked inside of my head, my thoughts, and wondering why I'm alone. I suppose I've always been alone. Such are the thoughts of my mind, but in reality I suppose even though I know I have great friends, that I'm alone.

What type of legacy shall I leave, or is it even important to leave a legacy? I suppose not, for such as I, that are born alone, live alone, and shall die alone shall never have a legacy, for we shall be as quickly forgotten as when we were born into this world. Maybe being alone, misunderstood, and such isn't so bad. But for now, I'm alone again, as usual, and trying to determine what I've done to deserve such as the way I've been treated of late.

Oh well, it's not that important, I suppose. If people cannot find a way to communicate that I have offended them or hurt them, then what am I to do. If one doesn't know then how can one make ammends, but then again, am I wrong in my thoughts and opinions?

Poisoned Ties, But Friendship Grows

Poison
by Melissa Roberts

Words that need to be spoken should not accumulate inside.
The hurt, pain or jealousy a person feels can not hide.

Sorrow and anger can be and will be suppressed.
But this only leads to a person feeling depressed.

Anger is a deadly toxin in which the body it flows.
When it takes over limb by limb, everyone knows.

The body - The mind controls and manipulates.
As the poison enters the veins and circulates.

When the poison reaches the heart it's too late.
Disastrous emotions take over such as revenge and hate.

The antidote to cure these emotions, is not so hard to find.
We must search to learn to control our spirited bodies and minds.

Not but a single day past, a day spent alone and questioning the very reasons for the words spoken and actions taken the night previous, and now the words begin to flow of what end I'm uncertain, but nevertheless they flow. Sometimes friends and family can unknowingly, or is it knowingly because only they really know where to thrust the dagger for it's greatest affect, say things that cause such pain, hurt, and humiliation. Having endured such pains for many years and seldom speaking of them, over the years I have begun to change the feelings and respects of my heart regarding the persons from which such pains were derived.

There are times, such as I have learned, that it doesn't profit to say anything in response, however, with such times depression and questions arrive. Can I really respect the person that caused such a hurt that only time, oh mighty time if such that you could heal, can heal. Is it time or the ability to forget? Forget or forgive, it's all within the realm of friendship and love. For what friend hasn't done or said things in moments of anger, drunken states, or even casual jokes that could cause pain in the other friend.

Time has limited the number of friends I can call 'friend', but was it due to my crazy Bi-Polar life or was it something else. Perhaps my weakened heart has learned to just dismiss anyone who causes such pain in order to protect it from further abuse. Yes, this could be the case, however, knowing that there are many people lost over the years as friends only because they couldn't understand or just accept what I was going through also, mostly because my mental states through the various Bi-Polar stages doesn't have a way of understanding, especially when I cannot understand it myself.

It has taken years to let go of the past, at least as much as I can recall now, but still there lingers those little voices that insist for my person, my heart, to hold back and bar the door for emotions, friendships, and such for fear of being hurt again, even by those same people. Oh how little they really know of the pains suffered at their hands, if only they could see what was really inside my heart and how greatly it has suffered. Through reasons or beliefs of their own they speak, but shouldn't words be spoken in love, but even then, at least from my life, love is relative only to another's perspective, beliefs and conditioning.

Knowing that I myself have caused such as the same hurt in others have caused leads me to question just how we all survive friends and family over the years and still maintain friendships and family ties. As I've watched my family explode over the years, because of such now wearisome words, actions and emotions released, I wonder how such as it seemed a close family could ever be thrown so far from each other. I suppose time has allowed each to grow, to come to new understandings, and to improve their acceptance of others which now allows friendships to flourish and families to grow together.

Yes, the daggers have all been placed with deadly accuracy, however, the wounds will heal, if not healed, and hopefully only love and a new respect will surface. Surface not only because of the healed wounds, but because through words we can learn to share such pains with others and allow them to see such as it was from our perspective. Which once discovered hopefully leads to a new understanding of each other.

Yes, my best friend hurt me greatly the other night, which caused an unpleasant flight, but only through the hours, the day spent alone, could I find my way back to respect and love him again. Love, whatever it is or means, is just learning to accept people for who they are, willing to allow them to be who they are, and hopefully having them respect the same for you.

Thus, with time, and hopefully with grace, friendships will grow and the family ties will strengthen as we each learn to speak, not in anger, but in a true concern for the each other. Thus today is the day to speak of the hurt, not tomorrow or the next, with tenderness and concern. For there is a hope that those who have long past given up hope, given up love, and given up any idea of a tie might one day come around to realizing what has been lost and seek to restore such. Thus my blessings continue to my family and friends.

Promise Never To Untie
by Hope

The tender words are spoken
Each body and soul bared
Told secrets over endless days
Often doing more than dared

New world beyond my door
With intrigued and intensity
Now we have shared our hearts
A bond now made it permanently

Facing our days made easier
Despite any type of weather
Each other's heart felt deeply
Both happy we stuck together

It took us little time and effort
The bonding as strong as glue
I now promise never to untie
The strings I have tied with you

The understanding of each other
Breaths to take, we breathe the air
As the relationship interchanges
Knowing our loving hearts are there

Now we are never left on the outside
Lovingly enter each others domain
Smiling. laughing and forever teasing
But forever friends we then became.

Puerto Vallarta, Mexico

Obtaining a nice tan hasn't been on my list of intentions, however, it's difficult not to obtain one when you spend every afternoon on the beach. Having come to visit my best friend, Jorge, and his partner, Rick, has been good. Puerto Vallarta is a beautiful city, although it seems to be over ran with tourists. The white sand beaches are ever full of handsome men in skimpy swim suits, which only leads to enjoyment of sitting on the beach every afternoon. But while here I've been thinking about my return to Austin.

While I was in Austin I received some wonderful gifts from a friend and client, Rebecca. Such gifts have allowed me to enjoy my stay here in Puerto Vallarta. The best gift was not the financial ones, but rather the friendship that was shown upon my return and the time spent together. I greatly enjoyed our walk around Town Lake, which was our custom in days before I departed the country. Rebecca had also informed Shannon and several others that I was in town, which allowed me to be able to attend Sam and Carol's birthday party. It was a delight to see everyone after such an absence. I'm beginning to believe in that old adage of 'absence makes the heart grow fonder.'

My stay with my friend Thumper, who opened his apartment to me, was a great chance to get better acquainted with him. He proved to be a great assistant while I attended to two new clients, a great chauffuer, and a good companion.

I'm not sure what life will be like through till May in a large unfurnished house and with no car, but I hope it will give me time to get more progress on my book and to find some time for further relaxation. Even while I've been here in Puerto Vallarta I've been restless, which was the cause of a day long hike down the beach where I discovered some awesome sand scupltures. I was going to get photos but quickly learned that the camera hadn't been placed in the small backpack.

Friends are wonderful people that I couldn't imagen not having in my life, as they provide such great warmth of spirit. I know it's not easy for them to be my friend, but I'm thankful that I have found such friends that work with me through my ongoing struggle with Bi-polar. Thank you to everyone of you for sticking with me through those times when I am blue.

Being Gay should be OK, Shouldn't it?

I received an E-mail from a friend with a link to watch a section of Ellen Degeners' TV show. It was Ellen talking about a recent event of some note, an 8th grader killed a 15 year old boy in California because the boy, Larry King, was gay and had asked the other boy to be his Valentine. Ellen brings up some good issues about the way we talk about people who are gay. She stated that we need to change hate, and we can do it through voting for people who are about change and acceptance. Thus, I encourage anyone reading this to not allow others to talk badly about a person because they are gay, that includes basic jokes. I also encourage you to consider who you are voting for in the next election.

I'm a supporter of Barack Obama because the United States needs major changes. We don't need our troops in Iraq, we don't need to support the elite class and we don't need another reign of the George Bush, Republican nightmare. We do need change. Shouldn't we be more concerned with improving our educational system, our economy, and regaining most of the freedoms that George Bush and the Republicans have taken away?

It's time for CHANGE, it's long over due. What are you doing to change your life, the lives of those around you, and our country? If you're a Christian, then what are you saying, doing, and acting upon that isn't in compliance with the virtues of being "Christ-like? The Bible doesn't say it's OK to hate gay people, it doesn't say it's wrong to be gay, and if you recall, Christ was the one person who always associated with those that the current society deemed unworthy or unclean, he didn't hang out with the preachers of the day or any of the other church types. Thus, think about what it means to truly be a Christian and see how being Christ-like can change the world.



Here are some links taken from Ellen's website but are useful if you want to learn more about various organizations involved with changing how gay people are perceived.

The Trevor Project
The Trevor Project operates the nations only 24/7 crisis & suicide prevention helpline for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth. If you or a friend are feeling lost or alone call The Trevor Helpline. There is hope, there is help. The Trevor Helpline: 866-4-U-TREVOR.

PFLAG -­ Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays
PFLAG promotes the health and well-being of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons, their families and friends through: support, to cope with an adverse society; education, to enlighten an ill-informed public; and advocacy, to end discrimination and to secure equal civil rights. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays provides opportunity for dialogue about sexual orientation and gender identity, and acts to create a society that is healthy and respectful of human diversity.

GLASS - Youth & Family Services
Gay and Lesbian Adolescent Social Services (GLASS) is a private, non-profit 501(c) (3) social service agency dedicated to providing a wide range of social and health care services to children and youth who are in foster care, on probation, or who are homeless. We provide these services in safe, loving, supportive, non-judgmental living environments, while providing full access to all of the educational and vocational opportunities to which these youth are entitled.

GLAAD - Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation
The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) is dedicated to promoting and ensuring fair, accurate and inclusive representation of people and events in the media as a means of eliminating homophobia and discrimination based on gender identity and sexual orientation.

GLSEN - Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network
GLSEN, or the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, is the leading national education organization focused on ensuring safe schools for all students. Established nationally in 1995, GLSEN envisions a world in which every child learns to respect and accept all people, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity/expression. More than 3,800 Gay-Straight Alliance student clubs nationwide have registered with GLSEN. GLSEN also sponsors the National Day of Silence on April 25, which this year will be held in honor of Lawrence King.

Remembering Lawrence
Vigils in memory of Lawrence King, calling for an end to violence and harassment directed at lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people in schools, are being organized in communities across the country. This website lists future and past vigils across the country and allows organizers to register vigils in their area. The more events we organize, the louder our collective voice. Please help make sure that what happened to Lawrence never happens again.