“Don’t be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends.” A quote copied from the book Illusions.
‘Good-bye’ has been part of my whole life. As I grew up I never allowed myself to get too close to anyone or anything because I knew we wouldn’t stay around long enough to allow anyone or anything that deep inside. I found out early on that it hurt to always be leaving. I moved every two years growing up because of my father’s job with International Harvester, now Navistar. I was born in Shreveport, Louisiana at Schumpert Medical Center. I lived with my parents in several little towns around there, including the house my grandfather built my mother next door to their home in Benton. We moved, I’m guessing around age 5, to Orlando, Florida. Two years later a move to Jacksonville, Florida; another two and a move to Greensboro, North Carolina; another two and we thought we were going to South America, but while staying at a hotel in Miami, Florida, my father was told to stay there. So in Miami we stayed. I remember living on that second floor hotel room for months. It was fun, we didn’t have to clean, we had a pool, and there were many places my brother and I could play. I’m sure it was wearing upon my mother because one day she came back and announced she found a place to live – a doublewide mobile home. None of us were excited about this, but soon we greatly enjoyed the community as we lived on a lake, could go fishing, take a boat up to the clubhouse to swim and have fun. There was even an ice cream parlor.
My father had always treated me differently than my older brother or younger sister. I never knew why, so I grew up thinking he didn’t like me. I knew I was different than everyone else in the family as I thought for myself, played a lot, and was very creative and asked a lot of questions. Maybe he just didn’t know what to do with such a special child. I know he did the best he could as he learned to overcome his own rearing. While in Miami I received my worst beating of all. I was doing what I was told, ‘clean the living room’, so I didn’t understand why I was beat. I was taking a cane pole from the living room to my bedroom; my father came up and began yelling at me about playing and not working. This was how my mother taught us to enjoy doing work, have fun with it. Yes, I was dancing down the hall and twirling the cane pole, but I was cleaning. Well, I can tell you that cane poles hurt when they are used to beat upon the flesh of a tender child. It was days later when my brother saw the whelps and bruises as I was getting into the shower. He grabbed me, spun me around and said, ‘did he do this to you?’ I said yes. He pulled me into my mother’s room and spun me around again and said, ‘look what he did to him.’ (My brother was always acting like the daddy and trying to protect us and for me always trying to toughen me up – which I didn’t follow very well.)
Two weeks later while my brother and I were preparing for school my mother entered and announced that she and our father were getting a divorce and asked who we wanted to go live with. Like she had to ask. We went with her. My brother and I were excited to be returning to Louisiana as there we had horses, motorcycles and much more. We loved spending our summers at my grandparent’s farm. Little did I realize then how much it would hurt my mother and what things she would call into her life. I’m sure that she called these things into her life as a self-punishment because she had done something that society and the church said was a no-no – divorced. Today I wish that my mother could realize what she believed back then was incorrect, a lie. She did what was best for her and her children – get away from a child beater, a cheater, and in general a man none of us liked. Mom, if you are reading this, know that I love you. I always have and always will, for it was you who taught me about being myself. Most of the positive traits of my personality came from you. You’re an incredible, caring, loving, supportive, encouraging, gentle, kind, affectionate, inspired, intellectual, spiritual and BEAUTIFUL woman. Thank you for everything you have done to help us find our own Life’s Paths.
We moved back to Louisiana at age 13. I graduated a year ahead of schedule at grade 11. Yeah, I was one of the smart kids. I was supposed to start college the next year, but had to have knee surgery. So my mother gave me some credit cards and said hit the road. So I did. At 17 it was an adventure to travel alone around the United States. I suppose that’s why I enjoy traveling now, recapturing the feelings of happiness from a time long past. I started college the next year. I joined the Air Force at age 21.
In the Air Force I traveled a lot. San Antonio, Texas; Denver, Colorado; Anchorage, Alaska; Cheyenne, Wyoming; Spokane, Washington, Georgia; and a lot of other small trips as I was in high demand for my talents. Just before I was going to end my 4-year tour of duty I was selected from an International competition to do all of the set designs for Mr. Bob Hope’s television special with the Air Force in the year 1987. Talk about WOW!
I met some incredible people, some very talented, some not so nice, and others who loved being around people. Lucille Ball, Bob & Deloris Hope, Emanuel Lewis, Brooke Shields, Barbara Mandrel, Phyllis Diller, and so many others. I was surprised one long, windy day while we were filming by Barbara Mandrel. The wind had been blowing all day and all of us had to help steady the background flats. We had been holding those things up all day and it was getting tiresome. Barbara came back around the sets and started to joke and talk with all of us. She recognized me and walked over to compliment me on the sets. As we talked a big wind gush came along. I groaned as I tried to keep the flats from flying away with it. She put her hands upon my shoulders and gave me a back massage. I’ll remember that day for a long time.
Did you know that all of the staff that worked with Mr. Hope had been with him since he started performing? They were all older gentlemen full of knowledge, kindness and were eager to teach us youngsters. One of them even showed me where to go stand so that every one of the stars would have to talk to me, I did, and they did. I’m laughing loudly as I type this remembering these things.
Even after the Air Force, I had that itch to move every few years, so I did. California, Arizona, Texas, DC, NYC, Louisiana, Texas, Florida, and who knows were all I visited. So you can imagine the number of good-byes I’ve shared over my lifetime. Only recently have some of the many people I’ve met have started to show up again in my life. Ellen, the woman I almost married and often wonder how my life would have been if I had, had been on my mind for a long time. So one day I searched her out. I was glad to talk with her again after all of these years. She finally admitted that it was her that had called to me as she had been curious as to how I was doing and had no way of contacting me. With all the moves, the name change, and not having phones listed under my own name can prevent some from finding me. She’s married now to an older man and has two boys. I felt sorry for her as I sensed that this wasn’t the life she had dreamed she would have. I send her blessings that her husband will find a great job and she may find the things that bring her joy.
Good-bye isn’t so bad. If they are friends, then I know we will meet again either in this life dream or at another point either in time or outside of what we perceive as time. So for now, Good-bye friends. I'll be taking a short break because the laptop is down and I'll be traveling.
Thought for now: Where do you call home? What sketches of your life's dream do you recall? How do you look at those sketches now?
