Recently I read some comments made by someone about prayer and why God didn’t answer the prayers of millions to save a little girl in France. The woman who made the comments appeared to be at a point in her faith where she was questioning the Divine, even to the point of anger, yet I could sense in her wording that she was taught not to be angry with God. She had asked why God would not answer so many prayers about this. The other people who commented on her questions brought up some good points – God doesn’t always answer with a “yes”, sometimes it’s a “no” or even just no answer; God has a reason for why things are allowed to happen; and that it was OK to be angry with God and to even question the Divine.
Passion was something that this woman had, or should I say a strong faith in her God and the power of prayer. Passion is something that can drive us along our path, bring great pleasures, and great tears. To have passion about something is to love it and to pursue it at all costs. I can relate to what this woman was talking about because I sensed in her a loss of passion and faith. Lately I’ve been asking myself, “What is my passion?” It seems that I have lost something to believe in, my faith. I keep reminding myself that I need to find something to believe in again, something to fuel a passion. But what is there to believe in?
Through out our lives we have choices. Sometimes we make the right choices, sometimes the wrong choices. I believe it’s when we are at our lowest point in life and we’re up against the wall that our true selves are shown. We can choose to allow our higher selves to rule and make the right decisions or we can allow our lower selves to rule and make the wrong decisions that lead us further into darkness.
Tonight I watched the new Spiderman movie where he was possessed by darkness, but fought it to find inner peace and to do the right thing. Spiderman’s aunt made a comment to him during a conversation – “I know you will do the right thing, start by forgiving yourself.” Wow! Forgiving ourselves seems to be the key in most things. In finding a way to forgive ourselves, then we can find a way to make things right.
Perhaps my enrollment in Seminary isn’t about me helping others; it might be about me finding something to believe in again, something to fuel my passion, something to brighten my days. I do not know where my decision to enroll in Seminary will lead, but I’m ready to find out what new experiences it will present. We have to have something to believe in or we may find ourselves lost and wandering through a dessert aimlessly. It’s time for my wandering to end and for me to find something to believe in again.
All of this brings me back to the beginning of is it OK to get angry with the Divine and why doesn’t the Divine answer our prayers. In some beliefs people are taught to distance themselves from any outcome of an event or situation. This isn’t to say that they cannot desire and be passionate about something, but rather to understand that things may not work out as we think. By not pushing for one outcome or another, by being distant from any direction, then we are free to accept what is presented, knowing that what is, is meant to be even though we may not understand it fully.
Thus here we are, presented with choices. Do we choose to allow our higher selves to do the right thing or do we allow our lower selves to do the wrong things? I’ve learned over the years that it is easier to allow the lower self to make the wrong decision, but when we can overcome our lowest aspects and allow the higher self to rule then life becomes better. Through allowing the higher self to rule we find that our decisions are then made with our highest good and the highest good of others in mind, thus leading us all to a higher plane of existence.
I choose life, happiness, self-respect, and peace. What choices are you making? What do you believe in today that fuels your passion for life?
