I've begun to date again, but find myself not sure why. I keep telling myself that I want a relationship, but do I really? I looked back and realized I said, "I want to fall in love." The men I've been dating are all good, but not good for me. I have another date on Friday. I'm not sure what I'm doing dating, but maybe one of these men might be the one I'll fall in love with, so I'll keep going out on dates with anyone who asks. Today, I've been feeling all sorts of feelings and re-read a poem I had written some years ago. I cried when I read it. Can I open myself to accept another person into my life? Can I overcome the fears to learn to be real again with another.
Here is the poem I wrote about Love.
Today He Said . . .
Today he said, “I love you.” What do you say to that?
Today he made love to me. What do I say to that?
Today he kissed me passionately.
As I gaze into his eyes I see something wonderful.
I see a man I can love. I’m scared, can I love?
Can I be loved?
I have nothing to offer but myself.
Can he really love me? Is he serious?
What could I say?
I heard him say it, I couldn’t respond.
It was a dream?
Then he said it again, “I love you.”
I love you. Can it be?
Has this man that has captured by attention, my thoughts, and my heart
Really mean what he says?
Tonight I wanted to hold him close. I’m here alone.
I don’t know what to say.
My mind wonders how, why?
When I am with him, I can’t imagine spending any time without him.
Is he serious?
Words are spoken. Can it be?
I haven’t spoken those words, Only once to another.
Can I say it to him?
He consumes me. Do I love him?
All I know is that when he isn’t with me,
I’m sad, alone, thinking of him.
He said, “I love you.” Why am I alone?
I want to hold him close. I want him to be with me.
Can he become a part of my life?
Will he accept me for me?
Does he really love me? Me?
Can I say, “I love you?”
I will know soon.
I have to know why through actions, not words.
Doe’s he love me?
If he loves me, he will show it.
If he does, I will know.
He has heard rumors, unfounded, not true.
He was to call me tonight, But I’m here alone, no call.
Called twice, not there. I’m here alone.
Thinking of him.
Why hasn’t he called me? Why isn’t he here?
I have no answers now, only confusion, fear, doubt.
What is happening?
Why is it that when words are spoken, I loose myself to questions?
I’ve been hurt, afraid to love.
Doe’s he love me? Can he love me?
The ideas of love, What ideas do I have?
Can two fall in love within a few meetings?
Why did he say it? He said, “I love you.” “The balls in your court.”
What do I do now? Love him?
Maybe I do, I’m not sure.
My doubts are clouding my mind. My fears are larger than life now.
I only think of him, can it be?
I hope to know tomorrow. I know what I want, desire.
Love, him, me. He said, “I love you.”
Words, mere words, can it be?
Powerful words indeed. Life changing, door opening, words.
Can it be? He said, “I love you.” I love you, indeed.
I say……..Can I say?
“I love you too!”
I’m not sure. I’m alone, doubtful if he’s sincere.
Afraid if he is. Scared if he is.
Is he sincere? Why isn’t he here?
Why have I been left alone, Doubting, afraid, falling in love.
Yes, I see love for sure. Can it be? Will it be?
He said, “ I love you.” I said, “I love you too.”
Words spoken, now what to do?
Can it be? To be loved by such a man I’ve only dreamed.
Love him? Yes! Love him!
I just don’t want the hurt. I’m afraid it will come.
The past, it has and I’m alone.
He said, “ I love you.”
I whispered, “I love you too!”
Did he hear me?
Was it a dream?
