Playing Solitaire on my computer again, but this time it’s different with a feeling of loneliness, sadness, loss, and thoughts of what could have been invade my mind tonight. “Play Again” the screen displays, one click and then“Exit” or “Try Again” are the options. If only life was this easy.
There are many times I wish I could “Play Again” and then select “Try Again”, but that isn’t the option in life, only a parting wish for a man who longs for something more, always searching, but never finding that place of belonging. Since a child I knew I didn’t belong, perhaps it’s because I was born at the wrong time, a universal accident of sorts, or is it that there were lessons I needed to learn in this life to prepare me for something in another life?
I only hope that the lessons learned in this life will greatly enhance the living in the next life. You may inquire, “What have you learned?” I’d answer simply.
More isn’t always better, money doesn’t make you happy, being a friend means knowing when to forgive and when to just listen, family is something you are born to and they serve a purpose to provide us with a foundation to build upon. Life can be beautiful, it can also be dark. There is something within each of us that longs for some type of connection, that feeling of being part of something more important than ourselves, but there is also a part of us that doesn’t feel that we can ever really achieve such a connection.
Lately, the computer screen is brightly lit during the lonesome dark hours of night as thoughts of what shall be, what is, and what has been pervade my mind. The creativity flows, but only limitedly, mostly because of a fear to dream again, to “Try Again”. However, the dreams are fading along with the brightness in my eyes, the cheer of my heart, and the desire to even try again.
Time is with me now, along with a calling from those who have gone before, as I hear the call to move forward into that universal unknown that many fear, yet I long for it. Perhaps for me it’s the next great adventure? All I know for now is that my time here is drawing to a close, the stage lights are dimming, the curtain call is coming soon. I’m ready.
