A Spiritual Journey and Path

Change, Moving Forward

2010-08-31T11:26:00.003-05:00

Change is the only constant in this physical experience; thus, change has occurred with the move to a new Blog. From this point forward I'll be posting on the new Blog, so please visit it to keep track of the adventures, and please feel free to use this Blog as a reference point to see where I've been along this journey. Thank you for visiting.

The Legal Name Change

2010-07-22T02:34:00.000-05:00

Shortly after my arrival in Austin to visit two clients, a dear friend needed some assistance. There are no accidents and everything happens for a reason, we just have to open our hearts, minds, and eyes to see, and to be open to what may happen. My being in Austin led to being able to assist a dear friend and give her the gift of my time. It was a "win, win" situation as she provided me with a place to rest and a car to drive; and I provided her with assistance until her return.

For the past week I've been assisting my friend and while I had the time here in Austin, I began the process of completing my name change. I had started this process some years ago, but never saw it through. Now, after having my finger prints done, filed the court documents, and saw the judge, I am now legally Sebastian Barrett St.Troy. Today I completed the paper work at the Social Security office, which will also correct my Medicare information. I should have my new cards within a week. Next is to change the Drivers License, various Insurances, and some banks. Today I also managed to complete the paperwork for Regions Bank.

Because of many factors, I've decided to begin celebrating my birthday on the date of my legal name change, afterall it is the date I was born as Sebastian. Therefor, July 20 will be my new birthdate.

The countdown to the next chapter of the Adventure has begun. I'll be departing Austin on the 27th. I've decided to continuously take the first bus out of the station from Dallas and then after that continue with the first bus out that heads either North or in the direction of East or West so I can head to a coast and then up to Canada. Once in Canada, I'll be taking various buses to cross the country to get to the other coast and then back down through the states. I hope to visit many places I have never been to, meet people I wouldn't have normally met, and revive my spirits with the constant energy of change.

I'll be writing about the Adventure and through all of the upcoming events I know that things will be revealed as to where I should be and what I should be doing. The next chapter of the Adventure begins in 6 days, but for now I'm completing all of the things required for the name change and helping my friend.

A Feeling of Peace

2010-07-22T02:33:00.000-05:00

A feeling of peace surrounded my dreams, so I awoke feeling much better today; which was a welcomed aspect compared to the last few days of depression. But I suppose I owed myself the right to feel loss, loss of the people called family, loss of all of my earthly possessions, loss of my beautiful gardens, and loss of my home. The dreams of last night I cannot now recall, however, the feeling that a presence in them told me it was all OK put my mind and body at rest. Excitement is starting to build as I prepare for my new bus adventure around the United States and into Canada. I’ve always wanted to visit Canada, so that is where I’m heading first, especially the Yukon Territories.

For the last four days I‘ve been in pain with my foot, the same foot that had been injured in a fire recently, so I suppose there is some nerve damage now, but I don‘t care to visit a doctor. There are other signs of declining health, so I live with them. So many people seem to treasure life, but that is where I‘m different. I‘m not particularly, and really never have been, fond of this physical existence. I remember as a child walking through the woods looking up and saying, I‘m not supposed to be here. Now as I am older, I ponder the question if this reincarnation was a mistake or if as a child I understood something about how difficult this lifetime would be and didn‘t want to experience it; however, for what it is worth, the experiences gained here have taught me something about letting go, to learn to trust my instincts, to follow my heart, and to live the way I see fit, not doing what others say I should. As when I follow my heart I find peace and excitement, a feeling of joy about the way I live.

Most who know me already say I‘m a bit off, but I take that as a compliment, for being different these days means a lot in a world of so many who all strive to be alike. Being free of restraints provides me the feeling of freedom for being able to live in the moment and decide each second of time what it is I shall do. Perhaps in a previous life I was a nomad, as being on the move seems to be something innate. From a restless mind to a restless body, it seems being in motion is what keeps me going. I think I need the excitement of meeting new people, of experiencing everything I can. I realize that this may be my last adventure, as my health prevents me from doing much and I struggle to move most days, but I keep going. Come what may, I’m ready either way - to continue living this life or to return to the collective Universal consciousness. For now I prepare for the upcoming adventure.

The Adventure Begins

2010-07-22T02:29:00.001-05:00

The adventure started as a means to escape a toxic environment where I was surrounded by people who I should never have been around. Yes, they were the people that most would call family, however, after many years I have come to the conclusion that just because we may be born into a group of people doesn’t mean that we have to remain connected with those same people, especially when there are great differences. I left behind everything, only taking what clothes fit into a backpack. In other countries there are many ways of getting around, however, here in the United States, there are limited options for those without a car. I found that most people in very rural areas have no way of getting into the larger cities nearby; and with the smaller communities failing, it makes it harder for the people to obtain needed services and provisions. I may write later about how I feel about the bad laws and viewpoints of society which limit the lower income, but for now I want to talk about the beginning of the adventure.

Some years ago I experienced many bad things while riding on a Greyhound bus, but after much work I achieved some compensation for my horrible experience. The people at Greyhound promised they would work to improve how things operated, so now I’m going to find out. The adventure began in Shreveport, Louisiana. I’m going to write about my thoughts, experiences and provide creative ideas on how Greyhound could improve both their image and their operations. At some point I hope that the people in Greyhound will learn about and sincerely read this Blog, and hopefully find ways to alter any of the negative aspects found along the adventure.

In Shreveport at 5:30 AM there was a gentleman cleaning up behind the counter. He didn’t notice me walking up to the counter and disappeared for a short moment. Upon his return he greeted me and asked how he could help. I asked how much a ticket to Austin was and he provided the answer. After retrieving the money from an ATM I returned to purchase my ticket. He didn’t ask for identification, only my name as he typed it into the computer. I placed my large bag onto the luggage area as he placed a ticket of some sort onto it. After he provided me my ticket I turned to walk away believing my bag would be taken and then placed on the bus; however, he quickly informed me that I had to take my bag. He never asked if I wanted the travel insurance that Greyhound offers for luggage, and at the moment I had forgotten about it so I didn’t ask. This was one of the points that I had hoped that Greyhound would improve upon, that of informing their customers about the available insurance. The gentleman behind the counter performed his job but lacked any enthusiasm. The next few hours at the bus station proved harsh. The seating in the terminal wasn’t comfortable, there was no place to store my large bag (which meant I had to lug it around with me), the station’s paint was peeling in places and overall wasn’t very clean. The only bright moment was when I purchased a soda and biscuit at the small eatery. The girls were very friendly and helpful. They knew what products they had to offer and the prices. I chatted with the three women while I sat there until a bus arrived and others began to demand their time.

When they began to announce what bus was about to board I was always confused. They would announce the bus number. I wasn’t sure why the bus number was so important, as most people didn’t know what bus number they wanted, they only needed to hear what cities the bus was going to. So perhaps instead of announcing “bus 45732 is now boarding”, they should say, “The bus for Dallas with stops and connections in …. (name the other towns where the bus would stop) … is now boarding.” I finally heard one announcer say the bus for Dallas so I grabbed up my bags and headed out to the bus. I handed off my large bag to a worker who threw it into the storage area. The bus driver took my ticket and thankfully I found a seat without anyone sitting next to me. I curled up and slept. The temperature on the bus was cool and comfortable. Although the trip to Dallas was long, I knew it would be because of the many stops the bus made along the way, I was able to rest.

Upon arrival in Dallas I had to search for my large bag and when I saw it I was able to just pick it up and walk away without anyone verifying that the bag belonged to me. This was another point that I had asked Greyhound to improve, as the current system allowed for just anyone to pick up a bag and walk away with it, which means that if I didn’t get to my bag quickly then it could have walked off with someone else. Perhaps having the luggage handlers check tickets would prevent baggage from being stolen. But then again there might be other better ways of handling baggage. Any ideas?

Tears and Changes

2010-07-11T21:52:00.001-05:00

Tears stream, thoughts swirl, and things change as I sit here contemplating the present, past, and future. Although there are physical changes are happening, there are spiritual ones that reach past this physical being and into that of the Universal Consciousness causing life altering and far reaching alterations, not only for myself, but for those involved in my life. Last night the tears rolled as I began reading “Shambhala, The Scared Path of the Warrior” by Chogyam Trungpa. Many years ago I enjoyed a relationship with a man who followed the Shambhala teachings and I was in awe of the way he lived his life. So now I choose to alter the old ways and thoughts and begin following a new path of excellence. Meditation, reading, learning, growing, changing, reaching and becoming something more than myself is required. Perhaps knowing that positive changes are happening should allow for the enjoyment and celebration of the old as it dies. This is the way of the universe, the circle of life, a beginning and an ending of all things.

Recently someone said that I rushed through things, but I didn’t agree with that statement. Another friend clarified it for me by saying that I didn’t fully enjoy the journey and I was always moving onto the next thing before what was happening presently was finished. I realize they are correct, that I haven’t been fully enjoying the present. Thus, it is time to begin to enjoy each moment as it is without thought of what is to come next. Perhaps learning to live more fully in the moment will allow a greater enjoyment of life; which I can only hope for.

At the moment there are things happening in the universe which I will have to take note of and keep in mind while I await their revealing for my life. Perhaps that is what the tears are about, knowing that something greater than I have known is happening. Let the tears roll, let the changes happen, let the enjoyment of life begin, but now completely as Sebastian Barrett St.Troy.

The gifted Child

2010-03-09T08:22:00.002-06:00

Sensitive, emotional, tender, and alone was the remarkable child from ages past, struggling to find a path through the darkness of life. Brought into this existence through turmoil and pain, both his own and that of those he would call parents. His birth would cause the paths of others to alter, first by his birth and later by the gifts he gives now of his talents. Never feeling that he was part of this world and always questioning why he was here, yet always knowing he lived to bring knowledge into the universal consciousness. There was always the strongest of desires to bring beauty into the world, to create environments around him that brought joy to those who visited.

By accident, or was it destiny, he was placed into various roles, although he never sought them. From being selected as one of the High Schools best art students, receiving special honors; to becoming a leader in the Air Force, elected worldwide to create the set designs for the Bob Hope television special with the Air Force in 1987; and other notable, yet seemingly insignificant roles as Christian leader, business owner, and an inspiration and friend to many, he always seemed different from others and couldn’t find a place or people he could call his own. Wondering through life, always feeling alone, he made his marks upon places and people. Curious to find some connection with others, to discover a way to belong with humanity, and all the while knowing he wasn’t part of what existed currently. There was always the knowledge of another time and place in his heart and mind, which kept him apart from this existence. The roaring 20’s, the time of Kings and magic, the slower pace of a time without technology, and a time yet to be known by others of a future where religion didn’t exist and humanity finally discovered the connectedness with all other living things, including the earth.

Laughter ruled, along with strong visual emotions, and a desire to learn (that ever curious nature to test his hands at anything, just to say he tried it) measured the earlier years. Awkwardness, doubt, and fear governed the beginning years. Friendships reigned during the middle years as other worldly child began to fit into the mainstream of society. With a flair and difference that set him apart, weighted by mistakes of the past, he walked alone and into the darkness that ruled the last years. This ever so bright, gifted and remarkable child grew into the depressed, desensitized and untrusting man of today. It is that man that sits alone in the darkness listening to the sounds of the chimes and writes, hoping to reconnect with that lost child of times so seemingly long ago, almost forgotten. Now longing for the departure from this painful existence, he ponders where that loving child has gone. Have the ravages of time, disappointment, and pain caused such an alteration?

Only now has he begun to remember, remembrance usually only through tears of people, places, and things of the past. Remembering the pain inflicted by others, which caused the child to change, along with the heartbreak caused by selfish acts darkened the brightly colored world. The man of today lives alone within his own creative mind, always escaping into the worlds he designs in order to find the joy of being. With every passing day he retreats finding it harder to feel apart of those around him, all the while desiring to be connected. He awakens every morning questioning why he was not allowed to alter his state of being from physical to pure energy, and this only after sleepless evenings. Complimented by others only deepens the rift between being connected and feeling further distanced. Through the darkness some light still shines, but only when rediscovered by retreating into his imaginary world.

The child of yesterday that held so much promise has faded, yet still reaches for more as the man of today longs for release. Release from the personally assigned chains of being so different, from the unforgiving self of past wrongs, and from the increasing difficulties of the present. Will he be remembered and for what? Perhaps that child followed the path in order to discover something, to learn. Now, only perceived time passes while the man of today awaits to be rejoined with the universal consciousness he always felt part of. Please remember him, not for the darkness that currently overwhelms, but for the loving, tender child with a gift for humanity, that gift of creativity and beauty. Forgive him for the mistakes of the past as he struggles to forgive himself.

Excitement and a zest for enjoying life marked most of the child’s life as he experienced everything he could, learning, growing and eventually releasing the constraining ideology of religion and embracing the love and acceptance of the universal consciousness, which freed him from old ways and brought him into new levels of awareness. Assisting people find ways to alter their environments; he passed the days of the last years. Now, he designs buildings through 3D models, gifting them to others on the web. You see, this child isn’t a stranger, he is me.

The Death of a Dream.

2010-02-18T19:33:00.001-06:00

Dream – noun
1. a succession of images, thoughts, or emotions passing through the mind during sleep.
2. the sleeping state in which this occurs.
3. an object seen in a dream.
4. an involuntary vision occurring to a person when awake.
5. a vision voluntarily indulged in while awake; daydream; reverie.
6. an aspiration; goal; aim:
7. a wild or vain fancy.
8. something of an unreal beauty, charm, or excellence.

Dreaming has been a part of what makes me who I am. When things were bad in life, I would dream. When things were great in life, I would dream bigger. Some might call it fantasy, but for me it’s dreaming. There are many types of people in the world, and I’m one of the dreamers. Dreaming has the potential for beautiful creations, inspiring others, and the ability to take a person into the darkest depths of despair, at least when the dreaming cannot continue.

My creativity is derived from my dreaming of how things can be, or at least how I believe they should be. Wishing harm to others has never been part of the dreaming, only a strong desire to see people accepting each other, believing in something more than themselves, and hoping that life would find a way to achieve some sense of harmony. Lately the dreams are dying, even the desire to dream has faded.

There once was a family that had a lot of fun together, yes, there were plenty of bad moments; however, overall the family seemed to love and care for each other. That is until one fateful day when things changed. Ever since the bomb of my mother’s marriage to my first cousin (a man not related to her, but younger than my older brother) went off, the family has never been able to find a way to overcome all of the problems that the situation caused. Things progressively moved from bad to horrendous. Now, after multiple attempt of reconciliation, the dream of a family has ended; that is at least for me.

I cannot endure the pain and the trouble of hypocritical people that say they are Christians, yet have no understanding of the principles taught by just the mere acknowledging “I am a Christian” means. There are many reasons I left the Baptist church and tossed Christianity away as some misguided attempt of someone to control the masses and as a plaque upon the world; however, when I see those that proclaim daily, “Thank you, Jesus!,” “Bless God!” and many other such sayings living a life so distant from what their words proclaim. Some may wonder why I appear to be so against a religion that so many believe so strongly about, that is easy, they are blind and when asked to explain what it is they believe they have no real answer, only something that has been taught to them without an understanding of what it is they say they believe in. Besides, only Christianity has actively destroyed cultures, civilizations, and sought to rid of the world of anything that, at least according to their bible, wasn’t correct. Yet, if only they really understood their bible and what it taught, then they would understand they have all been wrong; mainly because they haven’t lived what it teaches.

The time is over for chances to reconcile, now is the time to move forward and let those of the past remain in the past. The name change that was put off for so long is the new dream, as there is no desire to ever be called by the same name of the women who used to be called mother. The new name, one I’ve used legally for years, will now be the only name; the family name forgotten. Now the time for personal healing is to begin with the release of what caused so much pain.

The dream has died, along with so many others associated with it. The death of this dream might just be the death of it all, as there is no desire to keep going, only the desire for it all to end. There isn’t even the desire to try traveling again. It seems that the death of one dream has made the rest of them disappear forever. Even the idea, that anyone other than my father, might benefit from all of the things I have paid for, worked for, or have enjoyed causes such anger that I fear what a Bi-polar depression might bring about. Only the thoughts of how to remove everything from here, even if it means that at some point it all just goes away. I would prefer to see a stranger benefit than anyone of my family.

Some might see the anger and suggest that I resolve it, however, I believe I shall retain the anger, as for now it is what is giving me the strength and encouragement to do the things that are required now. Beginning with determining where I am going to live, that is if I don’t just pack it all in and set off again to travel. For now, only the mourning for a dream, that shouldn’t have been allowed to exist, dies. Something, that perhaps may be the death of everything.

The Place I call HOME

2010-02-01T09:56:00.002-06:00

From as far back as I can remember I have always held one place deeply in my heart, the farm that my grandparents owned. It was where I spent my summers and vacations riding my horses; raising my water fowl, chickens and dogs; spent time with my grandmother gardening; and where I always came when I needed to think and recover from the harsh unrealistic world outside.

From the age of 15 I lived here with my grandmother, because my mother married my first cousin on my father's side of the family. After many struggles I left my mother's home and greatly enjoyed living here on the farm. It is very peaceful here, quit, and used to be full of magic; that is until my mother who stole the farm from my grandmother had the property clear cut, which sent the magic away. Over the last 15 years my mother has allowed her husband to destroy the beauty and magic of this place, much to my dismay.

I would have lived here most of my life, however, my mother moved here after stealing it from grandmother and neither grandmother or myself wanted to live here with her and her husband. My mind wonders what my life would have been like if I could have lived here peacefully over the years and what differences there would have been.

Now, while I was in Austin working, my father called me to ask if I knew what my mother was doing. I didn't have any idea, but quickly learned from him that my mother had listed the farm for sale. Yes, I did call her immediately, very angry. Being angry means that you actually love something and have a passion for it. After trying calmly to inquire what she was doing, the anger jumped into full force. From this moment forward I have no mother, as she hasn't been my real mother for over 20 years now, ever since she married "it" - that's what I call him, her husband, because he is a real piece of shit.

Upon my return to Louisiana, I quickly filed a lien against the property and am now filing a lawsuit against her to save the family farm. As I look out my cabin window onto the peaceful waters of the pond, across into the new regrowing forest, I find it impossible to believe that one day another person could own what I see beyond the pond.

Last Friday, when the light of the full moon shown through the darkness of the clouds, at the stroke of midnight, I walked to the black top road where our gravel road begins and cast a protective spell for the family farm. A line from sacred salt was placed across the driveway and to each of the corner posts of the property. While placing the protective salt line I asked the spirits to protect the farm from any person outside of the family from coming onto the property for the purpose of buying it, to save the one place I call home. After this was accomplished I cast another spell to have my mother's husband removed from the property forever.

Over the last few days I have searched my soul to see why I care so much about this place, if I should try to save it (a promise I made to my grandmother), and what I should do - let it all go and move away, stay and fight for it all, or continue to stay here.

The fight begins, and with the writing of these my thoughts, I ask the universe, the spirits, the angels, the faeries, the animals, and the spirits of ancestors past to assist me in protecting the one place I have ever called home.

My mother has always held this place because of selfish motives, not out of a love for the place, she has destroyed it. I know that I can restore the simple splendor of the place, the magic, the beauty, but only if I can gain the deed for the property. My intentions are not to own it myself, but to put the property into a trust, so it will be preserved for future generations to enjoy. Dad and I have been working on ideas of how we can make the farm prosper and pay for itself and one day the property will be protected. The one place I have ever called home will be given to the one person who loves it, who will protect it, who will make it beautiful again.

For now, I struggle with my thoughts and feelings about what I love, and now the mother that I will forever more have nothing to do with, for she has shown her real self, a person I desire no dealings with, except for one - her signing over the property. So good bye to her and her husband and hello to being able to restore and save the place I call home.

Success with haunted thoughts.

2010-01-06T23:49:00.000-06:00

Questions, thoughts, regrets, amazing accomplishments reigned in the past, but now only a lingering desire remain. Growing up wasn’t an easy experience, as I always knew I was extremely different from the other members of my family. Throughout elementary, middle and high school every day was a confirmation of just how different I was, not only from my family, but from just about everyone. It seemed that I lived in a different world, thought differently, acted differently, believed differently, and all the while wondering where did I fit in? During the younger days I just lived life, enjoyed dancing, socializing, and of course way too much romancing. Then things just fell into place, as I wasn’t actively trying to accomplish anything, but there the awards and kudos were. I remember the torturous days of work as we created the sets for the 1987 Bob Hope Flying High Birthday Extravaganza. We worked almost 20 hours a day doing all of the painting, designing, and building. It was all worth it when I met the most incredible man one night when I took a break and went out in San Antonio.

I couldn’t believe this incredible looking man standing in front of me in all white linen, the lines of his ripped muscles elegantly draped, was actually asking me to dance. It was an ego boost for sure, but then he was added to the many others who served just that same purpose. Always desiring to be loved, but never feeling that I could be or even able to return such love only led to being alone. Over the years there were many wonderful men, and as I think about them now I wish I could have done some things differently. Thank you to all of you, the men in my life. Life, it’s that thing that happens while we live.

Living was something I enjoyed, yet because of the feelings of being so different and never feeling that I belonged, the thought of not being here haunted my ever dreaming mind. Now that same haunt is torn by the desire to please the clients who have become such incredible friends. The pull of starting, building, and getting the nursery going has devastated my being to a point that the old haunted thoughts grow ever stronger. It’s ironic in many ways that the one place I ever called home is the one place that now causes so much pain. Growing up here on the farm wasn’t something that brought great joy as I felt I belonged here and my grandmother’s love, support and encouragement fostered a love of gardening, of being myself, and of this place.

The farm has changed, but not for the better. Over the years after my mother forced my grandmother to sign over the land, my mother has allowed her husband to basically trash the farm, filling it with rubbish of old tractors, odds and ends from truck parts, old cars, and together they have treated the land with ill intent. It’s sad for me to be here and see how it has become, especially when I work so hard to improve the few acres where I call home now (not even my own land, but my sister’s, and she nor her family care anything about the land.). My love of this place far exceeds that of any of the others, and I suppose that is why they withhold it from me.

The undesired success of youth is now only a memory while the new desires to build a successful business strain every fiber of my being. Is this what other entrepreneurs go through? The struggle of giving up so much in order to purchase materials, pay the bills and keep the business going. I know from having many other businesses over the years that there are times that making it all work is a struggle, but in the past there always seemed to be some energy behind everything making the success. Now it seems the energy is gone, or is it? I see it when I see my father working with me in the garden or greenhouse, I see it in the continued support of clients, and I see it when everything seems dim a light shines to show the way. Now the struggle is to determine to stay or go, because those haunted thoughts keep raging stronger with each passing day. I know at some point I will welcome the next level of energy (as some of you call death) as I know it is where I belong, back into the universal consciousness with hopes of returning to a world that makes sense. For now, there are the clients who so appreciate my work that I keep going, because it seems that through it all I did find a place to belong, but on my own terms, being who I am – Sebastian or Lynn – maybe that’s why I’m always torn. But alas, I am both men, now with a lingering desire to know love.

Lazy L Nursery's new Blog

2009-12-13T16:41:00.002-06:00

Over a year ago, shortly after having to reside in Louisiana, I decided to turn my hobby of growing plants into a small business. With my father and sister as partners, we created Lazy L Nursery, LLC. It all began in a small 10' x 20' hobby greenhouse and is now expanding into the 30' x 96' greenhouse. Our first year was a bit slow, however, we were able to get hundreds of perennials started for future use. Most perennials take upwards to over two years before they will be ready for sale, however, most of ours were producing flowers their first year.

The name came from what my grandmother always said she wanted to call the farm - Lazy L - the L represents my grandmother's last name of Lee, not my name of Lynn.

This is our second Winter and the big greenhouse is still under construction so we are using the new 8' x 12' hobby greenhouse (the other one was destroyed in a tornado.) and just constructed a temporary 10' x 20' structure to house all of the plants we are growing for an Austin client.

If you'd like to learn more about the nursery, what we're growing, and how we grow it then please check out the new Lazy L Nursery Blog.

Broken People

2009-08-31T21:18:00.002-05:00

Lonely, exhausted, troubled, scared, and broken they are as they meander haplessly through what others call life, yet they journey alone. Broken from not being able to move past their own mistakes, from being hurt too many times by others, and from not being able to believe or trust in anything or anyone. They are all around. You can barely notice them because they don't want to be noticed any longer, yearning to disappear into the nothingness. They long for something else, but are always believing, "no one will notice me, I'm not needed here."

What has happened in our society that has caused so many broken people? Maybe being modern has caused people to loose touch with the need for human companionship, hasn't taught people how to effectively relate with others, and has caused people to question what is important or right.

It's time for a revolution! I watch and listen and see that the people are tired of a government that doesn't operate in a manner that protects it's people or even cares about them. I see a world that has lost touch with humanity, caring, and love. Is it time for a revolution? Yes! Maybe through a compassionate approach there is hope to obtaining a government that operates for the people, not big business; that some how there can be a reconnection of the people and they can learn the importance of other humans; and with hope people can learn that our modern day things are only tools, not a way to escape being human.

"Play Again"

2009-08-20T02:15:00.002-05:00

Playing Solitaire on my computer again, but this time it’s different with a feeling of loneliness, sadness, loss, and thoughts of what could have been invade my mind tonight. “Play Again” the screen displays, one click and then“Exit” or “Try Again” are the options. If only life was this easy.

There are many times I wish I could “Play Again” and then select “Try Again”, but that isn’t the option in life, only a parting wish for a man who longs for something more, always searching, but never finding that place of belonging. Since a child I knew I didn’t belong, perhaps it’s because I was born at the wrong time, a universal accident of sorts, or is it that there were lessons I needed to learn in this life to prepare me for something in another life?

I only hope that the lessons learned in this life will greatly enhance the living in the next life. You may inquire, “What have you learned?” I’d answer simply.

More isn’t always better, money doesn’t make you happy, being a friend means knowing when to forgive and when to just listen, family is something you are born to and they serve a purpose to provide us with a foundation to build upon. Life can be beautiful, it can also be dark. There is something within each of us that longs for some type of connection, that feeling of being part of something more important than ourselves, but there is also a part of us that doesn’t feel that we can ever really achieve such a connection.

Lately, the computer screen is brightly lit during the lonesome dark hours of night as thoughts of what shall be, what is, and what has been pervade my mind. The creativity flows, but only limitedly, mostly because of a fear to dream again, to “Try Again”. However, the dreams are fading along with the brightness in my eyes, the cheer of my heart, and the desire to even try again.

Time is with me now, along with a calling from those who have gone before, as I hear the call to move forward into that universal unknown that many fear, yet I long for it. Perhaps for me it’s the next great adventure? All I know for now is that my time here is drawing to a close, the stage lights are dimming, the curtain call is coming soon. I’m ready.

Names and Numerology

2009-06-16T20:15:00.002-05:00

Ever since I can remember I have been dwelling in the unknown, those aspects of life that most don't consider as a reality. However, I believe strongly that the forces that are not seen are very strong in our lives and affect who we are, what we do, and how we progress in life. Thus, I thought I would share some numerology reports as they relate to my various companies and myself, but please keep in mind that these are purely based upon the letters of the words, and not the very effective dates of birth.

StTroy Consulting and Design - My Austin based business.

Expression: 112 / 4
You are the builder of the world. With your organized, efficient approach everything gets done right the first time. You emanate security and would sacrifice your own desires for your family and anyone or anything else that you considered a responsibility. You have a relentless eye for value and quality and you have the patience and determination to work for it.

Soul Urge: 46 / 10 / 1
You are the essence of individuality and independence. You are intense and convicted when it comes to defending your beliefs, as you never doubt your inner strength and ability to handle any challenge. Many are inspired by your confidence, while others may feel irritated and view it as arrogance. You are likely to attract people and situations that allow you to express this part of yourself or else they will mirror these traits back to you.

Personality: 66 / 12 / 3
There seems to be a golden glow of optimism and joy around you wherever you go. You are witty and playful, and your idealistic nature irresistibly draws the little child out of everyone you meet. Ever creative and interesting to talk to, you are never long without people to cluster around your radiance. You enjoy dressing up and are very creative with accessories. You've got a style all your own, even if you don't follow fashion.

Lazy L Nursery LLC - my Louisiana based business.

Expression: 70 / 7
Yours is the path of the mind. Silence and solitude are your doorways into the deep recesses of the mind and the universe. You are the philosopher, the analyst, the seeker and if you'd be willing, the teacher. The time and energy that you spend discovering the microscopic core of things has gifted you with the ability to tap into psychic energy. It is with this energy that you can separate the true from the false.

Soul Urge: 23 / 5
Variety is what drives you. For this reason travel, the arts, education and self expression are areas where you are likely to be found. Freedom to choose, to move about without limitation, to absorb information and to observe life are imperative to your inner health and happiness. You crave stimulation and may be drawn to exhilarating adventures and death-defying sports. Your sensual nature will lead the way.

Personality: 47 / 11 / 2
You have a very neat, composed appearance to the outside world. Peaceful and unobtrusive, you are the one people go to for companionship and harmony. You seem to have a quiet, non-judgmental wisdom which attracts those needing advise and an objective point of view. Your ability to see both sides of a situation makes you appear indecisive.

And finally, myself and my two names:

Sebastian St.Troy - my assumed name

Expression: 54 / 9
You have a vision of a perfect world. Forgiveness, Love and altruism are the path you walk. You are the idealist, and you do everything in your power to live up to your ideals in order to be a good example for others to follow. Inside, you know that you will be imitated, so you are extremely aware of your every "imperfection". Letting go of people and places when you have fulfilled your role with them is an important lesson for you. There are many that need to be touched by your wisdom.

Soul Urge: 29 / 11 / 2
Peace and harmony is your desire. You are a natural mediator as you are genuine, tactful and adaptable. You tend to put your own will aside for others and it is difficult for you to make decisions. This may cause others to see you as shy, or lacking confidence. Your sensitivity and gentleness can be a great healing force bringing harmony and support to others.

Personality: 25 / 7
There is an air of mystery and secrecy about you. You are poised and sophisticated, and prefer to dress in a clean, well-groomed and understated way. You seem unapproachable to others because of your introspective and analytical temperament. You are the philosophical loner, the probing seeker, and only those of like-mind really understand.

Jimmy Lynn Boney - My birth name.

Expression: 70 / 7
Yours is the path of the mind. Silence and solitude are your doorways into the deep recesses of the mind and the universe. You are the philosopher, the analyst, the seeker and if you'd be willing, the teacher. The time and energy that you spend discovering the microscopic core of things has gifted you with the ability to tap into psychic energy. It is with this energy that you can separate the true from the false.

Soul Urge: 34 / 7
You are a philosopher by nature. Inside, you are calm shy and reserved, preferring to live alone in your own perfect world of thoughts and intuitive analysis of life's deeper mysteries. You experience irritation and upset in noisy or chaotic environments, as your hearing is more sensitive than most peoples. You have a good ear for music and are probably drawn to complex and meditative melodies.

Personality: 36 / 9
People seem to be drawn to you for absolution. You emanate forgiveness, compassion and understanding. Your charming and generous personality brings you love and good luck in abundance. Many people will be attracted to you because of your idealistic and romantic nature. Others will be transformed by your example. You express yourself in the way you dress, and it can range from dramatically bold to mystically romantic to "struggling artist".

The "I Ching" and Questions

2009-04-24T23:53:00.002-05:00

Today I've been feeling some very strong, old emotions that I've been suppressing for a very long time. I've cried, felt very sad, felt blessed, remembered the good times of the past, and am filled with hope for the future. There was a time when I didn't even want a future, but something within me has changed. I now want to achieve success, to build something greater than myself, and to bring my family back together.

After seeing my Holographic Repatterner, Lauren, I now say, "I take the risks to go for what is most important to me." every day as something to help guide me in my decisions, and I suppose to help me determine what things are the most important to me. My family, my friends, my two businesses, and my two homes are very important to me, and in that order. I'm blessed beyond compare with a loving family, awesome friends, and incredible places to live and work. It's not I, but the Divine (or Universal Consciousness) that has blessed me, yes, you might say I'm talented, but that talent was a gift as well.

I'm learning how to use my gifts to guide, teach, and build something for the future. A future I'm now looking forward to, which is a strong contrast to how I felt this time last year.

Tonight I cast the "I Ching" to see what was guiding me in some areas and here is what it said:

The answer to your question, "Will St.Troy Consulting have an income over $3000 per month?" is:

57. Sun - The Gentle (The Penetrating, Wind)

        -----
       -----     above     Sun    The Gentle, Wind
       -- --
       -----
       -----     below     Sun    The Gentle, Wind
       -- --

  The Judgement
       The Gentle. Success through what is small.
       It furthers one to have somewhere to go.
       It furthers one to see the great man.

  The Image
       Winds following one upon the other:
       The image of the Gently Penetrating.
       Thus the superior man
       Spreads his commands abroad
       And carries out his undertakings.

The answer to your question, "What is causing the strong emotions I'm feeling today?" is:

42. I - Increase

-----
----- above Sun The Gentle, Wind
-- --
-- --
-- -- below Chên The Arousing, Thunder
-----

The Judgement
Increase. It furthers one
To undertake something.
It furthers one to cross the great water.

The Image
Wind and thunder: the image of Increase.
Thus the superior man:
If he sees good, he imitates it;
If he has faults, he rids himself of them.

What does all of this mean? It means that I have the opportunity to do much this year and that I'm growing, increasing, learning, and becoming the person I've been meant to become. I like the new me and seek to find ways of achieving even more and am encouraged by the possibilities of the morrow.

Thought for the day: Do you like who you are at this very moment?

The Turtle

2009-03-26T23:23:00.002-05:00

Today, while I was doing chores around the farm, I ran across two turtles walking across my path. I amazed at their size and how far they were from the pond. They kept staring at me but didn't hide away in their shells. I knew they must have a message for me, so I had to look it up. I have to admit, that this message hit home today. Here is the message from the turtle:

Turtle is the oldest symbol for the Earth.
It is the personification of goddess energy and the eternal Earth itself.

If you have a Turtle totem,
you must be mindful of returning to the Earth what she has given you.
Honor the creative source within you.
Use water and earth energies to create a harmonious flow in your life.
Ask the Earth for assistance and her riches will pour forth.

If a Turtle totem shows up in your life,
slow down the pace of your life.
Bigger, stronger, faster are not always the best ways to reach your goals.

Turtle is fine teacher of the art of grounding.
When you learn to ground yourself to Earth's power and strength,
you place focus on your thoughts and actions
and use the Earth's limitless energies rather than your own to accomplish your will.

Turtle is the keeper of doors
and one of the ways into the Faerie Realm.

Yes, grounding myself, slowing down, connecting with Earth's power, focusing my thoughts are important to me. Since I've been asking the Universe to open some doors lately, see the post about the Raven where I asked the Raven to carry my dreams out into the universe, then I'm not surprised that the turtles were here to help me open the doors, and I'm excited about the doors into the Faerie Realm, as there is wonderful magic there that frees the mind, lifts the spirits, and brings wonder to thoughts and beliefs.

Advancing Credentials in Australia

2009-03-25T20:56:00.002-05:00

As the years have passed, as I have seen how my work has assisted people, and since I'm stepping out into new business ventures and expanding old ones, I've decided to expand my learning. Master Feng, a descendant of the Founding Father of Feng Shui – King Wen, is holding a Feng Shui practitioner training in Sydney, Australia. He is only holding the trainings in Australia this year, so I have to request that the Universe allow me the opportunity to make this trip.

Since I have never been to Australia, but have always wanted to visit, I've decided to set intentions to save funds and work extra hard to make this trip. I have set aside a few weeks for the trip so I can explore some of the beautiful Australian Outback and wonders of Sydney.

The course, with the Out of Country Savings is $2,988.
The round trip airfare is $1,500.
Hotel in Sydney for the training is $700.
Spending money for the rest of the trip is $3,500.
Total: $8,988.

Thus, I'm thanking the Universe for bringing me the clients to fund this additional training and adventure in late October through the end of November. I trust that by setting this intention here that I'll be reminded to set other intentions to support this one. Now, to get to work and save enough money to fund this trip and education.

The Raven's Magic

2009-03-14T02:25:00.000-05:00

According to Jamie Sams and David Carson, in their excellent book Medicine Cards (which accompanies a beautiful deck of animal cards), Raven's medicine is magic. She is the Great Mystery of the Void.

Black, to Native Americans, is a color of magical power, and only to be feared if misused. Raven symbolizes the void - the mystery of that which is not yet formed. Ravens are symbolic of the Black Hole in Space, which draws in all energy toward itself and releases it in new forms. The iridescent blue and green that can be seen in the glossy black feathers of the raven represents the constant change of forms and shapes that emerge from the vast blackness of the void. In Native American tradition, Raven is the guardian of both ceremonial magic and healing circles. She is also the patron of smoke signals.

Raven's element is air, and she is a messenger spirit, which Native American shamans use to project their magic over great distances.

Views, not opinions

2009-03-13T18:00:00.004-05:00

Believing that living in a space that lifts your spirits, that allows you to find relaxation, and that brings you closer to the natural environment is important, I wanted to share some of the views from the spaces where I reside. The first few photos are from the Cabin in Louisiana and the last view is from the house in Austin.

This is the view from my cabin out North. You can see the Wealth Garden that is being constructed using an old satellite dish. In the future this garden area will have some flowering trees and a lot of natural flowers.

This is the big window view out onto the lake. It also shows the new palm tree. In the future there will be an arbored patio area off of this window which will allow me to sit outside by the lake.

This view is out from my bathroom onto the back yard. My dog's large run is out there, along with the back patio area.

This is the view from the roof top patio at the Austin home. Kendree Custom Homes built the house and Shannon Schmitz, a Turnquist Partners Realtor, arranged for me to get this awesome home.

Growing a Business

2009-03-12T00:25:00.002-05:00

Now that the universe has prepared a place for me in Austin, my business is growing, and I have the opportunity to create the life I desire I have to find new and creative ways of growing my business - St.Troy Consulting & Design. I have been providing Feng Shui consults for home owners, businesses, and Realtors (through Listing Consults where we prepare the home for market) for years now. The opportunities are growing now in Austin for my business talents and I have to find ways to fund new aspects.

The biggest aspect I am now asking the universe to bring about is assistance in funding the new Staging Rentals service. In order to be able to reach my target audience in Austin I need to purchase around $30,000 in furniture so it will be on hand to rent to clients for staging homes. I am looking for either one investor or several investors with either the cash or the credit to finance the purchase of the upscale furniture, accessories, artwork, and other items needed for this new service.

I know that my new service will do very well, because I have researched and know my competition. I already have the client base to support the new service and the contacts to further it. Now to have the universe bring about the needs for this service. I'm open to any opportunity that the universe may bring concerning this, so I'll keep my eyes, ears, and heart open to what is out there.

If you know of anyone who might be interested in partnering with me to build this new service for my company, please let me know. The question now is, "How to move forward without fear, trusting that the universe will bring things about, and believing that this is the place I am to be?"

Finding a Balance

2009-03-12T00:05:00.002-05:00

Over the last few months I've discovered that there has to be a balance between family, work, and social lives. After being separated from my family for a while it was difficult integrating back into the family structure. Over the years I have changed, grown, and become so different from my family that merging back into my family presents challenges. Now with the new house in Austin, I have to find ways of balancing my time between Austin and Plain Dealing.

I need to be in Austin to earn an income, visit clients, and hang out with my friends. In Plain Dealing I only have my family, which I enjoy being with, but at times believe that I am in the role of parent for all of them because I feel that if I don't provide directions, guidance and instructions then things wouldn't progress or change here. Loving people presents challenges on its own level, but when it's family, it's even harder. Having a strong desire to see them grow and become the responsible people I know they can be, have them realize the importance of actively teaching their children, and hoping that they begin to become more aware of what is going on around them. I will have to trust that the universe will bring them to where they need to be when they need to be there.

I know that the universe is presenting the opportunities for me now in Austin, so I have to do what I need to do for me. That includes spending more time in Austin. Hopefully by spending more time in Austin then I will begin to enjoy my time in Louisiana even more. Then there is the question of the Nursery. It's something I desire, but at the same time realize that in order for it to succeed then I have to work in Austin. It will be up to my family to take responsibility here and take care of things while I'm gone.

I hope during these changes that my family will grow, that they will understand why I need to take care of myself and the one business that is generating income, and how these changes will help us all grow together. I trust that the universe will bring the best together for all of us. Blessings, and ask yourself, "Where am I to be today?"

The Burden of Life.

2009-02-18T01:41:00.003-06:00

Lately I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed, out of sorts, unconnected, and troubled. Most of my life the universe has seen fit to bring people to me for guidance, yet most of the time I cannot seem to guide my own self. It seems I can lead others, provide them good advice, and support them so they can find their own paths in this life. Since a child I have felt alone, even when surrounded by people I know who care. I rarely recall a time that I have really wanted to be in this physical realm, however, here I am. "Why am I here? "Why do I feel so alone?" "What am I supposed to be doing?" "How can I help anyone?" These are all questions that I ask frequently, yet there is not direct response.

Having responsibility laid upon my shoulders is something I have fought against most of my life, so perhaps it is something I'm here to resolve, embrace, and accept, if not for this life, then in preparation for what is to come. At every turn in my life, even when I try to run away, the universe brings responsibility back to me. Currently I've realized that I have the responsibility to work in Austin so I can make money to support the new plant nursery, that I'm the one person who can make the plant nursery a success (as without me no one here would know what to do, how to grow the plants, etc.), and that apparently I've been placed here to guide my family.

I see some wonderful aspects of my family, like a sister with a big heart and a strong desire to be something more than she allows herself to be, a father who can laugh and play even while working hard, a mother with enthusiasm for everything, a niece who is loving and capable of so much. Then I see me, not as the world sees me, but I see the failure, the troubled mind, the worried thoughts, and the fear of being the one in charge. How do I find a way to guide my family, assist my clients, and make a plant nursery a success weights heavily upon my mind. "Did I find the correct ways to alter the energies of a home for a client?" "How do I get enough plants growing on my current limited budget?" "Why is it up to me to guide my family?" Such questions of my self are the norm.

As I sit here late into the early morning, as I'm not able to sleep, I listen to the sounds of the forest and lake outside. They calm my senses and mind, and yet there is such a yearning to go outside and be there with them, to become part of them, to be as free as they appear. I haven't been meditating, which is something I have to start doing again, I haven't been developing my spiritual aspects, and I haven't been doing so much more. I can see as I type this that I've become so overwhelmed with what is happening around me that I have neglected myself.

Tonight as I sat earlier just reading a magazine I noticed a small frog hopping on the floor by my feet. I couldn't imagine a frog in the cabin, so I got up and found him, caught him and put him outside where he belonged. However, I did have to see what message he brought to me and here it is (from www.Linsdomain.com):

Frog represents Transformation
The frog is the totem of metamorphosis.
It symbolizes coming into your personal power.
It reminds us not to become bogged down with day-to-day living.
It is the totem of water.
Its voice calls forth the rains.
Emotions are associated with water and
a frog totem may be telling you to get in touch with your feelings.
People with frog medicine give support and energywhere it is needed.
They can cleanse the negativity from an environment.

So I suppose the message from the friendly little frog is that I should connect with my feelings, return to my roots of being able to go with the flow, to not allow the day-to-day activities to weight me down, to realize my own personal power, and to understand that I am here to remove negative energy from the environment of myself, my family, and my clients.

I know I am very gifted in ways others might not understand, connected to the universe in ways that even I don't understand, and that I have helped many people. Can I acknowledge this personal power, accept it, embrace it, and learn to stay centered in the storm of life? Only time will tell.

What's happening?

2008-12-19T09:10:00.003-06:00

Lately, I've been laid up in bed with either a pain in my side or diarrhea. It's been raining a lot. During the last few weeks I've had plenty of time to think about things. The things that weight heavy upon my mind are:

What is happening with the United States and when are the citizens going to demand a revolution in our government or are they just going to let it be and allow all of the corruption, taxes, and government bureaucracy?

What can I do to make my mother understand the importance of making sure the family property is left to the family and not to her husband?

How do I establish a business that can survive us all well into future generations that will own and manage the family property, that can find ways of generating income from the property without raping it of its resources, and that can protect the family's interests.

Will I ever finish the cabin, as there is still so much left to do?

Will my sister and her family be able to learn to take better care of themselves and their finances, and their property?

I've been longing to travel again and I'm not sure if I will be able to afford to go any where, as I'm spending most of my disability income on building the cabin and buying stuff for the new nursery. I suppose I can just enjoy watching the Travel Channel and dreaming that I'm there.

I spent most of last night researching various business structures and which would be the best for our family, and then finding examples of Operating Agreements, finding out how to file such businesses with the State, what the fees are for filing, and after about 8 hours have finally put together the type of business structure and am now starting to put together the Operating Agreement, the Business Plan, and beginning to discuss it with the family. I've found an Operating Agreement for a Limited Liability Company that will allow the business to operate well into the future with transfers of ownership. I still have to find ways to write into the Deed some restrictions of use for the property so it's protected and managed and not misused and abused.

The nursery will be owned and operated by the LLC and is coming along nicely. We now have a 2' x 20' Hothouse, a 10' x 20' Greenhouse, and a 30' x 96' Greenhouse (this one was recently bought and dad and I are waiting on the rains to stop to go start disassembling it and moving it to the farm and set it up again.). The small greenhouse is just about full, so I'm trying to find ways of arranging the plants to fit more stuff inside. We have seeds started of all sorts and next month I will order some vegetable seeds so we can start those and have them ready for sale in early Spring. The flowers are started and cuttings being made to make more are rooting. We're going to be making creative planters with a combination of plants, growing some interesting flowers not common in our area, and I'm going to try to make some potted bamboo creations where the bamboo is trained into some funny ways. Dad bought a used tractor and a trailer, so now we have two trucks and two trailers to load up and drive around selling plants. My niece and dad have been helping out in the greenhouse and learning how to do things.

My new dog, called Perro (Spanish for dog), is a mixed breed that showed up at the house and won't leave. He's become a great companion and I have to get him and P3, my cat, to the vet soon for shots and spaying and neutering.

I was able to get a new front door, a fancy glass one with the blinds inside the glass, yesterday at Lowe's, along with some other things to work on the cabin. I have to finish hanging some sheet rock and then clean everything out of the cabin to start taping and floating it. The next item will be to get the shower and the on-demand hot water heater bought and installed. After that will be buying the trim pieces for the windows and doors, installing those, painting everything, and then buying and installing the rest of the flooring. Hopefully by the time it warms up some I'll be finished inside and can begin painting the exterior, putting up the skirting, planting the gardens around the cabin, installing walkways.

There are other things that require attention around my sister's home and the greenhouses, such as finishing the circular driveway, cutting down some diseased trees, tilling up the new vegetable garden, completing the Wealth Garden, clearing around the pond, buring the many stumps, raking the leaves, trimming the trees, fixing the road, and so much more. It's frustrating sometimes because I feel like I'm the only one, other than dad, that is even concerned about getting all of these things taken care of, as I believe my sister and her family just aren't concerned about doing what is needed to take care of things. I hope after they resolve their health issues that they will become more active in taking care of things.

My hopes are that in time things will get better both for our family and the country, but for now I'm preparing for the worst. What's happening, I can only answer some of my many questions, can you help me answer the others?

Treasury Bailout Bill Proposal

2008-09-29T09:45:00.003-05:00

LEGISLATIVE PROPOSAL FOR TREASURY AUTHORITY TO PURCHASE MORTGAGE-RELATED ASSETS

Section 1. Short Title.

This Act may be cited as ____________________.

Sec. 2. Purchases of Mortgage-Related Assets.

(a) Authority to Purchase.--The Secretary is authorized to purchase, and to make and fund commitments to purchase, on such terms and conditions as determined by the Secretary, mortgage-related assets from any financial institution having its headquarters in the United States.

(b) Necessary Actions.--The Secretary is authorized to take such actions as the Secretary deems necessary to carry out the authorities in this Act, including, without limitation:

(1) appointing such employees as may be required to carry out the authorities in this Act and defining their duties;

(2) entering into contracts, including contracts for services authorized by section 3109 of title 5, United States Code, without regard to any other provision of law regarding public contracts;

(3) designating financial institutions as financial agents of the Government, and they shall perform all such reasonable duties related to this Act as financial agents of the Government as may be required of them;

(4) establishing vehicles that are authorized, subject to supervision by the Secretary, to purchase mortgage-related assets and issue obligations; and

(5) issuing such regulations and other guidance as may be necessary or appropriate to define terms or carry out the authorities of this Act.

Sec. 3. Considerations.

In exercising the authorities granted in this Act, the Secretary shall take into consideration means for--

(1) providing stability or preventing disruption to the financial markets or banking system; and

(2) protecting the taxpayer.

Sec. 4. Reports to Congress.

Within three months of the first exercise of the authority granted in section 2(a), and semiannually thereafter, the Secretary shall report to the Committees on the Budget, Financial Services, and Ways and Means of the House of Representatives and the Committees on the Budget, Finance, and Banking, Housing, and Urban Affairs of the Senate with respect to the authorities exercised under this Act and the considerations required by section 3.

Sec. 5. Rights; Management; Sale of Mortgage-Related Assets.

(a) Exercise of Rights.--The Secretary may, at any time, exercise any rights received in connection with mortgage-related assets purchased under this Act.

(b) Management of Mortgage-Related Assets.--The Secretary shall have authority to manage mortgage-related assets purchased under this Act, including revenues and portfolio risks therefrom.

(c) Sale of Mortgage-Related Assets.--The Secretary may, at any time, upon terms and conditions and at prices determined by the Secretary, sell, or enter into securities loans, repurchase transactions or other financial transactions in regard to, any mortgage-related asset purchased under this Act.

(d) Application of Sunset to Mortgage-Related Assets.--The authority of the Secretary to hold any mortgage-related asset purchased under this Act before the termination date in section 9, or to purchase or fund the purchase of a mortgage-related asset under a commitment entered into before the termination date in section 9, is not subject to the provisions of section 9.

Sec. 6. Maximum Amount of Authorized Purchases.

The Secretary's authority to purchase mortgage-related assets under this Act shall be limited to $700,000,000,000 outstanding at any one time

Sec. 7. Funding.

For the purpose of the authorities granted in this Act, and for the costs of administering those authorities, the Secretary may use the proceeds of the sale of any securities issued under chapter 31 of title 31, United States Code, and the purposes for which securities may be issued under chapter 31 of title 31, United States Code, are extended to include actions authorized by this Act, including the payment of administrative expenses. Any funds expended for actions authorized by this Act, including the payment of administrative expenses, shall be deemed appropriated at the time of such expenditure.

Sec. 8. Review.

Decisions by the Secretary pursuant to the authority of this Act are non-reviewable and committed to agency discretion, and may not be reviewed by any court of law or any administrative agency.

Sec. 9. Termination of Authority.

The authorities under this Act, with the exception of authorities granted in sections 2(b)(5), 5 and 7, shall terminate two years from the date of enactment of this Act.

Sec. 10. Increase in Statutory Limit on the Public Debt.

Subsection (b) of section 3101 of title 31, United States Code, is amended by striking out the dollar limitation contained in such subsection and inserting in lieu thereof $11,315,000,000,000.

Sec. 11. Credit Reform.

The costs of purchases of mortgage-related assets made under section 2(a) of this Act shall be determined as provided under the Federal Credit Reform Act of 1990, as applicable.

Sec. 12. Definitions.

For purposes of this section, the following definitions shall apply:

(1) Mortgage-Related Assets.--The term "mortgage-related assets" means residential or commercial mortgages and any securities, obligations, or other instruments that are based on or related to such mortgages, that in each case was originated or issued on or before September 17, 2008.

(2) Secretary.--The term "Secretary" means the Secretary of the Treasury.

(3) United States.--The term "United States" means the States, territories, and possessions of the United States and the District of Columbia. To top of page

First Published: September 20, 2008: 11:33 AM EDT

Bush wants OK to spend $700B

My Comments:
Please note that if this Bill passes then we, our children, our grand children, and up to our grandchildren's grand children will be paying for the wealthiest citizens to live free and happy while the rest of us pay for their Bailout. If you do not take action to prevent this Bill from passing then you deserve what you get and don't be surprised when the rest of us treat you badly for not doing something. This Bill is not acceptable and personally I find it difficult to understand why the American citizens have allowed President Bush to continue to destroy our Country and ruin our government check systems so that he and his wealthy friends can obtain everything they want and allow the others, yes you are the other, to pay for everything they have.

How many zeros in a billion?

2008-09-29T09:10:00.002-05:00

The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of it's releases.

A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

D. billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain... let's take a look at New Orleans ... It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division.

Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D) (Registered Voters in Louisiana should initiate an immediate Recall Petition to get her out of office.) is presently asking Congress for 250 BILLION DOLLARS to rebuild New Orleans. Interesting number... what does it mean?

A. Well.. if you are one of the 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, and child) you each get $516,528.

B. Or.. if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.

C. Or.. if you are a family of four... your family gets $2,066,012.

HELLO! Washington, D. C
Are all your calculators broken??

Accounts Receivable Tax
Air (cell phones) Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Tax
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service charge taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax (Truckers)
Sales Taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
T elephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago...
and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.

We had absolutely no national debt...
We had the largest middle class in the world...
and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What happened?
Can you spell 'politicians!' who have long been left to their own devices and not held accountable.

Isn't it time we, the American citizens, take back charge of our country and hold our elected (key word here, because we elect them and WE can put them out of office) officials accountable to doing what is in the best interest for our country, not their personal interests and bank accounts.

Here are some links to various items related to the proposed $700 Billion Bailout proposed by the illegally elected President Bush:

The 700 Billion Bail-Out: What About Ordinary Americans? - From GlobalComment.com

Here is the actual Bill that President Bush sent to Congress for Approval. I hope you will read it carefully and then find the link below and contact your Congressional Representatives and let them know you demand that they vote NO or you will begin the Recall Petitions to find representatives that will listen to you.
Treasury's bailout proposal.
The legislative proposal was sent by the White House overnight to lawmakers.

Bush urges passage of $700 billion bailout package - From MarketWatch.com
There are some interesting and thought provoking comments about this, so please read down through all of the comments.

In Congress, Concern Over $700 Billion Bailout - From National Public Radio

Websites with Information about Finding, Contacting and Learning about Voting Records:

Online Directory for the 110th Congress

Roll Call, Congress.org

Congressional Email Directory

Project Vote Smart, The Voter's Self Defense System
This is an awesome website and service to help you find your Congressional Representatives, how they vote, what their records are and other useful information to help you know what they are doing.

Should religion govern our country? The 2008 Presidential Election.

2008-09-13T08:45:00.001-05:00

Sarah Palin, Republican Vice President candidate, has openly spoken about her religious views on topics of government, such as why the United States is fighting in Iraq, why abortion shouldn’t be allowed, and her stance against gay rights. Even Senator John McCain has been commenting on social issues based upon his personal religious beliefs.

Should we, the citizens of the United States, allow our elected (key word here, elected, because we choose who we want to govern) leaders to govern based upon their personal religious views or should they be forced to keep religious views out of government? I believe that everyone should have the right to worship who and what they desire as long as it doesn’t cause harm to others or themselves. However, I do not believe that our elected leaders should govern based upon their personal religious beliefs. The term “separation of church and state” is often used but seldom understood.

The United States Constitution, in the First Amendment, states, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.” This statement doesn’t imply that there is a complete separation of church and state, however, it does imply that our elected leaders shouldn’t place personal religious beliefs over their ability to make decisions for the country as a whole. A true leader takes into consideration the needs of everyone they lead and makes decisions that are in the best interest of their constituency.

Lately there has been a lot of talk from religious leaders (clergy and such) about our current Presidential candidates and I have to question whether it is important for them to even be discussing such things in the media. The focus should be on the qualities the candidates have to govern and lead, their ability to make decisions that are in line with the citizens they were elected to govern, and their record of actions. Selecting a candidate shouldn’t be based upon their religious beliefs!

After listening to McCain, especially after he introduced Sarah Palin and hearing her speak, and Obama and his selection of Biden I’ve made a decision to support Obama, as I believe he and Biden will work for the best interest of the citizens of the United States, work to put the focus back on the United States to improve our country’s reputation, educational system, health care concerns, and they will be able to govern without regard to specific religious beliefs.

As a gay male, a licensed Southern Baptist preacher, a Feng Shui consultant, a rodeo cowboy, a person with AIDS, a concerned citizen, and any of the many “labels” that society needs to place upon people, I find myself in a unique place to make my decisions based upon an understanding and experience of many aspects of life and spiritual development. Yes, I am all of the above and much more. I am concerned about why we, the citizens of the United States, have not demanded that our elected leaders be held more accountable and forced to govern based upon our desires, not upon corporate interests, religious beliefs, or personal interests.

It’s time the United States stopped trying to be the world police, stop the ridiculous “war on terror” (there is now reason for this other than for President Bush’s desire to obtain access to Iraq’s oil and to create fear so he could increase his own power as a president), begin to focus on the needs of our own country, and begin to develop ways of improving our own lives. I’m still surprised that the citizens of the United States haven’t demanded the immediate resignation of President Bush, especially after a rigged election and the number of lies he has presented in order to accomplish the desire of a specific few.

Why do you, yes you, sleep walk through life? Why are you not doing something and speaking your mind about the issues that concern you and our country? Why aren’t you opening your heart to others and learning to live your life with openness, love, acceptance, and action?

I’ve been doing some research and here are some of the sources that have helped me to make my decision about who to elect in 2008:

I’m now very interested in supporting the separation of church and state and have begun my involvement with Americans United for Separation of Church and State.

Obama, about him, from Wikipedia.com

Obama and his Congressional Voting Record, from the Washington Post

Obama and his Congressional Voting Record, from Project Vote Smart

Biden, about him, from Wikipedia.com

Biden and his Congressional Voting Record, from Project Vote Smart

Biden and his Congressional Voting Record, from the Washington Post

McCain, about him, from Wikipedia.com

McCain and his Congressional Voting Record, from the Washington Post

McCain and his Congressional Voting Record, from Project Vote Smart

Sarah Palin, about her from Wikipedia.com

Sarah Palin’s fitness for office, from The Huffington Post

Sarah Palin’s anti-gay stance, from Gay.com

Sarah Palin and how she has governed Alaska, from the Bilerico Project

Sarah Palin and her governing record, from Project Vote Smart

I encourage everyone to do the research, to ask questions, and to vote based upon who has the best ability to govern for our interests and concerns, not their personal beliefs, and to actually vote. It’s time we held our elected leaders accountable, so what are you doing to do so?

Are you Registered to Vote?

Are you actively supporting a candidate?

Are you doing the research to gain insight and understanding into the candidates?

There are many resources available, including www.youtube.com, to find information about the candidates. Watch the videos and notice how they speak, watch their eyes, body language, and really listen to what they are saying.

What do you really want in an elected leader?

Extracting the Sweetness

2008-07-29T21:12:00.004-05:00

Late this afternoon an incredible experience transpired. While at the kitchen sink a hummingbird flew straight up to the window, paused, looked at me, hovered in place for a bit, and then flew off. He or she was only a foot away and I could see the iridescent colors, which were beautiful. Shortly after, while I was watering the garden, another hummingbird came over to the flowers, hovered at my eye level for a bit, and then flew off. Not long after the hummingbird had departed a bumble bee started buzzing around my head.

Knowing that animals are here to guide us on our life's journey, I commented to my father that I needed to review the message that these wonderful creatures were presenting to me. I later shared their messages with my father while we enjoyed the quiet country evening on the back deck. I wanted to share those same messages here.

HUMMINGBIRD represents Joy

Life is a wonderland of delight - darting from one flower to another, tasting the sweet nectar and radiating the colors of the rainbow. Hummingbird a symbol for accomplishing that which seems impossible. It can teach you how to find the miracle of joyful living in your own life.

Hummingbird medicine is herbal; it shows us how to use flowers for healing. They teach us how to draw life essence from flowers and create your own medicines. This totem reminds us to explore the past and extract the sweetness from it. It can help you find joy and sweetness in any situation. Grab joy as swiftly as you can. Hummingbird reminds us to find the joy in what we do and to sing it out.

BEE represents Fertility and the Honey of Life, Accomplishing the Impossible

Bees are the symbol of fertility and sexuality. Its honeycomb, a hexagon, is the symbol of the heart and represents the sweetness of life found within our own heart. It is also the symbol of the sun and all its energies.

The bee reminds us to extract the honey of life and to make our lives fertile (productive) while the sun shines. No matter how great the dream is, there is the promise of fulfillment if we pursue our dreams.

If a Bee has shown up in your life, examine your own productivity. Are you doing all you can to make your life more fertile? Are you busy enough? Are you making time to savor the honey of life and not becoming a workaholic?

The Bee is the symbol of accomplishing the impossible. Aerodynamically, its body is too large for its wings and should not be able to fly. Although now we understand how it does fly (high rate of wing movement), the Bee remains a symbol of accomplishing anything you put your mind to.

In Hinduism, the Bee relates to Vishnu, Krishna or Kama, the God of Love. In Egypt, the Bee symbolized royalty. In Greece, it was the symbol of the Eleusinian Mysteries. The Celts associated the Bee with hidden wisdom.

MDA Lockup - Help, I'm in Jail!

2008-07-28T18:06:00.003-05:00

Recently my sister sent me an Email informing me that she was going to jail. It isn't what you might be thinking, and no she hasn't broken any laws. She's helping to raise money for Muscular Dystrophy Association (Jerry's Kids). She's participating in the MDA's Lock Up. Her goal is to raise $2,000. You may not know my sister, but if you're reading this I hope you will help her get out of jail and raise money for MDA.

Please visit her personal MDA Lock Up page to make a donation: https://www.joinmda.org/MyLockup/MyHomepage/tabid/15177/Participant/mrsvicked2k/Default.aspx

Building Wealth

2008-07-26T22:50:00.000-05:00

Despair, doubt, and feelings wonder flood my thoughts lately. My hopes of having the cabin completed by the end of summer are fading. Living here seems to drain every drop of money I can generate. Before I allow the place I’m calling home to ruin my finances, I’m putting together some solutions to fix the problems with energy. I’m sure some may question my seemingly madness, however, I know what I teach my clients works and I cannot teach it if I do not live it.

I’ve began working on correcting the bad flow of energy off the land through the ‘wealth’ area by creating a Wealth Garden in an old satellite dish, however, I still have to put some more top soil, find some winter plants, and then mulch it. There are plenty of rocks around here, so I will be buying some gold spray paint, painting the rocks to look like gold, and putting a pile of them into a container within the new Wealth Garden to symbolize wealth being saved. After I get this aspect completed I will begin working on creating a crescent moon shaped planter on the ground around the satellite dish, purchase some really nice shrubs, ground covers, and bulbs to plant there, not to mention mulching it. Once these are completed then the next step is to remove two dead trees (dead trees drain energy) near the Wealth Garden, trimming up the trees throughout the area, and mowing it all to keep it looking good.

When I’m in Austin next I will be purchasing some crystals to help draw energy back away from the quick slopping area of land. I believe I may also put a wind chime near the area to call in the wealth that is now being drained away. I’m sure in time others will grow to understand my madness as they see my finances improve, which I know they will when I devote such attention to saving my wealth.

Perhaps in time I’ll be able to finish the cabin, begin working on creating some gardens around it, and hopefully enjoy being here. Lately it seems that there is always something to get accomplished, so for now I’ll keep working and doing all the things needed. I know that I will complete the cabin and that I will enjoy being here, but for now it is a daily struggle to maintain my spirits and slowly work on it.

There are days of joy here, such as today when we all worked together to put up gutters on my sister’s home, when my father and I get to do projects together, and when we all get to play 42. My doubts will fade away, my hopes will be renewed, and my dreams will blossom into something beautiful, however, I have to believe and move forward daily into creating what I want my life here to be.

Lessons Learned from Animals About Life and Living.

2008-07-23T22:51:00.003-05:00

Recently my father and I had a brief conversation about crows, because he mentioned he had seen some in the back yard and wasn't able to get his gun before they flew off. I mentioned to him that crows were a good thing to have around the home, as they represented good magic. Here is what the crow means as it relates to an animal totem.

CROW

"Keeper of the Sacred Law"

Crows are the keepers of the Sacred Law and to have a Crow totem is very powerful.

Personal Integrity are your watchwords and your guide in Life. If you have a Crow totem, your prime path is to be mindful of your opinions and actions. You must be willing to walk your talk, to speak your truth and to know your life's mission.

Crow is a omen of Change. Crow lives in the void and has no sense of time, therefore, it sees past, present and future simultaneously. Crow merges both light and dark, both inner and outer. It is the totem of the Great Spirit and must be respected as such.

They are symbols of creation and spiritual strength. Look for opportunities to create and manifest the magic of life. Crows are messengers calling to us about the creation and magic that is alive in the world today and available to us.

Over the past few days there have been several animals who have shared their messages with me, so I'll take a moment to share what these animals have shared with me.

Today:
A Squirrel appeared to enjoy the seed feast provided when the new bird feeder fell, although I enjoyed his presence for a bit, I did want to remind him that the seeds were for the birds, although I did thank him for his gift:

Chatter, scold, creature bold,
Warning all by your call.
Discovery, change, bring within my range.
Warnings as free, send to me.

Gathering, Activity, and Preparedness is the message of the Squirrel. The gathering power of Squirrel is a great gift. It teaches us balance within the circle of gathering and giving out.

They remind us that in our quest for our goals, it is vital to make time for play and socializing. Squirrel teaches us to conserve our energy for times of need. If your totem is Squirrel or Squirrel has recently entered your life, lighten your load of things that are unnecessary – things that you have gathered in the past and may be cluttering your life – thoughts, worries, and stresses.

Squirrel is also the totem of action. Ask yourself are you too active, not active enough, afraid of enough,
hung up on accumulating and collecting. Squirrel people tend to be a little erratic – trying to do many things at once. Take the time to stop and listen to your inner self – and don’t forget to play!

Also today while working around the new Wealth Garden a Dragonfly (My lifetime animal totem) stopped for a visit and then followed me around:

Illusion, the Power of Light

Dragonfly is the power of light. The dragonfly inhabits two realms: air and water and the influence of both these elements will be felt by Dragonfly people. They will be emotional and passionate during their early years (the influence of water) and more balanced with greater mental clarity and control in as they mature (the influence of air).

Dragonfly is the essence of the winds of change, the messages of wisdom and enlightenment; and the communication from the elemental world. Dragonfly medicine beckons you to seek out the parts of your habits which need changing. Call on Dragonfly to guide you through the mists of illusion to the pathway of transformation. The number 2 is important to Dragonfly, so think in terms of two year periods when you begin a change. Dragonfly brings the light and color of transformation into your life.

Over the past few days, there have been many Butterflies, a Grey Heron, a Cat (my new charge called P3), and a Bee.

BUTTERFLY:
Transmutation, Dance of Joy

The butterfly is the symbol of change, joy and color. It is the symbol of the soul. They remind us that life is a dance,not to take things quite so seriously. They also remind us to get up and move. Dance brings the sweetness of life.

Butterflies bring color and joy to your life. Look at them and remember what joy is in your life, if its a lot or a little, it is still joy. They teach us that growth and transformation does not have to traumatic; it can occur gently, sweetly, joyfully.

If a butterfly totem has shown up in your life, make note of the most important issues in your life, and see what needs to be changed.

HERON:
Aggressive Self-Determination and Self-Reliance.

A Heron and Egret totem teaches balance; the ability to progress and evolve -- to walk into deeper waters without fear. It is important for someone with a Heron and Egret totem to learn to stand on their own two feet, to become independent and self-reliant.

Heron and Egret has a strong connection to the element of Earth and you must also be aware and cultivate this connection. The Mother Earth is a source of strength and will help you stand strong and firm. Heron medicine allows you to perform many tasks at the same time,
keeping all in balance. If one way doesn't work, then another way will. Heron and Egret people seem to instinctively know this.

Heron people do not need a lot of people in their life and they are often follow non-traditional roles. They feel no need to "keep up with the Jones." They stand out in their uniqueness
and know how to take advantage of things and events that most people wouldn't bother with.

You know what is best for you and you should follow that path. Be aggressive when opportunities present themselves -- don't let them get away from you. Meditation on color will provide insight to Heron and Egret people.

CAT:

Littlest lion, panther in miniature,
Help me in a my magical endeavors,
Teach me to see my path through dark places,
Help me to sift the necessary from the unnecessary
And to relax and enjoy life.
Strengthened my magic and carry it to its destination.

Mystery, Magic and Independence. A cat totem encourages agility in both body and mind. You will be challenged with new ideas and places. The cat gives you clearer perception.

This spirit helper is resourceful, strong and fearless. It will give you courage and confidence. Examine the colors, character and behaviors of your Cat. Everything about it will reflect in your own life. When a Cat becomes predominant in your life, magic and mystery come alive.

Associated with the Norse Goddess of Fertility Freyja and the Hindu Goddess of Childbirth, Shasthi
and of course, the Egyptian Goddess Bastet who takes the form of a cat.

BEE:
Fertility and the Honey of Life, and Accomplishing the Impossible.

Bees are the symbol of fertility and sexuality. Its honeycomb, a hexagon, is the symbol of the heart and represents the sweetness of life found within our own heart. It is also the symbol of the sun and all its energies.

The bee reminds us to extract the honey of life and to make our lives fertile (productive) while the sun shines. No matter how great the dream is, there is the promise of fulfillment
if we pursue our dreams. If a Bee has shown up in your life, examine your own productivity. Are you doing all you can to make your life more fertile? Are you busy enough? Are you making time to savor the honey of life and not becoming a workaholic?

The Bee is the symbol of accomplishing the impossible. Aerodynamically, its body is too large for its wings and should not be able to fly. Although now we understand how it does fly (high rate of wing movement), the Bee remains a symbol of accomplishing anything you put your mind to.

In Hinduism, the Bee relates to Vishnu, Krishna or Kama, the God of Love. In Egypt, the Bee symbolized royalty. In Greece, it was the symbol of the Eleusinian Mysteries. The Celts associated the Bee with hidden wisdom.

If you'd like to learn more about Animal Totems, please visit www.Linsdomain.com, which is where all of the above information was obtained.

Don't leave the driving to Greyhound!

2008-05-22T20:27:00.000-05:00

Monday, May 12, 2008

The story of how Greyhound Lines, Inc. ruined my 7 month backpacking trip and the hell I went through because of Greyhound corporate policies.

After booking my ticket online, I arrived at the Shreveport Bus station where I at the misfortune of having Gloria, an older lady who apparently has been working at this bus station for a number of years and has gained the reputation of “she’s just mean.” Usually I write down my confirmation numbers for things, however, I didn’t find the Greyhound ticket confirmation number among all the other numbers I wrote down for my trip to Panama. Gloria, who apparently didn’t want to provide any assistance which would take her away from being able to watch her Television show or do anything that required thought wasn’t able to find my ticket information. I’m sure it’s because she didn’t know how to utilize the computer system. Then it was a 15-minute wait on the Greyhound 800 number before I was able to reach a live person to provide assistance. I was finally able to obtain my confirmation number (2969150101) and returned to the then extremely long waiting line at the ticket counter. It seems that Dorothy and Gloria were more involved in having a conversation about personal things and watching the television then assisting customers, and Dorothy kept going back to the other office and didn’t help with the long line of customers. Almost everyone in line was complaining about the bad service. I was finally able to reach the counter after a 20-minute wait and obtain my ticket. I’m not sure what the form was that I signed, but I believed it was the confirmation signature for my ticket purchase.

The time came to board the bus, so again I waited in line. I set my large backpack in the line for the baggage handler to load it on the bus. I waited to watch to make sure it was actually loaded on the bus, which it was along with a number of other bags. Thirteen hours later I arrived in Atlanta, the first stop that required a change of buses and where I was to claim my large backpack so I could check it on the next bus. However, my backpack had been taken off the bus that I was on some where along the trip. I complained at the ticket counter, they sent me to a man in customer service and he sent me to check with a man in the baggage department. My backpack wasn’t to be found. Not one of the employees of Greyhound were concerned that my backpack had been taken off the bus and informed me that I couldn’t file a complaint until I reached my destination. While I was complaining to the baggage handler he proceeded to inform me of Greyhound’s policy about baggage, that they would often remove bags from a bus to make room for their express package deliveries, or other bags and then put the removed bags on another bus which would arrive at a different time than the bus I was on.

On Tuesday, May 13^th, I arrived in Orlando, Florida, and wasn’t surprised that my backpack wasn’t there. I complained at the ticket counter and was finally able to get a complaint form, but according to the form it was to be completed by a Greyhound employee and not the customer. I completed the form and handed it to the lady at the ticket counter who just threw it on the counter. The only employee that even tried to provide service was George in Orlando. No one at Greyhound was able to inform me when my backpack would arrive and because I was supposed to be catching a flight early the next morning for Panama I couldn’t wait. Well, this and the fact that while on the bus someone stole my wallet and the bus driver (Cleveland Brown) wouldn’t stop to allow me to file a police report and if he would have stopped then I would have been able to recover my wallet from one of the three people who stole it on the bus. Thus I had to call my family collect to get them to buy a return ticket (Conf. # 3009511701to Shreveport while I awaited my lost backpack and reorder all of the missing items from my wallet. I left Orlando on Greyhound at 8:50 pm that same evening very frustrated, upset, and distraught over the lack of customer service by Greyhound. I could have continued with my trip had my backpack arrived with me, but since I didn’t know when it would arrive I had to return to Louisiana. I arrived Wednesday, May 14^th, in Shreveport over an hour late.

Thursday was spent filing a complaint online through the Greyhound online system and trying to reach a live person with Greyhound to find my lost backpack. After a 30-minute wait on the Greyhound 800 number I was given another number to call (214-849-6246 the Package Department). I called and spoke with a woman who provided me a Customer ID number (1377828) so I could always use that number to talk to anyone at Greyhound. She wasn’t able to inform me where my backpack was located so I insisted upon her providing me a number to talk to a supervisor. She gave me 214-849-8218, which is only a recorded message where you can leave a voice message. I left a message and waited for a return phone call. Friday I was even more upset so my sister suggested I call one number up or down from the other number, which I did and was able to reach an operator (she refused to give me her name and said that her name didn’t matter, but I spoke to her at 4:42 pm) and she, like all the other employees of Greyhound, didn’t know what customer service was and refused to help me. She just transferred me back to the voice message system. I called back and asked her to connect with me a live person, I didn’t care whom, but someone who could help me. I finally reached Mrs. Jimmerson in the Executive Offices. Mrs. Jimmerson was reluctant to provide me with her name. I gave her my customer ID number, she looked it up and said that my backpack had arrived in Orlando on May 15^th (that’s one whole day after I had arrived and it arrived after I would have caught my flight, the same flight I had to cancel because Greyhound lost my backpack.). I informed her that there was no legitimate reason that my backpack should have been taken off of the bus that I was traveling upon and that my luggage should always be on the same bus I was on. She then stated that it was Greyhound’s policy not to consider luggage lost for 24 to 48 hours after it was reported missing. According to the official Greyhound Package department after they receive a complaint they have 30 days to send you a letter in the mail with your Customer ID number before you would be allowed to contact Greyhound, and I informed Mrs. Jimmerson that that time frame was unacceptable. She said that she would have my bag put on the next bus to Shreveport, but that they would not deliver it to the address where I was waiting. I requested a refund of the two tickets and she told me that Greyhound would not refund for lost baggage. I informed her that if Greyhound was responsible for me not being able to take my 7 month backpacking trip then they were responsible for refunding the ticket prices.

Thus, after several days of calling the Shreveport bus station my backpack arrived today, Thursday, May 22, 2008. Upon my arrival at the Shreveport bus station I didn’t find anyone at the ticket counter. I called out for someone and Dorothy peeked her head around a door and said that I would have to wait 30 minutes because she was on her lunch break. I told her that was unacceptable, especially after everything else I had been through with Greyhound. I could see my backpack sitting just past the counter. I walked around the building looking for a door to go get my backpack, but they were all locked. I returned to the ticket counter and told Dorothy that I supposed I would have to crawl over the counter to get my backpack, and she said she would call the police and have me arrested, I told her to go ahead that I was sure that the media would just love to hear all of this horrible tale, which she was now making worse by refusing to provide any level of service. Angrily she approached the counter and took my baggage claim ticket (DM869597), returned through a side door and threw my backpack on the floor some ways away from where I was standing and then disappeared again. I checked the backpack to make sure everything was still in it and left.

To date I am out the following funds because of Greyhound’s baggage policies, the fact that they lost my backpack, and were responsible for me not being able to make my flight connections:

First Bus Ticket: $68.00

Second Bus Ticket: $168.00

Airline Ticket: $405.00

Change of Airline Ticket: $75.00

It seems that any company that isn’t capable of responsibly handling people’s baggage, and from my research there are many such stories, then they shouldn’t be allowed to operate. It is time that Greyhound was held accountable for the number of people’s lives they have hurt because of their corporate policies.

Therefore I hope you will consider assisting me in a Call to Action against Greyhound. You can read more on the website I’ve created to bring together all of the people affected by Greyhound. Part of the website is to provide a comprehensive listing of other bus services that people can take so no one ever has to take a Greyhound bus again. Either we get Greyhound to change their policies or we run them out of business.

Visit http://greyhoundbus.spruz.com/ to learn more about how you can help hold Greyhound accountable for the numerous lives they have harmed.

Don't leave the driving to Greyhound!

2008-05-21T00:37:00.000-05:00

After a 4 day horrible experience, lost luggage, stolen wallet, and a week of frustrating dealings with Greyhound, I'm putting out a Call to Action against Greyhound. Please read below for more information:

It's time Greyhound was held accountable, so I'm putting this action together to get everyone who has ever had trouble with Greyhound's bus system to call and complain about their operating procedures, lack of customer service, amount of lost baggage, and anything else you can think of that you, or anyone you may know, want to address with Greyhound Lines, Inc.

Action Dates: June 23 through 27, 2008
Action Time: 8:00 am to 5:00 pm Central Standard Time (so adjust the times for your time zone.)

I believe if you can post this information in your Blog, on Message Boards, on Forums, or email it to your friends. If everyone then calls, sends letters, creates picket lines outside your local Greyhound station, faxes Greyhound and Laidlaw on June 23 through the 27th, perhaps they will understand just how unhappy everyone is with their bus service. Also, please consider finding and taking another bus service. If you know of a bus service, please list it so others can learn about them. I've listed one below, after all the other information.

Unpublished location of Greyhound's Corporate Offices:
Greyhound Lines, Inc.
Criag Lentzsch, CEO
15110 Dallas Pkwy
Dallas, TX 75248-4635
U.S.A.

Do NOT call the listed phone numbers for Greyhound (214-849-8218 is given but only reaches a voice system and it's almost impossible to reach a live person on the 800-231-2222 official Greyhound number.), instead reach a live person by calling any of these unpublished numbers:

Operator with Executive Office: 214-849-8219
Bryan: 214-849-8217
Ursala: 214-849-8215
Safety Dept: 214-849-8214
Claudette: 214-849-8213
Jennell: 214-849-8211

These are the numbers that I was able to reach people, however, you can try to reach other live people by dialing 214-849-82XX (put any number in for the XX)

The Parent Company (the company that owns Greyhound) for Greyhound is:
Laidlaw Inc.
55 Shulman Boulevard, Suite 400
Naperville, IL 60563
U.S.A.
Phone: 630-848-3000
Fax: 630-579-6438

Other Bus Services:
Trailways services some areas, so please see this website to see if they service the areas you are traveling: http://www.trailways.com/schedules.asp

Another great website to find bus services: http://www.apta.com/links/transit_by_mode/bus.cfm

Going with the Flow

2008-05-15T23:24:00.000-05:00

When the signs said for me not to stay in Austin then I proceeded to check out other options. The Universe provided a cheap flight to Panama from Orlando, Florida, so I booked it. The Greyhound bus ticket was also amazingly inexpensive, thus I’m here in Shreveport, Louisiana, awaiting my bus to Orlando. It seems that the adventure resumes, but this time I’m a bit more educated about traveling in foreign countries, have an awesome new backpack set, and for some reason I’m nervous, probably because so far this morning everything seems to go wrong. First it was the fact that I didn’t sleep well for having diarrhea, then the auto-stop for the fuel pump didn’t work and caused a huge gas overflow, then when arriving at the bus station the attendant couldn’t find my reservation. After a 15 minute wait I finally reached a live person at the Greyhound’s toll free number to obtain my confirmation number. Gloria, the employee of Greyhound, wasn’t helpful, attentive, or even able to accomplish simple customer service aspects. Even now, while I sit here typing she is chatting and laughing with a co-worker about personal issues while the line of people waiting for tickets continues to grow. Why they only have one person capable of handling customers is unknown. I heard from another lady in line that Gloria has been working in this station for many years and as she said, “she’s just mean.”

I heard a song this morning and one of the lines was “this world is going crazy and I’m not sure if tomorrow is really going to be any better.” That’s the way I’ve been feeling since I’ve been back in the states. Companies don’t seem to care about providing even the slightest level of customer service, employees don’t seem to care about working, managers don’t seem to care much about ensuring their employees work, and the world is going crazy. Is it time for a revolt against the status quo? It seems that most people these days just accept the mistreatment of the various companies that they have to do business with to survive. Perhaps if we all could say NO to this mistreatment then maybe these big companies will have to take notice, but this would require a national boycott.

I’m sure that the day will end well and my traveling adventures will be good, but at the moment I’m just trying to overcome these feelings of angst about this trip. I arrive in Panama City, Panama, Wednesday afternoon and will be staying at Zuly’s Backpackers. I hope to be able to spend about a week exploring Panama before venturing south to South America. The current intentions are to work my passage through the Panama Canal as a line handler so I can get to Columbia. From there I will go as the wind blows to discover the various countries.

My feelings have lightened up some while typing, as people are coming over, sitting down and chat. I’m amazed by the friendliness of poorer people. It’s time to start getting ready to board the bus and I’ve already met several people who will be traveling with me. Even though it may have started off with stress, it’s going to end with the excitement of an adventure.

Tuesday and Wednesday

Adventure was an understatement. First, Greyhound lost my brand new large backpack, which was loaded with new clothes and items for the trip. Second, someone stole my wallet on the bus and the Greyhound driver wouldn’t stop to allow me to call the police and file a report. Thus, I ended up in Orlando, Florida, without any money, no luggage, and distraught over what had happened over the last two days. It didn’t seem to matter to the various Greyhound employees that my backpack was missing, even though I complained to all the people they told me to and even filled out a lost luggage form.

After a collect call to my sister’s home, I was wired some money and they bought a return ticket on Greyhound for me to get back to Louisiana so I could sort everything out. I’m sure I don’t need to mention this, however, I couldn’t make my flight to Panama. Thankfully, Spirit Airlines worked with my sister when she told them about the situation and I have the ticket on hold for a future date of travel.

Now, I’m in Louisiana waiting on new credit cards, going to get a new Social Security card, Medicare card, and driver’s license. It seems I’ll be here a minimum of 10 days while I wait for everything to arrive. There was only one agency, Bank of the Internet USA, that wouldn’t work with my sister, who had power of attorney, or myself when I made requests of them to cancel the current card, replace it and send it to the address where I was located. Instead, Bank of the Internet USA, decided that my “account needed special handling” and decided to close my account instead of providing any level of customer service. Thus, if anyone reads this when you search for Bank of the Internet USA, then I hope you will reconsider opening an account with them, as they are not capable of simple customer service let alone providing any level of regular support for your account.

On the other hand, Washington Mutual Bank has been extremely helpful and has worked hard to provide the help needed during a difficult situation, thus if you are looking for a great bank, please consider WAMU.

My father sent me an email with this message in it and it seems that I needed the reminder to go with the flow:

"GO GENTLY WITH THE FLOW"

If the sky above seems cloudy,

And you are left out in the rain,

If you are searching for a rainbow,

But the colors bring you pain,

If your world is not revolving,

And there is no end in sight,

If you are looking for the sunshine,

But all you see is night,

If all around are smiling,

But all you can do is frown,

If you are tired of all this living,

When life just brings you down,

Then look beyond your teardrops,

At the wonders of this land,

The beauty of a flower,

Like velvet in your hand.

Feel the air around you,

The smell of new mown hay,

Laughing children in the park,

The innocence there at play,

Imagine floating with a butterfly,

As she flutters between the trees,

Or the whispers of the ocean,

On warm hot summer's breeze,

Think of the taste of candy floss,

As it melts upon your tongue,

Or the melody of morning birds,

As they greet each day with song,

Remember words of beauty,

Told in your mother's embrace,

Feel the gentleness of her touch,

As she softly kissed your face,

Seek the good within you,

Cast the clouds from your sky,

Don't look toward the pavement,

But hold your head up high,

Think not what life owes you,

But of all you have to give,

Forget about tomorrow,

Then you can start to live.

So bless this age you are living in,

With the gifts you can bestow,

Don't disregard the stream of life,

Go gently with the flow.

Author Unknown

So, go with the flow I shall. I have no idea of what the next step shall be; however, I am open to whatever the Universe brings. 10 days I shall have while I wait on things to come back together, so I know within that time something shall present itself and then I will know how to proceed further.

Finding Support or Encouragement

2008-04-07T22:59:00.000-05:00

Realizing that over the years I haven't always been one to stick with anything for very long - boyfriends, jobs, businesses, family, homes, etc. - I hadn't known the truth of what my friends believed about me. I know I've moved a lot, quit jobs, left lovers, and got rid of businesses I owned all because I wanted freedom, but does this mean that when I take on a new project that my friends cannot support me. It seems that way lately, because when I talk about my current project they all seem to just give me lip service, not genuine support. I've been keeping it all inside until today when my sister sent me an email.

Most people have never understood who I am, some never tried, and yet, can I blame them when there have been times in my life that I didn't understand what my motivations were. During my 5 months of backpacking through Central America something changed in me, or was it that I rediscovered the strengths I had when younger but that had been lost because of so many perceived failures. Whatever it was, I'm now at a point in my life where I really know myself, am willing to stand up and do something again, to open up to new friendships, and to a point where I've accepted the person I am, including all of the negative (or perceived negative) aspects of my life.

Few, if any, have ever seen the many nights of tears, the long sleepless nights questioning my very existence, or known the troubles of my mind as I have sorted through my life. I'll admit, I haven't tried very hard to let anyone know about my struggles, and would only tell people, "I don't think you could handle being inside my head for a moment as it might make you go insane." I've always internalized everything in my life, and kept my fears from everyone, fears, hurts, pains, etc. Now, I'm ready to open my life and try to let people see what really goes on inside my head, my heart, and know the real me. However, are they ready? Are they true friends or not? Can they see past whatever conceived ideas they might have about me to discover the changes in my life now?

I'm not sure where my life is leading me these days. I have never wanted to extend my life, as I haven't liked it on many occasions throughout the years, but now I am talking with my doctor about taking HIV medications, seeking ways of improving my health, working on mending broken family ties, trying to be a concerned and honest friend, and I'm actually wanting to live. I know this thought doesn't resonate with my friends or family that have been through my life with me, however, rediscovering myself has brought about such changes in my life and how I think about myself that I'm ready to move forward into that vast unknown, not with dread of the past, but with a hope for what might be in the future.

I haven't thought very highly of myself over the last many years since I left Louisiana, because I know I wasn't following a true path, instead I was avoiding my issues by indulging in the dark side of sensual pleasures, doing drugs, and feeling sorry for myself. Even when I left Austin to go to Central America I had shut down and couldn't function, I had given up completely, ready to end it all. I couldn't find a way to forgive myself for years of neglect, pain, and avoidance. I came alive while backpacking, realized that I had the ability to do anything, learned to be open about who I was, and returned to the states a different man. At least within my own thoughts and beliefs I've changed or returned to a true path, however, others cannot see that yet.

I suppose when those that are closest to you can only see the image that has been created over the years, then it may be difficult for them to see, or accept, that there could be an altered image now. I cannot fully express the tears that fell today when I tried to talk to my best friend about the new project, and how it has been achieving something that I know is far beyond me, and seeking his advice and support, instead only receiving what I felt like was lip service. He's been my best friend for a long time now, but lately I've noticed more and more changes in our relationship, discovered what his real thoughts are about me, and have begun to question the status of our relationship. I get to see him on Wednesday and will find the words to speak with him about how I felt today.

The child within has grown up, perhaps not to full adult age, but he has grown. That lonesome, fearful, hurt, and ashamed child now seeks acceptance, forgiveness and love in a world that now seems foreign, uncertain, and challenging. Through working on the new project I've grown as well, right along with that inner child, holding hands together, and finding assurance within each other. I'm afraid, nervous, and unsure of where this new project will take me, however, I do know it's something that I cannot escape or run from at this point. It has become the one guiding factor for my existence now, that driving force, and something that isn't about me.

I've been brought to tears a lot of late, tears of joy, of amazement, of loneliness, of personal skepticism, and of fear. Other people are getting to know the person they see working on the project, that creative mind (as I've been known to be called), and they have shown such compassion, encouragement and support to rival anything I have known before. I'm sure it's the project itself and not me that draws their support, but maybe they see something deeper within myself that is only now finding it's own voice and place in the world. Whatever it is, the project or my own energy, I'm thankful for the love.

Daily doubting my own abilities and talents, I've begun to work harder to be true to myself, to speak my concerns, and to be open with people. I know I may not be the person who can carry this new project forward into the acclaim it has been receiving, but I know that I can find the people who can help it achieve it's calling. I'm going along for the ride, enjoying every minute of the refreshing atmosphere, to see where all of this will lead. Who's along for the ride with me? Who cares enough to see into the heart of a man that has long lived in fear and pain?

Welcome to my world, now you've seen what goes on inside my head all of the time, and I've only shown a portion of it here. But if anyone wants to get involved in helping me to take my project to it's next level, then please visit my project's website: www.theHIVconversation.com. Hopefully through this project we all might discover our true selves and learn to laugh, share and live openly.

A Leader or Just Being

2008-04-02T22:55:00.000-05:00

Recently I submitted several stories to one of the websites that has been helping me support my new book and film project, "The Conversation". One story was about me and the other was an excerpt from the book I'm writing. I'd like to share one of them with you here.

I don't often consider myself a leader in any regard, but from the communications I've been receiving of late, it seems maybe I am, or at least I'm inspiring others. Perhaps a leader is someone who inspires others to accomplish things. Well, here is the one story.

My Story for TakingItGlobal.org (TIG)

The question was what inspires me:

Creativity, honesty, openness, directness, compassion, intelligence, and freedom inspire me and have throughout my now 45 years. These are qualities I find true in myself and honor them in others when they exhibit such. Creativity, such as in art, always inspires as I gaze upon the beauty, talent, and mind of the artist. Honesty, when expressed through love, is valued amongst my friends, and even when it might slip out through anger. Openness because I believe we should all be open about our lives because it allows us to live freely without fear. Directness may not suit everyone, however, I find it easy for then I know what another is really thinking. Compassion and intelligence go hand and hand for me in that we should have both so that our lives are led with our minds but guided by our hearts. Freedom, being able to do, say, or just be, perhaps is the one thing that has kept my life in constant change, but the one thing I know that guides my path.

What projects am I involved with :

While attending a bi-annual PWA (people with AIDS) camp out, sponsored by the PWA Holiday Charities of Houston, Texas, I and some others were sitting and talking when someone mentioned they had just started dating someone. We all asked, ‘have you had “The Conversation”?’ This term, as some of us have affectionately started calling it, is about disclosing our HIV status. During this little time of chat the idea of a book came about, being that there wasn’t one about the topic, and being that I felt I had something to give to the world, I started working on developing a book. The early beginnings were crude, and some aspects still are, but “The Conversation” is taking off and finding its supporters and participants. I’m retired due to having HIV and Neurosyphilis, something uncommon in these days, and now have an AIDS diagnoses. Thus, I work almost full time on developing the book, along with a film project, seeking people to volunteer their stories, to create their own video shorts, and to promote the project’s work. I’m amazed at the responses and support the project has received, as I didn’t really think about how it would be in reality, just a belief that there was a story to tell that hadn’t been told. Perhaps a hope of being able to live in a world where I can freely talk about my HIV status without worrying if I would loose my job, my health benefits, and family and friends. I don’t know where all of this is leading now, but the universe is taking the energy that I’ve put forth and letting it find its own end, so for now I’m doing my part and enjoying the ride down this river of life.

What do I think makes a good leader:

Leadership, there are some who are taught to lead, others who have a natural ability to lead, and yet others who lead through action or verse. I believe anyone can lead, it’s just a matter of believing in something and working for that cause, that thought, that intuition. Anyone who leads, I believe and because I have lead four companies now, along with being a leader in the military, should have knowledge, compassion, understanding, strength of character, a belief in one’s self, and above all else honesty. I don’t consider myself a leader, although life has put me in that position often, probably because I still doubt that I can make a difference or lead anyone anywhere. But I know, from my own experiences and the comments from others, that I am a leader simply because I believe in something, have talents, and apparently born to do something.

Is there anything that TIG can do to help me achieve my work and have they helped:

Oh, yes, as I scream this loudly. Taking It Global has helped me achieve part of my goal of getting the word out about my project, not to mention providing great resources and leads to others who might want to be involved in “The Conversation”. I greatly respect Janet (I’m not sure of her profile name on here, something I suppose I will go find out), who has been promoting the project and sending me the responses she obtains from others. I suppose there are other ways that TIG could help, but by just having this wonderful resource here to connect, share and learn has been incredible. I’ve created a Blog, a Group, and even been making new friends. Perhaps the greatest blessing would be to have TIG promote the project to a publisher (as I haven’t found one yet who is interested) or helping me to find ways of getting funding for the film project. If anyone knows of ways I can reach resources for either of these I would be grateful. I suppose the new age of technology can be something wonderful, and TIG is doing something awesome and I’m glad I can be a part of it all.

Stay Young With Me

2008-03-27T23:34:00.000-05:00

My father recently sent me an email containing the following statements. I liked it so I thought I would share it.

Stay Young With Me

We all need to read this one over and over until it becomes part of who we are!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Try everything twice. On Madams tombstone (of Whelan's and Madam) she said she wanted this epitaph: Tried everything twice...loved it both times!

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches)

3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.

6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love: Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. I love you, my special friend.

11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second time.

But do share this with someone.

Lost time can never be found.

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

The '5 year old' is Alone and Afraid.

2008-03-24T00:28:00.000-05:00

Dreams are things that help us understand our lives, what we are thinking, and help us know where to go. The other night I dreamed of being in a new truck, one of those little ones, but I didn’t own it. The owner was there with me and I pulled the truck up to load it up with things sitting on the side of the road. As I put on the brakes to hold the truck, even the emergency break, I noticed that the truck was rolling backwards, the breaks not holding. In a panic I screamed that I couldn’t stop it, but the owner just calmly smiled and said, ‘that’s OK, just go with it.’ The truck kept going backwards and along the way people, strangers, began to help by calling out to others on the street that I didn’t have breaks. Then as I closed in on the bottom of the hill there was a man who told me to hold on and turn the truck so it would go in circles. I did as he said and the truck began to slow in a cumbersome circle. I woke up there, but the thoughts of the dream made me think of my current situation.

I volunteered myself to help a friend, who needed someone to stay in a house he owns. Coming back to Austin, which was required to fulfill the offer to help, now has my mind in a twirl. I’m alone out here, something that I have become accustomed to of late, but here it’s different. It’s not like being alone in Central America where I can easily travel around, but here it’s different. The universe saw fit to provide a $100 bill when cleaning the house, which was used to purchase a bicycle. Things here are so far away that just getting food is hard, even with the bike.

Sleep hasn’t been easy here for fear of who else might have a key to access the home because it’s been kept unlocked for so long, and then there is the case of the mysterious foot prints in the mud by the window that didn’t exist the day before. I slept in the closet for several nights, as it was the only place that felt secure. Now I’m sleeping upstairs in one of the bedrooms on the floor. I have nothing here other than some clothes and my laptop. Being here is difficult for me as I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing. I cannot keep living here as it is without furniture, towels, or anything. I have a desire to rent some furniture, but then why, is it helping anything. Yes, it would give me a better security and comfort in a hard situation.

Being alone does allow much time to think, but I suppose I don’t want to think so I am always trying to find something to do. Moving rocks, pulling grass, cleaning the pool, and more such things keep me occupied so I don’t have to think. Perhaps that is why I so enjoy my adventure of travel in Central America – I didn’t have to think, just be and do each day as I felt. But then again, I’m here in Austin and facing all of the pain I have caused to others before my departure. I’ve never felt such alones as I do now. I feel abandoned, scared, unsure, and even fearful. I have no idea of what I’m supposed to be doing or why I am here. Maybe it’s for the best to be here, alone, without, and thoughtless.

Causing pain in others isn’t something I intend to do, but seem to do it constantly. Perhaps that is the reason I withdraw so much from others, the fear of hurting them causes such mental turmoil and anguish that I cannot bear it. I’m faced with the knowledge of such pains caused to others, but not sure of what to do to correct it. Who knows what will happen over the next few months, but this I do know, I’m here alone, very stressed, and feeling the urge to ‘run’, or as the person first mentioned said, ‘flee and leave it all behind.’ Yes, I flee, I run, I don’t want any connections, but deep within there is that child that cries out for help, for someone to grab me up and let me know I’m safe, I’m loved, and I have value.

Knowing Yourself

2008-03-24T00:27:00.000-05:00

As the violin plays some wonderful music, I sit in the Puerto Vallarta airport and listen, pondering some thoughts that have begun to creep into my mind, as a scorpion might creep into a small crevice to escape the heat. Even my thoughts have a life of their own, thus in order to escape from them I have to write them out, letting them find their own place in this world. Over the last many months of traveling, I have changed. I have grown into a person I like. No longer needed are the drugs, the alcohol, the meaningless sex, or the desire cease this life. It seems that traveling and learning how other people lived, learning that I could do things I didn’t think I could do have helped me come into my own. Even my words have changed, as noticed when communicating with my best friend. I’m comfortable just being now and have no desire to be something other than I am.

I’ve heard it said many times that in order to love yourself that you have to really know yourself. How does one get to know oneself when one cannot face the very self that exists? To accept the best and worst that one might be capable of doing or being is very important. I know who I am. I know that I am capable of great wrongs, even to the point of stealing, lying, and much worse; however, I’m also capable of great love, to the point that I can sacrifice my own desires to allow my love to show through for another person without loosing myself. I know I’m not educated as some, but more than others. I know I’m talented beyond most in ways that have been proven in my life. I can take something from nothing and turn it into something wonderful. I can make something out of nothing, such as all four of the businesses I have created. I can command respect and appreciation, but I can also create great disgust and admonition from others. I know my psychological triggers that cause my worst reactions to things and words. I know I possess great anger, but also great peace.

This is who I am, the person I have grown to accept and love. I’m the man with two names (Sebastian St.Troy and Jimmy Lynn Boney), with two families (the chosen one and the one I was born to), and the man who lives comfortable on a small government dividend each month. I no longer seek to run away from my past, rather now embracing it. As my past has made me who I am, it’s part of my being, my existence. I am my mother’s son, very much like her in many aspects, being, I suppose, the best part of my mother. I am my father’s son, even though not recognized as such for many years. I am the brother to my sister and brother. I am the friend to such as might be my friends.

As I contemplate where these acknowledgements might lead, I’m caught in a great web, the great web of life that connects everyone and everything. I am part of nothing, but connected to everything. I am nothing, but everything. Coming into my own peace of knowing who I am lends itself to a growth which is seen by others, as acknowledged by a graceful women last night at Garbo’s, where my best friend and I enjoyed cocktails and conversation. She told my best friend that, “he was likeable from the very first moment she saw me.” Perhaps it is the new way I carry myself, the new way of being secure in myself, or is it that because now I respect myself, others are respecting.

As my best friend says, “you never know a stranger..” This might be, however, those strangers are never met because something my mother taught me when I was very young. As I was boarding a plane, alone and without friends, she said, “they are only strangers if you allow them to be.” Thus, I’m the one, as everyone knows, who will easily and gracefully begin a conversation with someone. There are many things my mother taught me that I wish she could see how they have changed my life and how those lessons have brought me into the man that I am. Perhaps I’ve caused too much pain in that great ladies heart to allow her to forgive and begin a new conversation, but I still hope.

Yes, I’ve changed. I’ve grown. Now the future lies ahead of me in a way I never dreamed possible. It’s a future of hope, something long lost, but now regained. A calming assurance of knowing who I am has taken over where only self-doubt dwelt. Now the future is mine for the making, the molding, as I desire. Where will it all lead? Who knows but now I go gracefully, calmly, and securely into it to find out.

Of Being Alone

2008-03-13T21:31:00.000-05:00

Over the last few days, even though I've spent time with wonderful people, I've felt very alone. Is it that people who I have developed friendships over the years have gone or is it that I have greatly offended them. I figure I've offended a lot of people over the years, but have tried hard not to offend those who meant something to me lately. Perhaps I haven't changed that much, even though I feel that I have. I'm alone, even in a sea of people, always locked inside of my head, my thoughts, and wondering why I'm alone. I suppose I've always been alone. Such are the thoughts of my mind, but in reality I suppose even though I know I have great friends, that I'm alone.

What type of legacy shall I leave, or is it even important to leave a legacy? I suppose not, for such as I, that are born alone, live alone, and shall die alone shall never have a legacy, for we shall be as quickly forgotten as when we were born into this world. Maybe being alone, misunderstood, and such isn't so bad. But for now, I'm alone again, as usual, and trying to determine what I've done to deserve such as the way I've been treated of late.

Oh well, it's not that important, I suppose. If people cannot find a way to communicate that I have offended them or hurt them, then what am I to do. If one doesn't know then how can one make ammends, but then again, am I wrong in my thoughts and opinions?

Poisoned Ties, But Friendship Grows

2008-03-12T06:16:00.000-05:00

Poison
by Melissa Roberts

Words that need to be spoken should not accumulate inside.
The hurt, pain or jealousy a person feels can not hide.

Sorrow and anger can be and will be suppressed.
But this only leads to a person feeling depressed.

Anger is a deadly toxin in which the body it flows.
When it takes over limb by limb, everyone knows.

The body - The mind controls and manipulates.
As the poison enters the veins and circulates.

When the poison reaches the heart it's too late.
Disastrous emotions take over such as revenge and hate.

The antidote to cure these emotions, is not so hard to find.
We must search to learn to control our spirited bodies and minds.

Not but a single day past, a day spent alone and questioning the very reasons for the words spoken and actions taken the night previous, and now the words begin to flow of what end I'm uncertain, but nevertheless they flow. Sometimes friends and family can unknowingly, or is it knowingly because only they really know where to thrust the dagger for it's greatest affect, say things that cause such pain, hurt, and humiliation. Having endured such pains for many years and seldom speaking of them, over the years I have begun to change the feelings and respects of my heart regarding the persons from which such pains were derived.

There are times, such as I have learned, that it doesn't profit to say anything in response, however, with such times depression and questions arrive. Can I really respect the person that caused such a hurt that only time, oh mighty time if such that you could heal, can heal. Is it time or the ability to forget? Forget or forgive, it's all within the realm of friendship and love. For what friend hasn't done or said things in moments of anger, drunken states, or even casual jokes that could cause pain in the other friend.

Time has limited the number of friends I can call 'friend', but was it due to my crazy Bi-Polar life or was it something else. Perhaps my weakened heart has learned to just dismiss anyone who causes such pain in order to protect it from further abuse. Yes, this could be the case, however, knowing that there are many people lost over the years as friends only because they couldn't understand or just accept what I was going through also, mostly because my mental states through the various Bi-Polar stages doesn't have a way of understanding, especially when I cannot understand it myself.

It has taken years to let go of the past, at least as much as I can recall now, but still there lingers those little voices that insist for my person, my heart, to hold back and bar the door for emotions, friendships, and such for fear of being hurt again, even by those same people. Oh how little they really know of the pains suffered at their hands, if only they could see what was really inside my heart and how greatly it has suffered. Through reasons or beliefs of their own they speak, but shouldn't words be spoken in love, but even then, at least from my life, love is relative only to another's perspective, beliefs and conditioning.

Knowing that I myself have caused such as the same hurt in others have caused leads me to question just how we all survive friends and family over the years and still maintain friendships and family ties. As I've watched my family explode over the years, because of such now wearisome words, actions and emotions released, I wonder how such as it seemed a close family could ever be thrown so far from each other. I suppose time has allowed each to grow, to come to new understandings, and to improve their acceptance of others which now allows friendships to flourish and families to grow together.

Yes, the daggers have all been placed with deadly accuracy, however, the wounds will heal, if not healed, and hopefully only love and a new respect will surface. Surface not only because of the healed wounds, but because through words we can learn to share such pains with others and allow them to see such as it was from our perspective. Which once discovered hopefully leads to a new understanding of each other.

Yes, my best friend hurt me greatly the other night, which caused an unpleasant flight, but only through the hours, the day spent alone, could I find my way back to respect and love him again. Love, whatever it is or means, is just learning to accept people for who they are, willing to allow them to be who they are, and hopefully having them respect the same for you.

Thus, with time, and hopefully with grace, friendships will grow and the family ties will strengthen as we each learn to speak, not in anger, but in a true concern for the each other. Thus today is the day to speak of the hurt, not tomorrow or the next, with tenderness and concern. For there is a hope that those who have long past given up hope, given up love, and given up any idea of a tie might one day come around to realizing what has been lost and seek to restore such. Thus my blessings continue to my family and friends.

Promise Never To Untie
by Hope

The tender words are spoken
Each body and soul bared
Told secrets over endless days
Often doing more than dared

New world beyond my door
With intrigued and intensity
Now we have shared our hearts
A bond now made it permanently

Facing our days made easier
Despite any type of weather
Each other's heart felt deeply
Both happy we stuck together

It took us little time and effort
The bonding as strong as glue
I now promise never to untie
The strings I have tied with you

The understanding of each other
Breaths to take, we breathe the air
As the relationship interchanges
Knowing our loving hearts are there

Now we are never left on the outside
Lovingly enter each others domain
Smiling. laughing and forever teasing
But forever friends we then became.

Puerto Vallarta, Mexico

2008-03-09T09:23:00.000-05:00

Obtaining a nice tan hasn't been on my list of intentions, however, it's difficult not to obtain one when you spend every afternoon on the beach. Having come to visit my best friend, Jorge, and his partner, Rick, has been good. Puerto Vallarta is a beautiful city, although it seems to be over ran with tourists. The white sand beaches are ever full of handsome men in skimpy swim suits, which only leads to enjoyment of sitting on the beach every afternoon. But while here I've been thinking about my return to Austin.

While I was in Austin I received some wonderful gifts from a friend and client, Rebecca. Such gifts have allowed me to enjoy my stay here in Puerto Vallarta. The best gift was not the financial ones, but rather the friendship that was shown upon my return and the time spent together. I greatly enjoyed our walk around Town Lake, which was our custom in days before I departed the country. Rebecca had also informed Shannon and several others that I was in town, which allowed me to be able to attend Sam and Carol's birthday party. It was a delight to see everyone after such an absence. I'm beginning to believe in that old adage of 'absence makes the heart grow fonder.'

My stay with my friend Thumper, who opened his apartment to me, was a great chance to get better acquainted with him. He proved to be a great assistant while I attended to two new clients, a great chauffuer, and a good companion.

I'm not sure what life will be like through till May in a large unfurnished house and with no car, but I hope it will give me time to get more progress on my book and to find some time for further relaxation. Even while I've been here in Puerto Vallarta I've been restless, which was the cause of a day long hike down the beach where I discovered some awesome sand scupltures. I was going to get photos but quickly learned that the camera hadn't been placed in the small backpack.

Friends are wonderful people that I couldn't imagen not having in my life, as they provide such great warmth of spirit. I know it's not easy for them to be my friend, but I'm thankful that I have found such friends that work with me through my ongoing struggle with Bi-polar. Thank you to everyone of you for sticking with me through those times when I am blue.

Being Gay should be OK, Shouldn't it?

2008-03-02T10:03:00.000-06:00

I received an E-mail from a friend with a link to watch a section of Ellen Degeners' TV show. It was Ellen talking about a recent event of some note, an 8th grader killed a 15 year old boy in California because the boy, Larry King, was gay and had asked the other boy to be his Valentine. Ellen brings up some good issues about the way we talk about people who are gay. She stated that we need to change hate, and we can do it through voting for people who are about change and acceptance. Thus, I encourage anyone reading this to not allow others to talk badly about a person because they are gay, that includes basic jokes. I also encourage you to consider who you are voting for in the next election.

I'm a supporter of Barack Obama because the United States needs major changes. We don't need our troops in Iraq, we don't need to support the elite class and we don't need another reign of the George Bush, Republican nightmare. We do need change. Shouldn't we be more concerned with improving our educational system, our economy, and regaining most of the freedoms that George Bush and the Republicans have taken away?

It's time for CHANGE, it's long over due. What are you doing to change your life, the lives of those around you, and our country? If you're a Christian, then what are you saying, doing, and acting upon that isn't in compliance with the virtues of being "Christ-like? The Bible doesn't say it's OK to hate gay people, it doesn't say it's wrong to be gay, and if you recall, Christ was the one person who always associated with those that the current society deemed unworthy or unclean, he didn't hang out with the preachers of the day or any of the other church types. Thus, think about what it means to truly be a Christian and see how being Christ-like can change the world.

Here are some links taken from Ellen's website but are useful if you want to learn more about various organizations involved with changing how gay people are perceived.

The Trevor Project
The Trevor Project operates the nations only 24/7 crisis & suicide prevention helpline for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth. If you or a friend are feeling lost or alone call The Trevor Helpline. There is hope, there is help. The Trevor Helpline: 866-4-U-TREVOR.

PFLAG - Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays
PFLAG promotes the health and well-being of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons, their families and friends through: support, to cope with an adverse society; education, to enlighten an ill-informed public; and advocacy, to end discrimination and to secure equal civil rights. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays provides opportunity for dialogue about sexual orientation and gender identity, and acts to create a society that is healthy and respectful of human diversity.

GLASS - Youth & Family Services
Gay and Lesbian Adolescent Social Services (GLASS) is a private, non-profit 501(c) (3) social service agency dedicated to providing a wide range of social and health care services to children and youth who are in foster care, on probation, or who are homeless. We provide these services in safe, loving, supportive, non-judgmental living environments, while providing full access to all of the educational and vocational opportunities to which these youth are entitled.

GLAAD - Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation
The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) is dedicated to promoting and ensuring fair, accurate and inclusive representation of people and events in the media as a means of eliminating homophobia and discrimination based on gender identity and sexual orientation.

GLSEN - Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network
GLSEN, or the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, is the leading national education organization focused on ensuring safe schools for all students. Established nationally in 1995, GLSEN envisions a world in which every child learns to respect and accept all people, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity/expression. More than 3,800 Gay-Straight Alliance student clubs nationwide have registered with GLSEN. GLSEN also sponsors the National Day of Silence on April 25, which this year will be held in honor of Lawrence King.

Remembering Lawrence
Vigils in memory of Lawrence King, calling for an end to violence and harassment directed at lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people in schools, are being organized in communities across the country. This website lists future and past vigils across the country and allows organizers to register vigils in their area. The more events we organize, the louder our collective voice. Please help make sure that what happened to Lawrence never happens again.

The Austin Visit

2008-02-25T00:18:00.000-06:00

As I sit here contemplating the events of the last week and what lies ahead I'm overcome with many thoughts, some pleasant and some rather agitating. I was able to attend Tata and Sam's birthday party on Saturday, which was a great time and gave me a chance to see Shannon & Jeff, Lindsey, Michelle, and many other people I've met a few times before, but I was also able to meet a new client that same day and was able to assist her in preparing her home for sale. It was indeed a blessing to be able to work and earn some needed money for my adventures, but the best part is that I was able to meet a very nice lady. My friend Rebecca was the reason for Saturday's work, the birthday party invite, and another assignment I have on Wednesday. Rebecca and I will be spending part of Monday and a good portion of Tuesday together so I can see the results of her new backyard landscaping, which I designed before I left.

There are feelings of remorse for how I left Austin, however, I couldn't help my mental breakdown. Rebecca has been a good client and a great friend over the last few years and has grown to mean a lot to me. I look forward to being able to spend some time with her.

My friend Thumper is allowing me to stay at his house and has been driving me around town, serving as my assistant for the two appointments, and been a pleasure to get to know more. Tonight I was able to book my flight to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, and I will be departing Austin on March 4th. It will be good to see my best friend and spend some time with him there. Although there are many questions racing through my mind about why Momma Gretchen didn't answer my E-mail about coming into Austin to visit me while I am here. I'm sure it's because she's busy, but my thoughts are worried ones that maybe she doesn't hold such high opinions of me any more.

I've been able to meet people I had lost contact with, even from years ago, which has been good for me. However, some of these people have such changed lives that I wonder how they get along now. I've been being pulled back into a desire to hang out with some old friends, but I know it probably wouldn't be in my best interest to do so. Thus, I will allow the universe to guide me and trust that the angels will guard my path.

I was able to purchase a new backpack, some new hiking sandels, and get a dufflebag ready for shipping to my sister's home for storage. The new backpack is very nice and can be zipped up for travel on a plane, train, or bus or it can be unzipped and used as a backpack. It came with a detachable smaller backpack which I can use to store the laptop and other valuables that I want to keep close to me. I've decided to travel again with the laptop even though I might be going through some countries that are currently fighting. It has been very valuable for me to have the laptop with me because I can make phone calls from my Skype account, I can search the internet for useful travel information, and keep up with my E-mails.

Now I'm sitting here wondering why I cannot sleep, as I've been writing about the things that are on my mind, but I suppose there is a lot more. I'm not sure what the next many months will hold in store, but, even though I'm a bit afraid this time, I'm ready to go. It was good to be back in Austin and I know I will always have some great friends here.

Delay in Atlanta

2008-02-17T17:19:00.000-06:00

An UPDATE: Well, after I wrote the first part of this I had hopes of being on a flight, even several times delayed, to Austin, however, the universe had other ideas in mind. Now I'm sitting in the main area of the Atlanta airport waiting for a flight in the morning at 6:30 AM, because after several delays, boarding and sitting on the plane for an hour, the flight was canceled. Now, it wasn't only I put out by all of this, you should have seen the chaos as what seemed liked thousands of people hurried to get to a Delta agent to get a new flight and find out if they were going to get accommodations for the night, which much to my dismay, I didn't, nor did anyone else. If an airline cancels a flight, they should provide some sort of accommodations if they cannot book another flight that day. But alas, I'm now trying to sort out what type of sleeping arrangements I can find here, as most of the chairs, benches, and floors are taken up with various sorts probably asking themselves the same questions I'm asking about tonight.

Now here is the original Post:

It’s raining here in Atlanta as I watch the slow moving line of planes make their way along the tarmac for their turn to take off into that dark, gray, wet, and foreboding sky. There’s a woman with a small child, probably around 2, playing in front of me, with others around doing various things from drinking coffee to taking naps. The gray skies match my mood of sadness on this day. Although I’ve been able to utilize clean toilets (where you actually get to put the toilet paper in the toilet and not in the trash can), to eat a great Checker’s burger, and been able to sit in a clean space I find myself missing something that was left behind. Or is it, I presume, is a part of me that was left behind, that part of me that longs for travel and adventure, to be free from the restraints of society, of family and obligations?

Yes, I’ll freely admit that I’ve never liked having restraints of any kind placed upon me, perhaps that is why I do not have a boyfriend and why I struggle with relationships of any kind. Is it this fear of being trapped, restricted, or what I perceive as limited in some way that is keeping me from finding a meaningful relationship? Yes, it could be, and so much more.

What amusements, what sundry ridicules, what pains, and what pleasures lie ahead in Austin I can only speculate, but I’m here watching the tiny rain droplets gather force along the large windows, slowly gathering force to create a small stream of water, and thinking of things to come. The planes move slowly further along their path and the little boy is still playing joyfully with his mother, while I sit here typing and awaiting the call over the speakers to board the flight for Austin.

Still waiting, waiting, longing, ready to go, but alas, due to the weather here there has been a delay. There might be yet another delay because we were supposed to board a few minutes ago, but they haven’t said anything about boarding. I keep an ever-watchful eye on the attendant and an open ear to hear the announcements over the speakers.

I’ve called Thumper, my friend that has offered his place as a refuge, and my friend Rebecca, who I will be spending all day Monday with to catch up. Now I’m sitting on the tile floor because that is the only place where a power-point station is for the laptop and I’m posting this message, checking emails, and making use of the now free time. What awaits me upon my return only time will tell, however, I return a changed man with new beliefs about what I can accomplish.

The Eve of a Return

2008-02-16T20:02:00.000-06:00

As I sit here in the TV room at the Hostel Pangea, where I have enjoyed many a conversation and movie, thoughts run through my mind about my return to the states. What will it be like to be back in Austin after my lengthy absence? How will I find my friends doing? But I know that no matter what, for now, the return is just temporary as I have a strong desire to keep traveling.

I returned here to the Hostel Pangea because that was were my bags were stored over the last few months, however, upon my return I found huge price increases. Thus, I doubt I shall return to the Hostel Pangea because it's not really affordable now. I am sure in time they will learn that increasing prices so much will only hurt the good reputation that they developed amongst the backpackers because the backpackers will start talking about another location instead. Granted, it's a nice place, but it has the feel of a prison these days with all of the new controls. There isn't a place to have quiet because there is music playing every where, including outside where the guard stands, which gets to be annoying in the TV room because we have to keep turning the volume up just to hear the TV. It would be nice if they could make some changes and only play music in certain areas, have the guard turn down his radio, and create some nice sitting areas where people could just relax. But I'm sure what happens with their business will only be determined by time, but as for me, I doubt I shall return.

I like to find new places, and as such, will look to find a new place in San Jose to stay when I need to be here. But, for now, I have to think of what I shall be doing back in Texas and planning my trip through Mexico. A trip that I'm excited about doing, mostly because of being able to visit with my best friend in Puerto Vallarta. I've decided after Mexico to go see the Northern parts of Guatemala that I missed, like Tikal and Sumuc Champey, and hopefully go to see more of El Salvador.

I've packed my bags, taken a shower, shaved, and prepared myself for the trip at 6 AM for the airport. It's going to be a long day as I don't get into Austin until almost 7 PM. I'll admit I'm nervous about returning, but am excited about seeing my friends there like Rebecca, Brink, Thumper, Patricia, and maybe some of my adopted family. If any of you are reading this, just remember this Thursday will be margaritas at El Arroyo on Far West Blvd. from 2 till 6 PM. See you then.

Thoughts about Things

2008-02-14T15:38:00.001-06:00

Over the last 3 and a half months I've been traveling throughout Central America and haven't had much chance of being by myself, mostly because of sleeping in Hostel dorm rooms, traveling in over-crowded local transports, and in general just because the nature of backpacking doesn't really allow one to be alone. Although I have found a few times to be alone, they have been few and far between. My best friend recently asked how my mental health was doing and I replied that it was doing good because I haven't been able to be alone so that my mind could wonder off into those wilds of the imagination of which I am accustomed to doing. But, there is one thing. It seems I'm always in my own fantasy world, even amongst a group of people.

Over the last few days, while I've been relaxing before my return to Texas, I've been able to be truly alone. I've noticed my energy level drop, a slight depression return, and a sense of forlorn developing. Even though I'm learning to travel on very little money, I'm always a bit nervous about how far the money will stretch and what will happen if I get stuck somewhere along the way without funds. Thus this very thought keeps me active in my control of money and doesn't allow for over spending. Even how I have set my intentions to travel again are based upon the cheapest possible travel through Mexico.

The one thing I've realized over the last while is that even though I may feel alone, I'm not really. I have some great friends and family who care a lot about me and when I get a chance I've been trying to connect with them as best as possible. Maybe venturing into the unknown back in Austin has me a bit nervous because I left there in an almost mental breakdown, which I know caused great stress upon all of my relationships. I cannot ever even try to explain what happened to me before I left, but even when I tried I couldn't find a way to communicate with anyone. It was as if I was locked inside my own head, not able to feel, to talk, to do anything.

Traveling has helped bring me out of that breakdown, but now the nervousness of a return has come about. The best thing about returning now is that I hope to get to see my best friend when I start traveling through Mexico for a bit. I've learned a lot along the way down here, the most important is the value of friendships, which aren't easily gained and even harder to maintain, but I'm assured are worth the trouble of maintaining. For true friends are those that don't have to fully understand, but still stick by you when things might not be going so well.

I know I haven't always been a good friend to people, but these days I'm trying and I hope that counts for something. Here's a special Valentine's Day note to all of my friends:

Thank you for being my friends, even my family, as I count you all my family, whether born to it or by becoming part of it by choice. I hope that at best I've been able to add some color into your lives, along with warmth, intelligent or youthful conversations, and a love of which I really do have for each of you. Thus, I send you all blessings of great love in relationships, in your families, and in your friendships! Happy Valentine's Day!

Returning to Austin in February

2008-02-11T15:14:00.001-06:00

Wow, what a whorl wind of adventures of late. Sometimes traveling with a nice laptop isn’t very comfortable because of the fear of something happening to it. Such has been the case lately, until my arrival here in San Jose, Costa Rica; thus, I haven’t been able to write much. I now have one week here before I fly back to Austin to see my doctor, return the laptop to a safe location, buy a nice backpack (because I need one to travel such as I am now), and determine what limited clothing I’ll be taking with me as I begin traveling again through Mexico, back down through Central America and down into South America. My current intentions are to travel to Puerta Vallarta to see Jorge and Rick in March and then continue South until I get to Panama before finding a way through the Panama Canal to Cartagena, Columbia, where I’ll begin my South America travels.

For now I’m going to try to recall some of the adventures of the past month and write about them. I’ve already posted the photos from the adventures so you’ll have to scroll down to find the various photos.

Isle de Ometepe and San Juan del Sur

2008-02-11T15:11:00.000-06:00

After arriving in San Jorge (the name brought fond memories of my best friend after the same name) we quickly boarded the ferry to the island. The trip took about 45 minutes and surprisingly a lot of people were sea-sick, but I enjoyed the ride with the breeze and waves. Arriving in Moyagalpa you realized how small the town was and it’s the largest town on the island. We quickly found a place to stay called the Hospedaje Ali, checked in and got comfortable in the room. It was late so we just relaxed that evening.

The next morning we walked around town enjoyed breakfast at the American Café and Hotel. We had met Simone and her husband, Robert, the day before while walking into town. They have only been open for 7 weeks, but it’s a great place with great food. After sending her a lot of business for breakfast and lunch she offered us a room at a reduced rate, which we took that night. It was the first time in some while that I enjoyed a nice long hot shower. You see most places in Central America don’t have hot water.

The next day we rented a local jeep to tour the island, but it was made fun because I arranged for 9 others to go in with me to rent it. Thus we had 10 people and 5 backpacks in the jeep. We visited El Ojo de Aqua (the eye of the water), a natural mineral spring with crystal clear, cool, and refreshing water. We drove on to other parts of the island including doing some four wheeling to get up to Mirador del Diablo, a look out point that allowed for incredible views of the island. We wanted to go see Isle de Congo where the monkeys are, but soon found out that there were only 5 monkeys on the island, not native but imported by a local hostel to attract business; thus we didn’t kayak out but continued on after eating lunch at a local establishment.

The next bit of travel was down some very rough roads to get to various beaches, such as Charco Verde and Santo Domingo, some other locations and finally to Finca Magdelana. We left 5 of the people there so the return trip to town was very comfortable. We spent the night again at the American Café and Hotel but were on the ferry the next morning to catch a bus to San Juan del Sur. Robert, the husband of Simone, was also on the ferry and offered to take us in his taxi to Rivas so we could catch our bus. We caught the bus and were off to San Juan del Sur.

My first impression of San Juan del Sur was that of new developments which were driving up local real estate prices. The town is small and is set on a beautiful beach, however, we decided to stay up the beach a bit in Maderas. The trip to Maderas was via 4-wheel drive trucks with seats in the back and it was a rough trip where I bounced most of the way. Playa Maderas was incredible and one of the places I enjoyed the most and will consider returning to at some point. The contrast between the two towns was remarkable in that Maderas only had two places to stay and one restaurant. Thus in the evenings we enjoyed a bonfire on the beach while drinking Flor de Cana, the official rum of Nicaragua.

Although the place was incredible there seemed to be some drama amongst the many campers because things were being stolen so I decided to cut my stay short and head to San Jose via a Tica Bus. After 4 days in Maderas I managed to get quickly and smoothly into Costa Rica and San Jose. This is where I am now. I’m resting and preparing myself to return to Austin for a bit to take care of things.

Granada, Nicaragua

2008-02-11T15:10:00.000-06:00

After some weeks traveling via chicken buses I decided to take a shuttle from Leon to Granada at a cost of $15 US. Upon arrival in Granada I checked into the Bearded Monkey, a nice local hostel set in the historic part of Granada. I relaxed for the day in the hostel enjoying the artwork and the company of others from all over the world. The following day Moran and I decided to rent bicycles for the day at a cost of $5 US. We toured the city all day stopping along the way at various places to try the local food, see the market, walk along the lake, and rest in parks.

The bicycles aren’t new and my seat wasn’t very comfortable because it kept moving on me, but still the fun was had and we saw parts of town we wouldn’t have gone through would we have walked. Each night was spent listening to Salsa music at Café Nuit, which was just around the corner from the hostel.

The people in Granada were very friendly and I enjoyed my stay there a lot. It’s one of those places you could enjoy staying for a bit and maybe even living there. However, I wanted to see other things so I went to the Monkey Hut (owned by the Bearded Monkey) on Lago de Apoyo. I had been spending time on various beaches without sun block but here I managed to get the worse burn I’ve had in years. Now weeks later and the peeling has almost stopped, but I now wear sun block. Some of the people there didn’t know they had to bring their own food so we managed to prepare a nice spaghetti dinner and a great breakfast for 7 people with the food we brought, which we all enjoyed eating on the balcony of the Monkey Hut. The highlight was getting to kayak around the lake for a bit, which left my arms a bit stronger but sore. Then, of course, there was the night we swam out to the raft and laid under the stars just talking and enjoying the quiet night.

Next it was onto Isle de Ometepe, which is a volcanic island in Lago de Nicaragua (the big lake in Nicaragua). We had to catch a local bus to take us to Masaya and then walk a bit to catch another bus to take us down to Rivas and San Jorge.

Here is the link to the Google Map of Nicaragua.

Leon, Nicaragua

2008-02-11T15:09:00.001-06:00

My arrival in Leon was via a short chicken bus ride from the orphanage, where I had been doing volunteer work (and where I learned some valuable lessons about people, religion, and maybe why I have such a dislike for people who call themselves something they really aren’t – because I always present a picture of who I am which I’ve colored to reflect a different person, not myself – and where I did meet some wonderful people.). My arrival was early in the morning and I didn’t sleep well the night before so I caught a local taxi to the Big Foot Hostel, where I had to wait until 11 for check-in.

After checking in I laid down for a nap before venturing around the town. Although the town is large it seemed like a very small village. There was a mix of types of travel in the city, everything from horse-drawn carts to motorcycles. I found the little trucks that ran through the town picking up people very interesting because it’s not something you would find in the States, and it was cheaper than a taxi. I had a take one of these trucks to catch a chicken bus to Las Playitas (the beach about 45 minutes from Leon).

While I was in Leon I met a group from Norway (70 of them in all – 62 girls and 8 guys) who were there to study Spanish as part of their University programs. Of these people I enjoyed hanging out with Mari, Sofie, Mia, and Trinnie. Mia had a birthday while we were there and we all celebrated it on the beach in a private home owned by Edwardo’s family as a weekend house. It was nice to hang out with some local people (all men), the four girls, and Ben from London. We spent the day playing in the pool, walking along the beach, swimming in the ocean, and enjoying a great meal towards sunset (prepared by the local men). Las Playitas is one of these up and coming spots and the tourism is now being developed. However, the big draw for Leon is Volcan Cerro Negro.

Volcan Cerro Negro is Nicaragua’s newest volcano. It’s only a 45-minute hike to the top and another 5-minute hike to the crater. It’s an active volcano and has been erupting every 7 years, but hasn’t since 1999. This fact only led to the excitement about going on the trip up. Our trip was led by Kim from Australia and girlfriend of the owner of the Big Foot Hostel. After hiking up to the top we dropped off our bags and boards and went walking to the crater and to enjoy the surrounding views before returning to get ready to board down the volcano. Kim instructed each of us about how to stay on the slender boards, how to keep our balance, and some other useful information. We all dressed up in our orange jump suits, put on our goggles and prepared for the trip down. The women all went first and did very well. The men followed based upon whether they wanted to go slow or fast, with the faster ones going last. I was next to last, but the man after me went much slower than I did. You can see the video in my Blog about my crash, which was caused by me leaning a bit too much and losing my balance.

Although I was very sore the following day, the adventure was fun and provided some excitement, not to mention some interesting conversations for others and myself. The time in Leon was short because I wanted to see other parts of Nicaragua.

Nicaragua Beaches, Islands and Me

2008-02-10T13:09:00.000-06:00

Here are photos of Playa Maderas, San Juan del Sur, Isle de Ometepe, people I've met, places I've stayed, and photos of me.

Nicaragua Photos

2008-02-10T12:34:00.000-06:00

Photos of Nicaragua include the border, a monument in Managua, the orphanage, new friends in Leon from Norway, the Big Foot Hostel, and some more churches.

Cerro Negro in Nicaragua

2008-02-10T12:14:00.000-06:00

Photos from my adventures in Leon, Nicaragua, at Volcan Cerro Negro.

Photos from the Musuem in Copan Ruinas, Honduras

2008-02-10T11:34:00.000-06:00

Here are some photos taken at the museum for the ruins of Copan Ruinas, Honduras. The red temple was a full scale model of the actual one that exists under one of the big temples.

Aqua Terminales, Gracias, Honduras

2008-02-10T11:21:00.000-06:00

Here are some photos of Aqua Terminales just outside of Gracias, Honduras, where I spent the day after hiking Celaque because my knee was very sore. It was a natural hot spring and felt very good.

My Travel Map - Places I´ve Been

2008-02-09T13:37:00.000-06:00

Create your own travel map or travel blog

Visit TripAdvisor.com

San Juan del Sur, Playa Maderas.

2008-02-06T12:44:00.000-06:00

I´m on the beach just outside of San Juan del Sur, Nicaragua. I don´t have internet on the beach, but I´m going to be out there relaxing for a while. Buen Dias!

Granada, Nicaragua

2008-01-29T08:58:00.000-06:00

I´m now in Granada, Nicaragua, after spending several days in Leon. I´m heading down to Isle de Ometepe and then San Juan del Sur. I should be back in Costa Rica by the 13th of February. Limited access to the internet here. And, they cut the water off every day because of a water shortage (I´m sure there is no shortage, the city is on a huge lake, but it is probably something else the government is doing). I haven´t had a shower in two days now. Tomorrow we head to the lake just so we can feel a bit cleaner. Well, have a great day.

Photos of Celaque

2008-01-26T21:15:00.001-06:00

Here are some of the photos I took while hiking Celaque in Honduras. It was an incredible hike.

Gracias, Honduras Photos

2008-01-26T21:02:00.000-06:00

Yes, I know this section is a bit messed up because I didn't have a lot of time or internet while traveling through Honduras. Here are some photos of Gracias, Honduras.

My hotel, views of the city, the town square, dirt roads, some churches, and some of the roads and buses we took to get to Gracias.

Cerro Negro Volcan, Leon, Nicaragua

2008-01-25T18:28:00.000-06:00

Yes, this is my adventure of attempting to board down a volcano, but most of what you will see is my crash. Even though I'm very sore today, it was a great adventure.

Museum photos from Copan Ruinas Honduras.

2008-01-22T20:54:00.001-06:00

The first photo was taken from the Hacienda San Lucas, where we enjoyed a nice glass of wine and relaxed for the sunset views above Copan Ruinas, Honduras. We met the owner and talked with her. All of the other photos are of things in the museum, including a life sized replica of the temple buried beneath one of the existing temples. You can see this temple if you take one of the tunnel tours.

Photos of Ruins at Sepultura

2008-01-19T19:52:00.001-06:00

Photos of Copan Ruinas

2008-01-19T18:54:00.001-06:00

Christians and Christianity

2008-01-18T18:15:00.000-06:00

A Special Note to my father: Please understand that the comments made about something you do isn't an indication that I do not desire to communicate with you, but rather, my thoughts about a situation. I hope you understand and can respect my beliefs even though they are different from yours.

Back in 1991 I left the Southern Baptist Association and requested that my name be permanently removed from their registry, not because I didn't believe in something greater than myself, but because I began to clearly see what the people that called themselves "Christians" were really like and how much they hated, lied, and other wise caused so much trouble throughout the world in the name of a god and a cause. Over the years I have struggled with this decision because of family pressures, however, after spending a few days here at an orphanage outside of Managua, Nicaragua, it has become easier to walk away from anyone or anything called "Christian."

I’ve witnessed people claiming to be a Christian, but condemn so many other people, I’ve watched as people used a worth while cause to benefit themselves, not the cause as represented. Yes, I’m sure it’s a good thing that the children have a home, but perhaps Christians aren’t the ones who should be rearing children.

Not only will I be departing here, but I now have an even stronger call to not put up with such things from anyone ever again, including my father; who, although I realize it’s his way of trying to communicate with me, sends me these emails about Christianity. I wish those that call themselves “Christians” would actually live the life indicated in the Bible and do what is taught in the scriptures: Love, be a servant, accept, and so much more. However, that’s not what they do. Why call yourself something when you don't live the life.

I don’t claim to be anything more than I am, even if sometimes I don’t know who that is, nor do I attempt to force my ideas upon others.

I’m sure my father is a good man, however, I don’t know who he is, except for the little Christian messages he sends me sometimes. I don’t hold anything against my father for the many ills done over the years, especially as a child, but I do wish instead of sending all of those messages that he would actually make an attempt to get to know who I am and give me the chance to get to know who he is. It’s been many years since I’ve really talked with anyone in my family much, and I’ve made attempts at reaching them, but it seems they don’t want any part of me.

I travel now alone, as I suppose it’s all ordained I should by whatever belief you have. Yes, I’m outspoken, judgmental, egotistical, a thief, and much worse, but at least I own up to it all and work to change my thoughts. Like when I saw the man walking along the street with a sign around his neck asking for money. He was apparently put out on the street by his family to beg for money because he was retarded, however, all I could do was hold back all of the tears as I watched. My heart goes out to them all, but I know that fate will reveal it’s hand in time for each of them, I just hope it’s good for each of them.

Thus, there are many books, websites, and other sources that deal with the many negative aspects of Christianity, but I’m sure you can find them on your own. For now I’m taking a stand against such things, kicking off the dust from my feet and moving forward with my life now with a firmer believe in something that I don't like.

Another day in Gracias

2008-01-15T18:41:00.000-06:00

– January 9, 2008

Another restless night of sleep because my skin was itching a lot and I’m not sure why, but I was up by 8 drinking a cup of coffee. A quick run to the local panaderia for some pan de banana and we were off to Aqua Termales, the local hot springs. We arrived there shortly after 9:30 am and were soon soaking in the hot water. After several months of only showers, some only cold, this felt good. It was so nice to sit and soak in the hot water and swim a bit. For an hour we just relaxed in the quiet, wooded area enjoying the luxury of the heated water and being fully immersed in the water. We had another hour before the tuc-tuc would arrive to pick us back up so we dressed and walked to the nearby hotel and restaurant for a quick lunch.

Upon our arrival Ariel had to quickly grab her bags and head to the bus area to catch her bus to San Pedro Sula. I found out that the only banks that could take a MasterCard were in Santa Rosa, the same town Ariel was going to first before catching another bus. Thus I walked with her to the bus area and rode into Santa Rosa. My Spanish is improving, but I still feel inadequate for conversation, which was proven on my return trip when an older man sat next to me and began talking to me and I couldn’t understand anything he was saying. I returned alone to Gracias and rested for a bit in the hotel room before going to get dinner. Today was a relaxing day, however, I really think I have to make a stronger attempt at learning Spanish. The best thing is that I can now at least get most of the words out in some order to get information and the best part is that I can actually understand why the people say.

I decided to stay another night here in Gracias in hopes of getting a lot of rest tomorrow before taking a day in chicken buses to Tegucigalpa and then onto Managua, Nicaragua. I have set my intentions to be in Tegucigalpa for a few days to get a travel guide and access the internet before going onto Nicaragua. Shannon in Austin sent me a contact for a place to stay in Managua, a lady she knows that owns a couple of orphanages. I had sent her an email and the lady replied so I may stay for a few days helping as I can in exchange for a room to stay. Leon, Granada, and Isle de Ometepe on Lago Nicaragua are some of the places I hope to visit on my way back to Costa Rica. For now I’m re-reading my Spanish notes and listening to Spanish TV in hopes of improving my Spanish. Buenos noches y Buenas suenas (good night and good dreams).

Thursday, January 10, 2008

A day of rest was called for today, however, I had hoped to be able to explore the town of Gracias a bit more. After writing in my journal I took my medicine and was fast asleep by 11:30 pm, but the night was restless and full of dreams, which meant I actually got to rem sleep. Waking up at 4 pm today wasn’t something I had planned, however, I suppose my body needed the rest after all of the strenuous things I’d been doing. I managed to get out for an early dinner and then returned to my room, where I’ve been ever since watching Spanish TV and playing computer games. Now I have to pack and get ready to depart here early in the morning. I hope to make it to Tegucigalpa tomorrow, however, if the buses don’t get me there before dark then I may stay in one of the small towns along the way. Now to pack up my things and set my alarm for 4:30 am to catch the 5 am bus out to La Esperanza. I hope there are buses there that will take me on to the capital.

Parque Nacional Celaque

2008-01-15T18:40:00.000-06:00

– Tuesday, January 8^th.

We were up early at 6 am to get ready for our hike and meet our transportation that was arranged yesterday at 6:30. Marco is one of the only tour guides in town and only has a typical Toyota van, however, he was very helpful, kind, and eager to assist. He’s also the head of the local tourism board. An hour later and we were at the Visitor Center and about to begin a journey that neither of us were fully prepared for but greatly enjoyed.

Celaque is a pristine cloud forest and is the headwaters for 14 rivers in Honduras. A cloud forest is a forest where the peaks are usually always in the clouds, thus it’s damp. We began our journey along a wide path that followed the river by the Visitor Center and soon crossed a basic wood bridge. For 2 hours we hiked to get to an “area de descanso” (an area of rest) at 1800 meters, but this hike wasn’t for the faint hearted as it was steep and switched up the mountain (montana) making it rough travel through very old and tall pines and other trees. The next part of the journey lead along a path that crossed 6 small streams, each with some unusual little waterfall and this was equally as difficult, however, because we had to go down to get to the streams and then back up it didn’t seem like we were always climbing. We finally reached Don Tomas, an old clay structure, which now serves as a campsite at 2000 meters. Here we enjoyed peanut butter sandwiches, plantain chips, and 30 minutes of rest after the 2 hour hike from the first rest area.

The hand-drawn map we had said “wild growth” but we couldn’t imagine what that meant until we began to hike past the river again and upwards to the summit. The trees were covered in moss, bromeliads, and orchids and the trail was so small that at times we would have to look around for the small ribbons that marked the trail. The hike up was very steep but didn’t seem like so much work either because of the rest break or because the trail was much more pleasant and cooler. Wild growth meant dense jungle and there were two areas of the trail that created adventures – one area had washed away and we had to precariously cross over mud, rocks, and trees; the other area was where a large tree had fallen along the path and we had to climb on top of the tree for at least 30 feet. I should say that this whole area was an adventure because the trail was so narrow it was hard to find in most places. It was cool, wet, slippery, and exciting. By the time we reached the summit of this mountain at 2383 meters we were ready for a break. The view from the summit was awesome because we could see the whole valley below and the rest of the park that we didn’t have time to climb. The other trails led up to the highest point in Honduras at 2849 meters, however, this is a two-day hike and requires camping on the mountain in a very rustic manner.

From the summit it was mostly down hill, however, there were areas that required upward movement. The most exciting part of this hike was that we walked along the ridge of the mountain, which was so narrow that you had to always watch your footing or you could go tumbling down either side of the mountain quickly. The hike down was quicker, but did create quite a bit of excitement each time one of us would slip on the wet leaves and slide a bit, such as the time I slipped and went tumbling down the mountainside only being stopped by a small group of trees. We were both pleased when we would reach a somewhat level area because at this point our legs were so tired that it was beginning to be hard to walk downhill. The sound of water increased so we knew we were getting closer to the river, which meant being closer to the end of our hike. After passing a very pleasant grassy field we reached the river. A short hike further down and we were at the Visitor Center 15 minutes before our transport was due to arrive, thus we had time to rest in the grass, enjoy the quiet, and contemplate the fact that we were the only two people in the entire park. Talk about an experience.

Rest was required for at least 30 minutes upon return to our hotel, then showers, and out to dinner, where we enjoyed vegetarian enchiladas with chips and some great salsa. The food here is very flavorful, unlike that in Guatemala, which is very bland. I think we’ll be going to the hot springs tomorrow morning.

Leaving Copan

2008-01-15T18:39:00.001-06:00

While enjoying a cup of coffee again on the rooftop of Villamil in Copan Ruinas Ariel and I decided to travel to an area of Honduras that isn’t visited by many tourists, Gracias. Thus we quickly packed our backs, checked out of the hotel, and walked to the bus terminal (well not really a terminal but where all the chicken buses gather). $5 US, 5 hours, and 3 buses later we were in Gracias. One of the highlights of the travel was when one of the little buses put a dog on the roof. We heard the poor thing barking most of the trip. The other highlight was when we boarded the last bus to Gracias in Santa Rosa de Copan. Our bus driver saw the last bus leaving Santa Rosa and flagged it down, thus both buses were stopped in the middle of the road. We had to quickly obtain our large backpacks from the little bus and put them on the larger bus. Ariel was able to go to the front of the bus and obtain a seat, however, I was ushered into the back door of the bus and had to stand for almost the entire hour of the trip with two small boys under my feet and other men standing with me.

As we arrived in Gracias we both began talking about maybe why this wasn’t such a great town because the roads were dirt and it didn’t seem very well developed. However, within a few hours we were enjoying the town, the people and the local food. We are staying in the Hotel Fernando, which is a very nice little hotel for the money ($8 US per night). The dinner at Guancascos was incredible and the views were even better. Here we talked with two people from the states who were here doing volunteer work with Peace Corps. We learned about whom to contact to get transportation to the Visitor station to the national park. Parque Nacional Celaque is the highest peak in Honduras and is covered at the top with a cloud forest. We found out that to hike to the summit took two days and we would have to rent camping gear so we decided to hike one of the trails that was only a one day hike. We went to Café Jarral to meet with the local guide who could provide transportation to the visitor center and arranged for a ride in the morning at 6:30. He will come back to the Visitor Center at 4 to bring us back to town.

One of the people we talked to at Guancascos was here assisting in developing the tourism aspects for the national park. She said that one of the problems was that there wasn’t a good means of transportation from the town to the park entrance and currently the roads required a 4-wheel drive. We could walk but it takes one and a half hours from town just to get to the Visitor Center, thus the decision to hire a truck to take us there at a cost of $600 Lempira ($30 US). Now we are relaxing in our room (habitacion) where it is very quiet and relaxing except for the occasional barking dog. This quiet aspect is a respite from the noise in Antigua, Guatemala. Tomorrow will be an interesting day as there aren’t very many tourists in town and even on the buses we were the only gringos.

Sunday, January 2008 in Honduras

2008-01-15T18:16:00.001-06:00

Hoy es Domingo. It’s Sunday, January 06, 2008, and I am now in Honduras. I’m in the department (it’s like a county or parish) called Copan, in the town of Copan Ruinas, and I’m staying in the Posada de Blessy. The preferred hostels were full so instead of paying $4 per night, I’m now paying $13. There is a lot to do here in this tranquil, friendly, hillside village. The roads, well the ones in the center of town, are paved with stones, and the others are dirt. It only took a short time to realize that the people here are a heritage mix, not Mayan like in Guatemala, and in my opinion much nicer. The Mayan archaeological site ($15 entry fee) here is the main attraction although I’ve discovered many other things that I want to do here. I spent hours yesterday in the main park and took a lot of photos. Our guide (which cost each person in our group $4) was Saul and he was very informative, talkative, and friendly.

The park is divided into various areas: The Ball Court, The Great Plaza, The Hieroglyphic Stairway, The Aeropolis, Temple 16, and the Tunnels. There are actually three parks: The Main Site, Las Sepulturas and Los Sapos. I hope to visit the other two today, as the ticket is good for them today. It was amazing to walk through ruins and imagine (we all know what a vivid imagination I have) what the city looked like all painted and fixed up, full of people and ceremonies, and what a city like this was like to live in. Everywhere you looked there were large hills, which are actually ruins that have crumbled over the years. They have only just begun (in 1980) to treat this area as an archaeological site, thus only certain areas have been cleared or restored. One interesting note about the restorations is that when they started clearing the jungle away from the ruins things started disentigrating rapidly because of the sun exposure, so now they only clear away the trees that are required for certain areas. Being on top of the mountain you can see for miles. It’s hard to describe everything I saw here so I’ll let the photos speak for me, however, it was a great experience.

Yesterday was overcast and a bit cool, but today the sun is shining and I hear music from a nearby church. Even though the words are in Spanish I recognize the music so it must be a protestant type of church. I’m curled up in my bed typing and will soon take a shower and head out for the day. One of the things I have to do today is decide what clothes to remove from my large back-pack as it was overloaded and very heavy. I didn’t have any cold weather clothes so I bought some in Guatemala. Now I am over loaded and need to shed some things so my load is something I can carry. I found a nice place to eat breakfast nearby so I will go there to start my day and then go venture into the other areas of interest here.

After enjoying a cup of coffee, a coffee flan, and a juice drink with Ariel we ventured off to see the ruins of Septulturas. It was quite a walk, but the day was cool and the walk enjoyable. As we walked we enjoyed the sites of the hillsides, river, and occasional farm. At first there didn’t seem to be much at the site, but after walking for a bit through the forest we came upon the first set of ruins. It was the area where the locals lived. It was very relaxing, quiet and not covered with tourists. We talked about what each of the buildings could have been and how they lived. After a bit of walking around we decided to explore the rest of the forest trail, which turned out to be a good thing because we found many other sites with ruins, including the temple of the scribes. This area was incredible as it was very close to the river and would have been completely walled in except for the grand stair case and avenue that lead up to it. Some of the photos you’ll see show the underground cisterns, sewage systems, and some unknown aspects that were all under ground. There is also a photo of how water was sent around town through little stone troughs. Because some of the treasures were in risk of being damaged they were removed from the site and put in a wonderful museum, but they replaced them with replicas. Thus, after walking back towards town we stopped by the museum to see what was there. You enter through the mouth of a mystical being and into a very dark tunnel that winds around and then you see a bit of light at the end.

When your eyes adjusted to the light you couldn’t help but notice the star attraction to the museum, the true to scale replica of a temple found under temple 16 at the main ruins. They found this building completely intact under the other temple, which was built on top of this temple. The museum provided even more insight into what each item represented and how the Maya civilization lived and worked. The museum was a treat. By this time it was closing in on 3 pm so we decided to walk back into town and catch a snack before dinner.

Fried vegetable balls with a cold curry sauce, some curry fries, and carrot soup and we were off to the hotel to grab some things before our next walk up another area. Hacienda San Lucas took 35 minutes to get to by foot, but the walk was incredible as we went by the river, through agricultural areas and then up a large hill. We had hoped to be able to eat dinner at this incredible lodge, however, we didn’t have reservations and couldn’t get a seat for dinner. However, we did get to sit and watch the sunset, enjoy the wonderful views of the valley, and get to hear the story from the owner of how the place came to be. They only used electricity in certain areas so most of the restaurant and lodge were lit by candle light and torches. After spending several hours just relaxing we paid our bill and asked them to call for a tuc-tuc. Once back into Copan Ruinas we found a nice comedor for dinner before retiring to the hotel for the night.

Ariel is now fast asleep in the bed next to me as she decided to stay the night and share my room to cover expenses. She’s a nice girl here to do some volunteer work in agriculture. She’s from Montana and has spent one month in Guatemala learning Spanish before coming down here to do the volunteer work in rural areas. It was nice to have someone to hang out with today, but like her I’m very tired and ready for bed. My poor legs ache from all the walking, but I’m sure it’s good for me. Tomorrow we may head off to another town called Gracias or Santa Rosa de Copan. She has to be in that area to start her volunteer work and asked if I would join her. It looks like a nice place to visit.

Volunteer Work in Nicaragua

2008-01-14T18:49:00.000-06:00

So, I'll fill you all in later, but for now I am in Managua and heading out to help the Children of Destiny Orphanage for a bit. Here is the link to the website so you can learn more about where I'm going. http://www.childrenofdestinynicaragua.org/ I'll be at the one in Los Cedros and then I will be heading to Leon. Blessings to all.

NOTE: Please read the blog entry about Christians and Christianity if you want to know what happened while I was at the orphanage.

Honduras

2008-01-08T19:06:00.001-06:00

Well, I´ve been writing daily and taking a lot of photos, however, I do not have easy internet access here in Gracias. Yes, I was in Copan Ruinas, but decided to go to a little known spot to do some hiking and relax in a hot spring. I should be in Tegucigalpa by the end of the week, which is the capital so I should be able to get good internet and upload everything. I´m exhausted after an 8 hour hike through pristine cloud forests so I´m going to bed early but I have to eat something first.

A noche con no las luzes

2008-01-03T21:58:00.000-06:00

Well, for the last few nights we haven't had power. From what I understand the very strong winds of late caused a large tree to fall into the major power station and it knocked out power for half of Guatemala, including Guatemala City, Antigua, Panajachel, and all of the other areas around here. It was nice having some level of quiet, but I especially enjoyed the night with candles. Candles are so relaxing to me. (oh, by the way, please don't just blow out a candle. Candle flames are doorways to the spirit world and should be treated as your own front door - easily closed, never slammed.. Thus use a snuffer or gentle blow out the candle, that way you're not slamming a door.) Decisions were made today and I depart for Copan, Honduras, very early on Saturday morning (4 am). I'm not sure if I'll have internet access there or not, but we'll see. If you want to know more about where I'm going, just click on the name above.

It was a $10 shuttle (yes, I had to shop around for the price) but the hour we depart leaves things to be desired, such as sleep. Honduras' currency is the Lempiras with a current exchange rate of $20 Lempiras for $1 US Dollar. Time to learn a new currency, but hopefully this one will be easier. I will have to withdraw cash from the local banks tomorrow before heading down because the two banks there only take Visa cards. This is why I'm changing banks - because Washington Mutual doesn't offer a Visa Debit card and in Central and South America most of the banks ONLY accept Visa cards. At least this way I'll have to learn to live on what cash I have. A good lesson for me to learn I suppose. lol

It's been very cold here, nearing 12 and 13 degrees celsius. It's funny to watch everyone in town coated with scarfs and shoes. In the hostel everyone watched a DVD wrapped up in blankets from our beds. Now I've retired to my room for the evening so I can start getting ready for my departure on Saturday. I have to get my laundry completed, give my food supplies to someone, pack, and look into some information about Santa Rosa de Copan, Honduras. I might just stay for a bit and check out the town and then travel around for a bit in Honduras. Nicaragua is the next stop after Honduras, but that means learning another currency as well.

My cold is gone, but my sinuses are now clogged up with the dust, the cold weather, and who knows what else. It will be nice to be out of a city for a bit, maybe have some quiet.

Every time I begin to think I'm really alone, some one like my best friend lets me know I'm not alone. I'm not sure why anyone in my life actually puts up with my insane life because it's not worth the trouble from my perspective, but maybe they enjoy the thrill of the roller coaster ride I call my life. I'm not sure why I'm down here actually, but it's better than living in the United States with nothing to do but watch TV. My Spanish is coming along, but not as quickly as I would like. I have to stop talking in English. lol I'll get it before long. Maybe by the time I return to the States I'll be fluent. lol I can dream.

Well, I hope everyone is having a great day, time to curl up with blankets and lie with the angels.

New Year's Eve Antigua Guatemala 2007

2008-01-01T21:03:00.000-06:00

Here is the video I shot of my night in Antigua, Guatemala. The streets were packed so we enjoyed the sights from the roof top of Umma Gumma Hotel. From here we saw all the fireworks from all the pueblos nearby.

New Year's in Antigua

2008-01-01T19:25:00.000-06:00

Here are some photos I took last night. I also did a video, however, I have to edit it before posting it here. I just wish the photos showed what it was really like with all of the motion, sounds, smells, and sights. Some photos were taken in the streets of Antigua, others were taken from the rooftop of Umma Gumma.

Feliz Ano Nuevo

2008-01-01T15:42:00.000-06:00

Well, it's the beginning of a new year. Everyone makes new year's resolutions, but most don't keep them, thus I'm not even going to think about trying. Last night was celebrated in the streets of Antigua and on the roof-top terrace of my hotel. The streets (calles) were packed with people and the areas we wanted to visit on Calle de Arco weren't easily accessible so we opted for the other stage of entertainment around by the central park. It was a very festive evening and unlike in the U.S. they set off fireworks all night, but there was a grand display at midnight.

I spent my evening with my friend Willamjkin and her boyfriend Freek (pronounced phrake), the Dutch girls, and some people staying at the hotel (including Valeria one of the owners). It was an interesting night, although I was a bit tired from my previous day's ordeal of being stranded in Panajachel. I did a day tour and the bus left 30 minutes early, thus stranding me in a city with very little cash and no backpack. I finally managed to convience the owner of the travel agency to refund my money, something they don't do very often here in Central America. I suppose they don't like the idea of giving someone money back if they already have it. I spent the night in a small hotel in a room that wasn't too bad, however, it wasn't were I wanted to be and caused me spending money I didn't want to spend for a room and then return travel to Antigua. With that said, I spent my evening listening to music, dancing in the streets, dancing on the rooftop, and bringing in the New Year on the rooftop with people I don't know very well.

Alone is all I could think about, but it was a beautiful evening because from the rooftop we could view all of the surrounding pueblo's fireworks as well as all the ones in Antigua. It was a wonderful display of sky fires as one guy called them. I had attempted to retire early however, one man from another hotel was stranded here by his friends and he was very drunk (barracho) and I put him in my spare bed and spent the night waking up to help him get to the bathroom. I finally managed to fall asleep around 5 am, but the sounds of the city soon were going and I was up by 10.

Today was a relaxing day. The only thing was to go watch a movie at Cafe 2000 (Cafe dos mil), which was packed. I suppose a lot of people just wanted to relax today after partying so hard last night. Now I'm in my habitacion and typing. I depart here this week but at the moment I'm undecided as to where I really want to go next. My cold is gone, I'm feeling good, and I am feeling better about getting around places when I don't know the country. There are times when I wish I was doing this when I was younger, because I think it might have been easier. Now my views are tainted with bad experiences and bad decisions. However, this is a wonderful place with wonderful people and I'll be sad to depart soon.

It's possible to go to El Salvador or Honduras and then onto Nicaragua. I'll have to make a decision soon as to where I'll go, but for now I'm just feeling a bit lonesome. I felt this way all the time back in the states so it's nothing new, but down here I realize just how alone I really am. Most of the people from the United States I meet down here are not people I would really like, so I spend most of my time with people from other countries (las genta de otros paises).

I was just offered several weeks stay in a house that I just designed for a man in Sri Lanka. Of course I'll have to wait for the house to be built, but it will be a nice place to visit. I'll try to post some photos of the design in another post. But it was a nie project to work on and I enjoyed doing it.

Now the time has come to make decisions so I'll spend the next few days doing some research about El Salvador and Honduras. Although there is always the option of staying in Guatemala for a bit longer but visiting different places. I'll keep things posted here, but for now I just want to say,

Feliz Ano Nuevo

Chichicastenango Churches and Shamans

2008-01-01T15:08:00.000-06:00

Although there appears to be a very strong Catholic influence in Latin America, it quickly is clear that the Catholic aspects are just a facade to cover up what really is believed here. There are 300 Shamans in Chichicastenango - 150 men and 150 women. Each one of them performs ceremonies for individuals and families in the cemetery or in the churches. There were several shaman burning candles, incenses, and doing all sorts of things (I wasn't able to get a photo of them because they didn't allow such.) These two churches are on each side of the town. You can stand on the steps of one and look over the market to see the other church. The big church - Santo Tomas - has steps that equal the number of months in the Mayan calendar. The graveyard was incredible because it was so colorful. I wish I would have taken the time to venture over there.

Chichicastenango

2008-01-01T14:50:00.000-06:00

Here are some other photos of the town of Chichicastenango. I just love these little tuc-tucs. They are local taxis that run around the town and other towns like little ants delivering people all over quickly. There was this bridge and the art on it was incredible. One of the photos shows how the people here really live.